He's laying it on thick..........I'm starting to feel guiltyagain
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2002
Location: Virginia
Posts: 175
He's laying it on thick..........I'm starting to feel guiltyagain
Gezzzzzzzzzzzzzz, why do I do so good then as soon as I hear his voice or see he I start feeling guilty? I'm not doubting my decision because I feel it in my heart and head this time that I know it's the right thing for ME to do but I feel so guilty for hurting him. I can hear it in his voice and see it in his eyes. He's trying to make me feel guilty. He's crying, begging, and coming by and seeing me at work........saying why are you breaking my heart this way? Why don't you want me anymore? He doesn't listen to me anyway. I've told him over and over.....it's like he doesn't want to or can't hear me.
He's been talking about suicide. I'm so scared for him. I really hope he gets the help he needs. Last night h called me he'd been crying and of course he had to play on my heart strings and guilt and tell me over and over how he had been out for a couple of beers and had been crying and crying. I know he loves me and honestly I don't think he thinks very logically. The alcohol has affected his thinking and behavorial pattern.
I really care about him and his feelings but more so I think for our children. I feel so good knowing I've made a decision. Sitting on the fence is no fun especailly since I'd been sitting there for 2 years. My butt was getting a little sore.
He wants me to help him but I can't help him. His help would be for me to let him move back home. So for today - I hope he will be okay. Today for me - I'm not thinking about his feelings but my own.
Love,
Galnva
He's been talking about suicide. I'm so scared for him. I really hope he gets the help he needs. Last night h called me he'd been crying and of course he had to play on my heart strings and guilt and tell me over and over how he had been out for a couple of beers and had been crying and crying. I know he loves me and honestly I don't think he thinks very logically. The alcohol has affected his thinking and behavorial pattern.
I really care about him and his feelings but more so I think for our children. I feel so good knowing I've made a decision. Sitting on the fence is no fun especailly since I'd been sitting there for 2 years. My butt was getting a little sore.
He wants me to help him but I can't help him. His help would be for me to let him move back home. So for today - I hope he will be okay. Today for me - I'm not thinking about his feelings but my own.
Love,
Galnva
Grace Under Fire
Join Date: May 2002
Location: Another world
Posts: 536
Good for you Gainva!!!
You are taking care of yourself and
your feelings and who knows-this just
might be the kick in the pants he needs! Remember, there are no limits
as far as the guilt games will go, he's
grasping for straws right now.
Proud of you!
Hugs,
You are taking care of yourself and
your feelings and who knows-this just
might be the kick in the pants he needs! Remember, there are no limits
as far as the guilt games will go, he's
grasping for straws right now.
Proud of you!
Hugs,
Guest
Posts: n/a
Hi Galnva,
This is a hard spot they put us in. I get angry just thinking about it. They call and dump all their problems on us, but they're not willing to do a thing about them. I finally told my son I would not listen to it anymore. If he needed help then go get it. If he was not willing to get help then I was not willing to listen to it. I told him I would talk about anything else, but not his problems.
We are NOT a trash can. Take the trash somewhere else.
Stay strong.
Hugs,
MG
This is a hard spot they put us in. I get angry just thinking about it. They call and dump all their problems on us, but they're not willing to do a thing about them. I finally told my son I would not listen to it anymore. If he needed help then go get it. If he was not willing to get help then I was not willing to listen to it. I told him I would talk about anything else, but not his problems.
We are NOT a trash can. Take the trash somewhere else.
Stay strong.
Hugs,
MG
Supply Manager
Join Date: Feb 2002
Location: Cleaverville
Posts: 2,898
You GO MG!!!
I know what you mean...it IS upsetting but all they are thinking about is themselves and their problems right now. What is upsetting is all the time and energy that went into that decision and it is as tho you are under attack...not fair...not fair at all.
You both gave alot of thought to the decision you made and it was not an easy thing to do. And there were many reasons for that decision...just keep those in mind at all times.
Hugs,
JT
I know what you mean...it IS upsetting but all they are thinking about is themselves and their problems right now. What is upsetting is all the time and energy that went into that decision and it is as tho you are under attack...not fair...not fair at all.
You both gave alot of thought to the decision you made and it was not an easy thing to do. And there were many reasons for that decision...just keep those in mind at all times.
Hugs,
JT
Fantastic Member
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: Chicago, Illinois
Posts: 176
Hey Galnva : )
Just remmeber those times he made you crazy.................scared and all of that ...that is what keeps me going. I hate these lonely days. Mine does not cry to me...but I know when I hear his voice on the phone....it strikes a cord! I just keep thinking about the bad.........sounds awful but it works for me : (
Love Kitty
Just remmeber those times he made you crazy.................scared and all of that ...that is what keeps me going. I hate these lonely days. Mine does not cry to me...but I know when I hear his voice on the phone....it strikes a cord! I just keep thinking about the bad.........sounds awful but it works for me : (
Love Kitty
Member
Join Date: Feb 2002
Location: Raleigh, NC (Jersey Girl transplant)
Posts: 676
Galnva,
I feel for you, it is so hard to witness someone suffering and to do the right thing for ourselves instead of rescuing them. Keep strong, your heart knows the way, maybe this is what he needs to point him on the right path. He just doesnt know it yet. My prayers are with you.
