KATIE77

Hi

I understand what you guys all wrote in response to my last post. The reason I hadnt told him is because he told me he didnt want the baby and if I did have it then I would be alone as he was "an accidental father". His behaviour also indicated this - not talking/contacting me, sleeping around drinkning more etc...

However I did get what you were saying to me about telling him as he has a right to know about the termination and also to help let go.
I called him tonight. He ignored my calls. I kept trying and after a few time he answered. He was in the bar. I asked if I could call around as I wanted to talk to him about something important as I did not want to discuss it on the phone. His response was I just got more beer!!

Anyhow to cut a long story short I met up with him. He had had his face smashed in and couldnt remember how. yes he ended up in hospital again with stiches but this time he had to get himself home. I wasnt there!! Cheek.

He had clearly been having a good time as the evidence of "other women" and his random sex life was everywhere to be seen.
I ignored it all and asked if he wanted to know about the baby and his response was "whatever". I told him I was no longer pregnant. His response "Oh ok". We had a general chat then half hour later he asked how things were with the baby and had he made it clear enough to me he didnt want it!! Im just thinking why did I bother!!!! He had had a few but was not totally hammered. Maybe I should write him a letter??

I think the drinking is really taking its toll on him. He keeps repeating himself and is forgetting things.He has total memory loss when he is drunk and doesnt remember a thing the next day. He also looks terrible.
I am now beginning to think it was the right thing to do leaving him. Let it be someone elses problem.
I have to look forward.

Katie

walkingtheline

BEGINNING???

Forget letters, forget phone calls...let him go.

Katie, please, get yourself to al-anon! Learn all about this disease...otherwise you'll find yourself doing the same things and expecting different results.

I would hope that you have sworn off "relationships" for a while, but as a mother...I'll tell you the same thing I would tell any of my daughters. Get on the pill. Buy a box of condoms. Should you choose to engage in sexual behavior again, use both! One will prevent pregnancy, the other will protect you from disease.

Take care of yourself.

quietsins

whether he remembers it or not. you told him. you let yourself be honest, you let go. from today on you have no reason to have to have any contact with him at all.

now you can look at that and say.... oh that is going to be so hard, and i will worry, and he looks terrible... or turn it around

look at it and say.... today i am me, i am healthy, i am good, i am smart, i am capable, and i deserve beautiful things.

my ex A has a porn addiction in addition to the booze, i know exactly where i could find him at any time of the day (lol drunks are so predictable in where they are). and every day i resist going there and venting, because he wouldnt probably remember it, and in the long run, i am above that behavior. he has as a drunk nothing positive to add to my life.

so each day i think, i am above that relationship. i am worth being treated good, i am worth being treated with respect, i am worth having a relationship that returns as much as i give. and each day it gets easier to smile. you walk a little taller, you smile a little easier, you find a bit more sunshine in your soul.... and we heal. we heal our heart, spirits and bodies.

let go, let god, and god bless
quietsins

Savana 54

He doesn't sound good, but then again he is an A. I think you did the right thing by leaving him and also telling him about the baby. I know you just want to keep getting in the last word, but it just doesn't seem like they are really there half of the time.

I would just let him and the whole thing go; move on for your sanity. You are an awesome person and deserve so much better...

(((((KATIE))))))

Cynay

Im sooooo glad for you that you let that go, you told him, you were honest... that is all you can do.

They are right, let go of it, for me in the begining it was all I could do not to drive by his place, call him and all the other things I hate to admit to that I did to keep track of his every movement.... but as time goes on and I give it up to God everyday (yep every morning I ask God to take it away) everyday gets easier... that and I try to keep very busy.

It will get easier I can promise you that.... you do deserve soooooo much more.

KATIE77

Thanks folks. I am feeling quite positive. I was reading in the Melody Bettie book that your HP cannot help guide you if your thoughts and actions are too strong. Maybe now I can let go I can be shown the way to more happiness.

Have a good week everyone.
Katie

Veronica

I think you said it best..... "Im just thinking why did I bother!!!! " Talking to you ex is like trying to drill for water in the desert. Spend more time on you, less time on him.

gelfling

What you did was perfectlt fine and normal. You told him. That's all that matters. You done good girl!!!

minnie

Hmm. Not really the reason you didn't tell him. One of the factors that led you to make the decision, perhaps.

Hon, I know you've told him now. Whether he was sober or drunk, you've told him. You don't have to do it again.

What about your life? I know more about him that I do about you. I'd like to get to know Katie. I'm sure you would too.

Let us all know about you - what you like doing, what your dreams are, what you are doing to achieve them. Actually, maybe we should start a thread on this....

Look after yourself

Minnie
xxx

CodeMaster

I know how you feel, trying to reach into the addicts mind with some sense. My friends would tell me, SURE, that makes sense but your thinking logically, they cannot think logically, you cant expect them to... All you can do right now really protect yourself.

I wish you the best Katie...

CatsTail

You told him, it's done now time to get on with KATIE. Too bad if the drinking is taking it's toll on him he has a choice. More importantly you have a life and should start getting on with it.

Alanon would do you good so would some therapy and distancing yourself big time from people who know him. Sorry it's hard but sometimes it needs to be done.

Ngaire

cwohio

katie - the others above have said it all. it's all out on the table now. i think the suggestion ngaire made about distancing yourself from mutual friends, etc. is crucial to you being able to get on with your recovery!

CatsTail

Katie,

I'll tell you that part of how I got away from my ex was cutting him and everyone mutual between us out of my life. Might sound harsh but had to be done.

Ngaire