Sweetangel1

Hi, i just came across this site and figured it would be good for me. I am 23, I have a boyfriend who is an alcoholic and he is in Rehab right now. he did a lot of awful things but he's realizing the consequences of his actions towards me and others. I live with his family right now and we are really wanting to be his support. Sometimes it is really hard for me, because i dont see him often, its been 2 months now.. but we talk on the phone. I have partied alot with him, but i have a easier time staying away from drugs and drink. I know he feels that i am maybe a weak person for him, like maybe too passive , but i have really been more assertive in our relationship the last while. Can anyone relate to this? i would love insight onto how other girlfriends/wifes feel about their alcoholic partners and their relationships!

Savana 54

Hi Sweetangel! Welcome to SR!

Have you thought about attending an Al-Anon meeting? They are very postive and helpful. They help us to take the focus off the Alcoholic and start to put it on ourselves; as we are the only ones that can take care of US!

The three C's I have learned are, you can't Control it, you didn't Cause it, and you can't Cure it. Also, when I first came here a few months ago, many suggested reading the book Co Dependent No More-by Meloday Beattie.

Hope you enjoy it here; reading the stickies above are very useful as well!

Magichappens

Hi Sweetangel,
Welcome. I'm Magic, and I love an alcoholic. Realizing that they have a disease and that it can be very damaging to them and their relationships, I have had to take steps to learn to take care of myself and find serenity and healing. I found that in Al-Anon and therapy. The alcoholic in my life is a wonderful man. The disease he has is devastating. Getting support and understanding to get through the hard times, and learn to appreciate the good ones has been a real blessing in my life.

This forum is a great tool in my recovery. There are people here in every stage of dealing with an alcoholic loved one. Not only do I get the support here, but I remember what it was like before I reached out and found the healing and love that I needed. Glad you have joined us. Hope you stick around. Hugs, Magic

jcw1964

I am the husband of an addict and you are in the right place. The others are right. When I first went to an alanon meeting, I thought, "I am going to figure out how to help my wife beat her addiction". One of the first things that was read was, "you are here for you" it was liberating to be able to focus on myself and what I needed rather than what she needed. Not that I wont help her. I will. In any way SHE wants me to that is keeping with the program. It sounds like your boyfriend is getting help and that is GREAT!!!! If everything goes well, you may not need support. I think that you will find, all recovering addicts have good days and bad days, sometimes they struggle alot and sometimes not, sometimes they are rational and sometimes not.... and so on. You will need the help and support of people like the ones you find here. They have been through the good times and bad, they will tell you of their experiences. Take what you like and leave the rest, is the motto. Everytime I go to an alanon meeting, i learn something about myself andhow I can be a better person. For me and my addict.

Hope this helps.Check out a meeting, the schedule is on the newcomers board.

Welcome and keep coming back.
Thanks
Jeff