Language of Letting Go May 12
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Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: Chaos City
Posts: 605
Language of Letting Go May 12
Intimacy
We can let ourselves be close to people.
Many of us have deeply ingrained patterns for sabotaging relationships. Some of us may instincitively terminate a relationship once it moves to a certain level of closeness and intimacy.
When we start to feel close to someone, we may zero in on one of the person's character defects, then make it so big it's all we can see. We may withdraw, or push the person away to create distance. We may start criticizing the other person, a behavior sure to create distance.
We may start trying to control the person, a behavior that prevents intimacy.
We may tell ourselves we dont want or need another person, or smother them with our needs.
Sometimes, we defeat oursleves by trying to be close to pople who arent available for intimacy- people with active addicitons, or people who dont choose to be close to us. Sometimes, we choose people with particular faults so that when it comes time to be close, we have an escape hatch.
were afraid, and we fear loosing ourselves. Were afraid that closeness means we wont be able to own our power to take care of ourselves, or our life. As one man said, were learning that we can own our power with people, even when were close, even when the other person has something we need.
Today, I will be available for closeness and intimacy with people, when that's appropriate. Whenever possbile, I will let myself be who I am, let others be who they are, and enjoy the bond and good feelings betwen us.
We can let ourselves be close to people.
Many of us have deeply ingrained patterns for sabotaging relationships. Some of us may instincitively terminate a relationship once it moves to a certain level of closeness and intimacy.
When we start to feel close to someone, we may zero in on one of the person's character defects, then make it so big it's all we can see. We may withdraw, or push the person away to create distance. We may start criticizing the other person, a behavior sure to create distance.
We may start trying to control the person, a behavior that prevents intimacy.
We may tell ourselves we dont want or need another person, or smother them with our needs.
Sometimes, we defeat oursleves by trying to be close to pople who arent available for intimacy- people with active addicitons, or people who dont choose to be close to us. Sometimes, we choose people with particular faults so that when it comes time to be close, we have an escape hatch.
were afraid, and we fear loosing ourselves. Were afraid that closeness means we wont be able to own our power to take care of ourselves, or our life. As one man said, were learning that we can own our power with people, even when were close, even when the other person has something we need.
Today, I will be available for closeness and intimacy with people, when that's appropriate. Whenever possbile, I will let myself be who I am, let others be who they are, and enjoy the bond and good feelings betwen us.
old enough to know BETTER!!!!!
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: NY, NY
Posts: 396
WOW! How right on you are!
Women have a tendency to let ourselves envelop the man in our lives to the point that it is then taken for granted .... hence, then resentment sets in .... then if it is not vocalized things just get more and more INTENSE .... and sooner or later the inevitable happens ..... lose communication, you lose it all .... love, feelings, intimacy .... even YOURSELF
SMOTHER is a good word ..... or I also like to use *FORCING* one's feelings on the other when the other isn't ready, willing, or capable to reciprocate! For whatever the reason(s) ..... a broken heart, his own addictions, a wall that he built to not allow to ever be hurt again .... or, in my case, ALL of the above. You said it perfectly ....
Sometimes, we defeat oursleves by trying to be close to pople who arent available for intimacy- people with active addicitons, or people who dont choose to be close to us.
It is self defeating and self-destructiveness! It took me took long to realize that and have enough self-worth and self-esteem to walk away!
Thanks for sharing your post.... it was a REMINDER to myself what I SHOULDN'T DO AGAIN! We need to be more in touch with OUR NEEDS and not give them up to satisfy or please someone else ..... even though in your heart you know it's WRONG!
The last line in your message gave me great STRENGTH ... and for that I THANK YOU!
Blessings,
Maria
Women have a tendency to let ourselves envelop the man in our lives to the point that it is then taken for granted .... hence, then resentment sets in .... then if it is not vocalized things just get more and more INTENSE .... and sooner or later the inevitable happens ..... lose communication, you lose it all .... love, feelings, intimacy .... even YOURSELF
SMOTHER is a good word ..... or I also like to use *FORCING* one's feelings on the other when the other isn't ready, willing, or capable to reciprocate! For whatever the reason(s) ..... a broken heart, his own addictions, a wall that he built to not allow to ever be hurt again .... or, in my case, ALL of the above. You said it perfectly ....
Sometimes, we defeat oursleves by trying to be close to pople who arent available for intimacy- people with active addicitons, or people who dont choose to be close to us.
It is self defeating and self-destructiveness! It took me took long to realize that and have enough self-worth and self-esteem to walk away!
Thanks for sharing your post.... it was a REMINDER to myself what I SHOULDN'T DO AGAIN! We need to be more in touch with OUR NEEDS and not give them up to satisfy or please someone else ..... even though in your heart you know it's WRONG!
The last line in your message gave me great STRENGTH ... and for that I THANK YOU!
Blessings,
Maria
Originally Posted by emily33
Intimacy
We can let ourselves be close to people.
Many of us have deeply ingrained patterns for sabotaging relationships. Some of us may instincitively terminate a relationship once it moves to a certain level of closeness and intimacy.
When we start to feel close to someone, we may zero in on one of the person's character defects, then make it so big it's all we can see. We may withdraw, or push the person away to create distance. We may start criticizing the other person, a behavior sure to create distance.
We may start trying to control the person, a behavior that prevents intimacy.
We may tell ourselves we dont want or need another person, or smother them with our needs.
Sometimes, we defeat oursleves by trying to be close to pople who arent available for intimacy- people with active addicitons, or people who dont choose to be close to us. Sometimes, we choose people with particular faults so that when it comes time to be close, we have an escape hatch.
were afraid, and we fear loosing ourselves. Were afraid that closeness means we wont be able to own our power to take care of ourselves, or our life. As one man said, were learning that we can own our power with people, even when were close, even when the other person has something we need.
Today, I will be available for closeness and intimacy with people, when that's appropriate. Whenever possbile, I will let myself be who I am, let others be who they are, and enjoy the bond and good feelings betwen us.
We can let ourselves be close to people.
Many of us have deeply ingrained patterns for sabotaging relationships. Some of us may instincitively terminate a relationship once it moves to a certain level of closeness and intimacy.
When we start to feel close to someone, we may zero in on one of the person's character defects, then make it so big it's all we can see. We may withdraw, or push the person away to create distance. We may start criticizing the other person, a behavior sure to create distance.
We may start trying to control the person, a behavior that prevents intimacy.
We may tell ourselves we dont want or need another person, or smother them with our needs.
Sometimes, we defeat oursleves by trying to be close to pople who arent available for intimacy- people with active addicitons, or people who dont choose to be close to us. Sometimes, we choose people with particular faults so that when it comes time to be close, we have an escape hatch.
were afraid, and we fear loosing ourselves. Were afraid that closeness means we wont be able to own our power to take care of ourselves, or our life. As one man said, were learning that we can own our power with people, even when were close, even when the other person has something we need.
Today, I will be available for closeness and intimacy with people, when that's appropriate. Whenever possbile, I will let myself be who I am, let others be who they are, and enjoy the bond and good feelings betwen us.
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