I feel for you, it is so hard to witness someone suffering and to do the right thing for ourselves instead of rescuing them. Keep strong, your heart knows the way, maybe this is what he needs to point him on the right path. He just doesnt know it yet. My prayers are with you.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2002
Location: Virginia
Posts: 175
Thanks to everyone................this is the hardest thing I've ever had to do. I've never thought about my feelings or what I wanted before. I have always put myself last and rescued the needy. It feels good to put myself first but very hard. It's a constant battle.
My ex's dad called me last night left a message on my machine scolding me as if I was a child that he was tried of this BS and he wanted me to call him at work because he had a few things to say to me. Who in the hell does he think he is. This is between me and my husband. He has no idea what I've put up with for teh past 10 years or the things he's done in the past month. I know I was wrong going back and forth not knowing what I wanted from one minute to the next but every time I thought I would give my marriage another chance he would do something to remind me why we're apart.
Love,
Galnva
My ex's dad called me last night left a message on my machine scolding me as if I was a child that he was tried of this BS and he wanted me to call him at work because he had a few things to say to me. Who in the hell does he think he is. This is between me and my husband. He has no idea what I've put up with for teh past 10 years or the things he's done in the past month. I know I was wrong going back and forth not knowing what I wanted from one minute to the next but every time I thought I would give my marriage another chance he would do something to remind me why we're apart.
Love,
Galnva
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Hi Galnva
You don't have to participate in his dad's tyrade either. No doubt he is looking for someone to blame...and that person doesn't nee to be you.
You don't have to listen to him scold or berate you. If he wants to talk like a mature adult, fine, but if you don't like the tone of his voice, don't call him.
You are doing fine, and it is strange when we start putting ourselves first...we hardly know what to do with us. But it gets better and better all the time.
You don't have to participate in his dad's tyrade either. No doubt he is looking for someone to blame...and that person doesn't nee to be you.
You don't have to listen to him scold or berate you. If he wants to talk like a mature adult, fine, but if you don't like the tone of his voice, don't call him.
You are doing fine, and it is strange when we start putting ourselves first...we hardly know what to do with us. But it gets better and better all the time.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2001
Location: That's what I'd like to know.
Posts: 2,416
Hi Gal!
I believe my only response to Dad would be to send him a schedule of local alanon meetings.
Please keep this thought firmly in mind. You are not "doing" anything to your husband. He did it to himself. You finally set some personal boundaries for acceptable behavior and he crossed the line. That was his choice and his perogative, but he shouldn't expect to have his cake and eat it, too. As ***** Pig said... "You b...b...b...bbbbbbuttered your bbbread, now lie in it."
Hugs,
Smoke
I believe my only response to Dad would be to send him a schedule of local alanon meetings.
Please keep this thought firmly in mind. You are not "doing" anything to your husband. He did it to himself. You finally set some personal boundaries for acceptable behavior and he crossed the line. That was his choice and his perogative, but he shouldn't expect to have his cake and eat it, too. As ***** Pig said... "You b...b...b...bbbbbbuttered your bbbread, now lie in it."
Hugs,
Smoke
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Join Date: Oct 2002
Location: Denton Texas
Posts: 92
Trashcan
I love the imagery of the trashcan thing. How powerful this can be right now. I picture this beat up knarled metal can that has taken many rounds of abuse/attack. Step back from it. I envy your strength and yours has given me hope one day if I need to close my relationship I can. You go......
It is what it is!!!
Join Date: Feb 2002
Location: Sobriety
Posts: 5,767
Galnva -
Stay strong - and I agree with everyone else, tell Dad to back off and hit a meeting himself.
Take it from an A blessed to be in recovery - we will say anything to get you to do what we want you to do. And guilt is our strongest weapon!!!
You keep thinking of yourself first, and remember how sore your butt go on that fence LOL!!
Stay strong - and I agree with everyone else, tell Dad to back off and hit a meeting himself.
Take it from an A blessed to be in recovery - we will say anything to get you to do what we want you to do. And guilt is our strongest weapon!!!
You keep thinking of yourself first, and remember how sore your butt go on that fence LOL!!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2002
Location: Virginia
Posts: 175
He just called me and I hung up on him. He started saying things like.........I just don't understand why you don't want us and our family. Things I say go right over his head. I swear it drives me crazy.
He wanted to know what I was doing this weekend....over and over.......drilling me. I kept telling him that I was at work and I couldn't talk. I told him it was none of his business then he started getting angry. I finally hung up on him. I don't like doing that but I shouldn't have to listen to him treat me that way.
I really don't know how to get him to leave me alone. For today - I'm not going to get upset and worry about him. I'm going to take a deep breath and chalk it up to his hangover. Oh yeah by the way did I mention that he got drunk again last night and didn't remember emailing me or calling me. Yeah - he's changed.....that's what I want for myself - NOT!!!
Love You Guys,
Galnva
He wanted to know what I was doing this weekend....over and over.......drilling me. I kept telling him that I was at work and I couldn't talk. I told him it was none of his business then he started getting angry. I finally hung up on him. I don't like doing that but I shouldn't have to listen to him treat me that way.
I really don't know how to get him to leave me alone. For today - I'm not going to get upset and worry about him. I'm going to take a deep breath and chalk it up to his hangover. Oh yeah by the way did I mention that he got drunk again last night and didn't remember emailing me or calling me. Yeah - he's changed.....that's what I want for myself - NOT!!!
Love You Guys,
Galnva
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