emily33

I am not having a good morning, although the sun is shining beautifully, and I saw 7 baby gosslings and there parents on the pond.

I am at work, and I get an annoying phone call from my MIL..

I do not want to be one of those people that need chaos in there life, to be complete (but I am) I dont think I know what normal is. It seems that I cant just let things roll, I have to put more into them then what needs to be put, and I aggravate myself. I have to find out the real reason why I have the feelings that I have about certain people in my life and why, I choose to let their actions bug me.

I have to realize it is not all about me, and people are not doing things intentionally to bug me, but I take some things that way and some things I have no question that they were directed at me.

I have to learn to say what I mean and mean what I say with a loving kind heart. I have to realize that there are alot of emtions and feeling amongst my H family toward me and me them, but i need to be the bigger person I have to humble myself.

I have created a mess all around me, it is time to make amends, I think I need to make amends in order for me to go further into my recovery. I will not get overwhelmed, I will just make my list and take one step to a time.

equus

Emily - do you realise how much negative you say about yourself? There's humility and then there's humiliation.

I see someone working so hard to improve and grow, someone whocan see the beauty of life through the dullness of a hard day (7 'ickle goslings!!) someone who wants (and I'd bet a fortune has) a kind and loving heart.

Someone warm and without arrogance, someone living and learning with a hunger for the future.

Someone I think should be very proud of herself.

Cynay

I have to agree with Equus.... WOW you are demanding, but it sounds to me like you are more hard/demanding of yourself.

Im all for the growth, yep work your steps but remember the number one rule.... We will take care of ourselves, and be good to ourselves...

One rule in my home (which is now just my daughter and I) is we will not come into it saying negative things about ourselves (Im so stupid etc) or each other.... We are a family and we spend all day being beat up by the outside world... we will not allow that in our sancutary and we will not do that to ourselves or each other.

Im proud of your growth, the knowledge you share so willingly with us. You be proud of you too

*hugs*

emily33

Wow, as I was writing this, I was not getting how I sounded. Someone just made me mad today, and I was coming down on myself this hard, because of my thoughts. I was trying to rationalize if I was angry for a real reason, you know questioning my motives.

I am questioning alot lately

This sucks.

Cynay

Yea.. may suck... but wooohoo to the growth in it. If more people stoped to question themselves what a better world this would be

*hugs* keep on doing the next right thing

equus

How about putting a little balance in?

I'll start you off with some 100% good stuff I see in you!

1. You are all for effort, you try, you try so hard.
2. You don't condemn others.
3. You care enough to always want to get it right
4.
5.

You carry the list on!!

BTW - I've come to think I shouldn't be nasty to myself, even the bits of me I want to change now may have once served me well, so I prefere a fond farewell to nonfunctioning habits rather than seeing them as useless.