Hatboxgirl

Boy am I embarrassed about posting this message!
I'm sitting here in my office and can't stop thinking about
how to stop drinking the wine. I keep justifying my drinking
as "just unwinding after a hard day" or "hanging out and enjoying
myself with my sisters". How do you keep from falling into that denial trap?
I know I have a problem. I drink a bottle of wine and drive myself home.
Sometimes I'll drink as much as a magnum and then
I can't remember what I did the night before. And for
the first time I couldn't get up for work the other day. I was a mess!
I CAN not drink. I've done it but I enjoy it so much. I keep telling
myself it's just wine. I hang out with my sisters and they both drink
everyday too so it's easy to talk myself into believing that it's a case
of "girls just want to have fun" and it is fun!!! Unless I go overboard
and wake up feeling depressed and like crap. Even my husband tells
me I don't have a problem unless I'm with my sisters. I want to believe him.
Anyway, I guess what I'm looking for is advice and a good swift kick in
the ass! Thanks.

hopealwayz

Check out an AA meeting and try to get a few phone numbers of people after the meeting. Meetings are wonderful and you would enjoy it. Hang in there through the cravings and you'll get stronger with each passing urge.

You have it in you to quit. You are taking a step forward right now.

jcw1964

How courageous of you to take this first step. Alot of addicts know that they are addicts but don't want to face it, don't want to admit it. You are among friends here. Everyone here is an addict or has a loved one that is an addict. Denial is a primary addictive behavior, so is minimization and deflection. The one thing that has helped me fix my life most of all, is going to meetings. (not that I dont have alot to learn and fix, I do) I have learned something from just about everyone here.
If you think you have a problem, you do have a problem. That is good that you recognize it, you are avoiding the denial by recognizing it. Good job. You should be proud of yourself. I have been told that it takes more work to get clean than it did to use. You have some work ahead of you but you have a great resource for support here. There are on line meetings (schedule on the newcomers board). There is one tonight at 8:30 central in the chat room. Try it out. Come and listen. Read some posts. You will be able to find some stories just like yours. Like I said, everyone here is real nice. They won't judge you. We are all in the same boat.
Dont hesitate to ask questions. We want to help.
Good luck and check out the meetings. If you need info on local meetings, let me or someone else know and we can help you find them.
Thanks
God Bless
Jeff

Hatboxgirl

Thanks for your support. This is a big step for me. To come on and post that I am
aware that I have a problem is almost like a shock to my system. I've been listening
to everyone who tells me I don't... hoping it'll be for real but I know it isn't. I rely
far too much on wine to have a "good time". It's become a habit that is going to be
hard to break. My heart is racing now just knowing there is wine in the fridge at home
and that I will need to call my husband to have him dump it before I get there. Whoa!
This is major for me. I guess what I'll do is just get through tonight the best way I can
and worry about tomorrow tomorrow. Isn't that what One day at a time means?
Remembering how I felt growing up with an alcoholic mother I never thought I'd be
admitting that I have a drinking problem but I can certainly understand how hard
it was for her now that I am struggling with it too. She died young as a result of her
addictions. Thankfully I'm trying to get a grip on things way before I get to that point
and I hope I never do.

What advice do you all have for dealing with the time I spend with my sisters?
I know they are not where I am in my process and it will be difficult to spend time
with them while they drink and I don't. I guess I'll just have to be honest with them
and let them know what I need to do. I know at least one of them understands she
has a problem but is not ready to stop yet and the other is still in denial.

Should I request that my husband not drink in the house? He drinks 2 or 3 beers at night.
I don't think he'll object if it will make me more comfortable.

Boy is my system flipping around right now! I almost feel dizzy from being so nervous.

KEEGANSDAD

Are you an alcoholic?
To answer this question, ask yourself the following 20 questions and answer them as honestly as you can.

1. Do you lose time from work due to drinking?
2. Is drinking making your home life unhappy?
3. Do you drink because you are shy with other people?
4. Is drinking affecting your reputation?
5. Have you ever felt remorse after drinking?
6. Have you often gotten into financial difficulties as a result of drinking?
7. Do you turn to lower companions and an inferior environment when drinking?
8. Does your drinking make you careless of your family’s welfare?
9. Has your ambition decreased since drinking?
10. Do you crave a drink at a definite time daily?
11. Do you want a drink the next morning?
12. Does drinking cause you to have difficulty in sleeping?
13. Has your efficiency decreased since drinking?
14. Is drinking jeopardizing your job or business?
15. Do you drink to escape worries or troubles?
16. Do you drink alone?
17. Have you ever had a complete loss of memory as a result of drinking?
18. Has your physician ever treated you for drinking?
19. Do you drink to build up your self-confidence?
20. Have you ever been to a hospital or institution on account of drinking?

