mrjeff

I'm not sure quite where to begin. The fact is I suppose I'm here to help understand alcoholism and how it affects the situation I find myself in.

I have a very close female friend who has become involved with an alcoholic online. In a few weeks they plan to meet in person.

He's in his late twenties and he's divorced. As far as I know he's not drinking at the moment, although he's not in AA, but he's a heavy smoker. He committed himself to a relationship after a week and he decided to ask her to marry him when they meet after two weeks.

I did some reading and came across the term "dry drunk". When I read the definition I recognized some of his character traits. Whatever the situation he finds himself he'll later describe how he was at the center of it, in control.

He mentioned a business partnership, and made it sounds as if he was managing businesses that were up and running, with him in a dominant management position. He touched on a business idea that was going to make him a lot of money, but that seemed to have no substance behind it when I asked him for details.

The partnership was about to buy a nightclub by the end of the summer, which he was to manage, which was also when he planned to join the army.

Our chats are littered with his self-aggrandizing statements, to the point I soon stopped taking him at face value. The nightclub thing is, to me, a clear signal that he's not being honest, whether that's to me, to the girl, to his partners, or to himself.

I thought about what to do when I came to these conclusions, and after about a week I mentioned it to her. At first she also started to question things, but after talking to him she came back apologizing for "not explaining things" to me.

I know that she has to work this out for herself, but I'm worried about her. At the moment she simply doesn't see his alcoholism as a problem.

Am I right in seeing this "dry drunk" idea behind his behaviour? And what does that mean for the longer term? I've searched for first-hand accounts from the girlfriends of alcoholics that I could share with her, so that at least she has a better idea of just what she's getting into.

Thanks for listening to me.

Val-light

Well I think it's just nice that you're her friend and supportive. That's all she may need right now while she's figuring this relationship out. Let us know how it goes.
Val

Chy

I think it's great your willing to be a supportive person in your friends life. However, like you said she has to make her own decisions as well as her own mistakes. Any relationship formed online warrants extreme caution and I hope she doesn't meet with him alone. It's hard to say where he is in his recovery, but it all sounds quirky to me and I'd continue to urge her to approach with extreme caution.

Andy F

Hi MrJeff

I woudn't worry about the situation fitting any label of 'dry drunk'. And I wouldn't try to define this person in terms of being an alcoholic. Like non-alcoholics, there are ones you trust, ones you run away from, and all the ones inbetween.

If you smell a rat, your either right or your wrong. Your friend will either listen to you or she won't. If it was me, I'd double check my motives and then I would quietly continue evaluating and keeping an eye on things till they pan out.

mrjeff

Thanks for your replies.

I hope I'm not defining him as an alcoholic, but it's his behaviour that I'm trying to understand. He seems like a pretty straight guy in general, but his statements just seem to fit with the idea of an alcoholic who's stopped drinking in the recent past. It might just be how he has always been, of course. Now he knows about my concerns he avoids me, so I'm not in the best position to follow events.

CarolD

Jeff...

I think the crux of the situation is on line hook ups.

Predators/misgfits/con artist are looking for easy prey and certainly finding naive people to attack.

Danger is real.

Wanna read about alcoholism + love?

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...splay.php?f=49