Beautiful

Well, my effing counseling issue had to be put aside to greet the now-p*ssed off AH. Apparently he had a bad day. I spare you the details, but the end result is that he starts the critical put downs (Perpetrator), then switches to the Victim because "I don't know what's wrong with you but you've had an attitude all day. I'm sure it's me, I just don't know what I've done." Then he walks away. I waited for him to come back (as I knew he would), went outside and sat on the picnic table and said, "Let's get something straight. Don't ever speak to me with disrespect again. I've warned you before, but I'm here to tell you that it won't fly. I'm not your employee, and, should you choose to speak to me again before hell freezes over, you will speak to me with nothing but the upmost respect or you can stay away. And the Victim act, give it up. It serves no purpose other than to save your guilty conscience for pimping me last night. We are not going out tonight because you wouldn't commit to a time and I am not going to drag others into this cesspool." He jumps up and changes the subject, trying to get me to change my mind about going out tonight. I said, "Your attitude is rude and disrespectful. If you choose to get it together then we'll reschedule. Otherwise, the answer's no." He stomped off and I haven't seen him for now about 15 minutes. Better a quiet evening alone than then receiver of criticism to eat in a restaurant.

Where is god??????? I didn't think he took lunch breaks...................

FriendofBill

What are you expecting from God?

Cynay

OK... let me get this straight? That is what you said to him?

If that is right then way to go for sticking up for yourself, defineing what you will and what you will not put up with, and keeping it calm but firm.

God does not take lunch breaks... but sounds like you handled that one well

Beautiful

Yes, that is what I said to him. I wanted God to give me some fireworks for my huge display of "balls" (lol) and I wanted God to take the sadness that I get when I have to stand up for myself with such firmness. I've never treated people like that because I've never been surrounded by people who took such advantage of me -- AH included when we were dating. I did stick my head out the door 45 min ago and said, "If you are eating with us, we are eating in 2 minutes." He showed up for that -- gave me the silent treatment -- and did say that he was going back to work. It is mentally exhausting and I am tired. Really tired. Maybe it's just the week. Cross Fingers.

FriendofBill

My experience with God is that when I do HIS will, the blessings follow. To relive my sadness, I pray for knowledge of his will for me, and then I got up and do positive things for others as well as myself.

Thats what the steps promise, and for me, they have come true. I dont always get the relief in the way I want it but absoulutely in the ways I need it. Keep praying!

Minx1969

Wow Beauty!! **standing ovation**..Seriously..I know it was hard to say what you said but can you give me lessons?

I applaude you for the way you stood up for yourself..something I'm trying to learn to do even without my ex A in my life..

It's sad you have to go through this but you give yourself credit for how you took care of yourself!

Big hug,

Minx

Cynay

Friend is right about getting the prayers answered, maybe not how we thought or hoped... but have not doubt he is answering them. If I had to guess I would be there was a prayer you said that asked for strength (to grow balls) and look how he blessed you there *laughs*

Im sooo sorry you have to go through all this, I honestly have to believe there is a reason... otherwise I will go insane thinking of the emotion, time, energy I wasted on my ex-ABF.... When he lets me know what the reason was I will share it.

Another struggle other then "Gods will vs my will" is "Gods time vs my time".... the time will come Im pretty sure of it. I think he does give us what we need and ask for, and there is nothing wrong with asking for what you need, just be open and listening when he gives it to you.

Beautiful

Minx: Stick around -- I'll give you lessons and we'll take the world together! LOL

Friend and Cynay: You mean God *isn't* spelled B-E-A-U-T-Y???? (falls down laughing until her gut hurts) Seriously, thank you. I so need to get this right. My part of our marriage depends on it, but more importantly, my children's future can't achieve without it.

ASpouse

That is basically what I did ..... calmly & firmly. It took about 8 months for him to do anything about it, but it came about, in God's time.

Every time I spoke to him it was calmly and firmly. You done good. Relax and enjoy yourself. He's thinking about it and I believe he will probably get worse, trying to push your buttons. Stand your ground.

FriendofBill

Beauty....You ARE a beauty, dont forget that! And your are Gods child, and HE will take care of you..just try to look for the signs in which he does that. For me today, God gave me:

1. The ability to share my ESH when I was asked to speak on the 5th step in my noon meeting.

2. Tons of hugs and love from people who love me in my program.

3. Lunch date with a male friend (Who is a recovering A, LOL).

4. A good attitude, (Damn, about time for that!)

Keep working it babe,,it works!

ASpouse

Cool FoB ..... you had many blessings today! I hope you remember to say "Thanks"!

Beautiful

This morning his attitude has improved to the point where I told him that we could reschedule last night's date some time next week. He suggested Monday. Hmmm.............Monday's okay but I have to go to effing counseling with him in the morning. I'm glad he's gone for the weekend as my stomach has just reknotted at the thought of it. I guess we'll know Monday morning if we go on a date *together* or if he goes alone. God has to take care of this because there's not enough Xanax to do it............................I'm just going to turn it over and wait for Monday to arrive.

Beautiful

8 months? (gets out warm milk because she relies on inner strength) It's going to be a looooooooooonnnnnnnnnnnngggggggggg summer...........*sigh*