If you have answered YES to any of the questions, there is a definite warning that you may be an alcoholic.

If you have answered YES to any two, the chances are that you are an alcoholic..

If you have answered YES to three or more, you are definitely an alcoholic.

Note: The test questions above are used by Johns Hopkins University Hospital, Baltimore, Maryland and other health care providers to help in determining whether or not a patient is an alcoholic.

Hatboxgirl

Whoa... does that feel scary!
Thanks for the questions. They certainly
put things into perspective.

tyler

Congrats on taking the steps you have taken, admitting you have a problem is a big step. No one but you can tell you if you do or don't have a problem. If you feel you have a problem, then you have a problem. You mentioned your mother was an alcoholic, there have been alot of studies that alcoholism runs in families. It may be genitic or it may be an environmental thing, but if you go to the rooms of AA you will find an overwhelming majority of people there who have others in their immediate family with drinking problems.

That is exactly what one day at a time means, you don't have to worry about not drinking a week from now or a month from now, just don't drink today. Sometimes you have to break it down to one hour at a time or even one minute at a time. You will have strong urges to drink when you first stop, understand that, but also understand that the urges will pass if you don't give into them. It may not seem like it at the time, but they will pass.

As far as your sisters go, you may have to spend some time away from them, if they are not ready to quit or at least not drink when you are all together. This is one of the hardest parts of quitting, but in early recovery it is almost impossible to hang around with people that you used to drink with, while they drink, and not give into it yourself. I know in your heart you know this to be true also. If you are honest with them maybe one or both of them will join you in recovery, that would be great. Because of this shift in people you can hang out with AA meetings can be very helpful, if for no other reason than to be around a group of people who can socialize without drinking and have a perfectly good time. It is always scary going to that first meeting, until you get there, sit down and the people wecome you with open arms, then you will wonder what you were so scared about. There are a number of people in early recovery (just a week or two) who have started going to meetings after much trepidation and now love them. They will undoubtedly read this post and chime in soon.

As far as your husband goes, if he doesn't have a problem with it, yea, I'd go ahead and ask him. If nothing else it provides moral support for you. I'd probably ask him to even if he did have a problem with it. Quitting is not easy, why do anything to make it any harder. Hope some of this helped. Posting here is also very helpful, great group of people on the boards here that will be there for you when you need them. Good luck and take care.

Anna

Hi Hatboxgirl,

I'm glad you found us and decided you wanted to be sober. I hope you enjoy reading through some of the forums here at SR. There's lots of knowledge here and lots of support. Denial is a huge part of the disaease of alcoholism and when I look back at how I was and things I did, I can't imagine how I could have lived like that. But, I was in denial.

As for dealing with your sisters, I hope you can talk to them and they will be supportive of you. You have to decide what that means. Spending time with them while they are drinking could be VERY hard. I know I couldn't have early on in sobriety. Hopefully they will understand.

Keep posting.

Love, Anna

Hatboxgirl

Well, I made it through one night. It was hard but I talked with my husband and my 20 year old son
to let them know what I was doing and asked for their support. They were both ready and willing to
do whatever they could to support me. I told them I may have mood swings and hard times but it
is because of the sobriety and not anything they have or will do. I'm nervous as hell today but I'm only
going to worry about today. Thanks for all the support and encouragement. You are all terrifc people.

approck1976

Hatboxgirl, just wondering how you are doing.I read through your posts and I can relate so much. I've been sober since 4-30-05. Finally, I feel free. It's hard for me but not as hard as for you. I don't have any fam/friends in the state that I have to "avoid" or whatever. Military moved us in July 04. I stay at home with my kids. They were my gang when I drank and got wasted. Pitiful! Sick! But, anyway I used to take pride in being an alcoholic. I was good at it. Distorted brain! Now I need to get my priorities straight and focus on being dry and AVAILABLE for my boys. Please stay strong!

jbm125

Hi Hatboxgirl, you're getting lots of great advice here. In recovery (AA+NA) we're taught it's a program of change. We/I had to change PEOPLE,PLACES and THINGS. I had to give up some members of my family for a while cuz they were an occasion that led me to use. I had to change the places I went and the things I did for the same reason. If your sisters don't have a problem with their drinking and they love you and know that you do they'll understand and be supportive. It's not like you're giving up breathing. You'll be in my prayers. God bless.