Secondchances

Hi,

I found this board by googling on another topic and thought I'd say hi. I have been struggling with addiction issues my entire life and keep trying, and failing, but I would really like to beat them.

What has prompted me to return to recovery is that I got an email today from a friend telling me if I don't get a grip on my addictions before it's too late, I am screwed. He thinks I am ruining my health.

I had a tragedy yesterday in that my dog drowned in my pool. It was an accident, but maybe I had a hand in it by not being a better mom. I can rationalize all I want, but the truth is, I don't even take care of me. How can I be counted on to be in top thinking form in taking care of a little helpless animal? The shame and guilt I feel are pretty incredible. I loved her the best I could, but it wasn't good enough. She'd fallen in once before, so I thought she would have more sense and stay away from the pool. When she fell in before, I had a fence up. When she fell in yesterday I had taken the fence down the day before.

I keep thinking...if only I had sobered up last fall I would have been a better caretaker. Mind you, I was not drinking at the time of this accident, but I had been the day before. It's safe to say that I have not been on top of my game for a very long time.

Please be easy on me here. You have no idea how much I am beating myself up over this. I have called several support lines and spent a good portion of today in tears.

I guess I need help and support in getting my life together without alcohol.

Thanks.

jmhs002

Hi Secondchances and welcome!
Stick around and you will find a lot of help around here. People that have been where you are at right now. Keep posting and let us know how you are doing. Good luck!

CarolD

So glad to see you reaching out for a better sober life.

Read our post...ask questions..we are here to support you.

I am so sorry for your loss.

Morning Glory

It doesn't sound to me like the alcohol had anything to do with the accident. I think it's natural after a trauma like that to go back and try to find a reason why that happened to us.

I don't think your dog's very sad death was anything more than an accident. If you had thought for a minute that your dog was going to fall into the pool you would have done something differently. It's always easy to look back on an accident and tell ourselves everything we could have done differently.

Hugs and welcome to the forum.

MG

stspencer

welcome keep coming back its what i am doing and it help me stay in touch with our addiction steve

sherbear5104

Welcome Secondchances. You don't have to worry about us beating up on you. On the contrary. We are here to help you deal with life, without alcohol, one day at a time. Put that stick down, and quit beating yourself up. Keep posting here and get to know us. There is a great many people here who have been where you are. We can recover from this disease, with the help of others.

I look forward to reading more of your posts.

Sherry

In memory of miracle

You have found a great place for help and support. I am so sorry about your dog,sometimes accidents happen. We have no control over them. Be easy with yourself.Bless, Trish

goneriding

Hi Secondchances:

I moved from Antioch a year ago to Oklahoma - small world. I am sorry to hear about the loss of your dog - I agree with Morning Glory, it was an accident plain and simple. I loss my dog of ten years to a tragic accident four months ago - it was awful. Unfortunately, I was sober at the time and slipped off the wagon hard when that happened. This site helped me pick back up the peices and move on and I have not touched a drink in 17 days. Take care of yourself - keep us posted on how you are doing.

wantneeda

(((Secondchances))))) Welcome!!!! So sorry to hear of your loss, don't beat yourself up, hope to read more from you.

Time4Me11

Welcome Secondchance

Yes, we all need a secondchance. Sometimes it very hard to let ourselves see how worthy we are of it though. I am sorry about your loss and I hope that you will be able to forgive yourself and allow an opening for change occur from this accident.

Let us know what you need...there is always someone here with the right words.

tyler

So sorry to hear about your dog. I know something like that can be very tough to bear. Like others have said, it doesn't really sound like your fault, perhaps it was just her time to go. I don't know, maybe it happened to give you a slap in the face and make you look at your addiction problems. Even if it wasn't dirrectly related to it you have made that connection, so maybe you can try to use it to stay clean. Just a thought, though I'm very not religious, I tend to believe that things happen for a reason. The challange is to understand the reason. Take care.

Anna

Hi Secondchances,

I am so sorry for the loss of your dog and you have found a good place to come for support. I know when I look back at things that happened when I was drinking I just shake my head. We all have a lot of guilt and shame to deal with and it's hard. I hope you keep visiting.

Love, Anna

jcw1964

Welcome and I am so sorry for your loss. I love animals and can understand you thinking it was your fault but as others have stated, it was an accident. Don't beat yourself up. I also agree that things happen for a reason. Figure out what it is and you will have taken a big step forward. The serenity prayer really helps me. Accept the things that you can't control.

Just an example of things happening for a reason, I have been able to pass on good help to my daughter who is going through a difficult time with her boyfriend. If I had not been coming to meetings or working on myself, I would not be able to give her that advice. Sorry to ramble, but use your experiences to better your life and those aroung you. No matter what you have done if you can make your life better each day, you are going in the right direction.

Thanks and good luck. I will pray for you.
Jeff

wingsfree

(((((((Secondchances)))))))) I'm so sorry for your loss as well, it's a reminder to me to work harder on staying sober, I've probably put my little dog in jeopardy because of my foolish behaviour, thanks for the reminder as to how easy things can happen, when I've drank.

Please don't beat yourself up, like others have said, things happen is all, ACCIDENTS happen.
This was like a slap in the face for me....you'd think us humans would learn after that very first horrid hangover, wouldn't you?

You've found a wonderful place coming here, we're all on your side, we all understand.

Take care of yourself, sending good thoughts your way.
Lots of love, extra hugs.......Denise

Kahlia

Yes, you do need to get your life together...do not be so hard on yourself as accidents do happen. maybe it was the dog's time....I remember when I was using I had a shitzu named Ming....he was black and white..when I was high, he would NOT come near me.....after I got clean we had a great relationship until he was hit by a car after getting out of the yard.....it broke my heart. WELCOME and keep coming back here, there are many people like us who have needed help....you will get it when you are ready to STOP......Kahlia

Secondchances

Thank you all so much for your welcome. You are very kind.

I am still a zombie and a blithering idiot. I went to an AA meeting at noon and started to cry when someone asked me how I was. This person thought it had something to do with withdrawal, rather than grief. IOW, not everyone understands the profound loss you feel when a pet dies and you feel responsible.

I have made about 7 phone calls to various crisis hotlines (gee, even more than I did during my divorce!) and found great comfort and support. They let me cry and they listened. I struggled with the idea of digging up her body for cremation, but think it's more respectful that she rest with me. As it is, she is buried under an oleander in an area of roses and other greenery. There are birds chirping and whipperwills. I miss her so.

I will never know how much my drinking contributed to my poor decisions in this process, but I will say without it I would have been more loving, maybe more responsible. I can only try to make living amends now and move forward and do the right thing. Thanks again to all.

wingsfree

(((Second))) please don't be so hard on yourself ok? your not a blithering idiot your HUMAN, who happens to have a disease, which we all have here, which is so hard to understand, never the less we have it, and we'll do what is needed to get well. Crying is good for you, I know we feel awful when we do that, especially in front of others, but it's a cleansing thing, it gets rid of a lot.

My heart goes out to you, I know what it's like to lose an animal, I couldn't talk to anyone, I'd start to cry, I wouldn't answer the phone, I kept to myself for a couple of weeks or so.....my sister helped pull me out of my shell...we went shopping, she told me I didn't have to go in the store, just go with her sit in the car, anything to get me out of the house......so I totally understand your pain here, it's darn real, pets are like kids to us.

Give yourself some time, time will heal, in the meantime get yourself out, keep busy, your little dog is in dog heaven with my two girl dogs...I bet they are playing and having fun, and would feel bad if they knew how it's made us feel.

One of my little dogs is buried in my back yard, it's a comfort, the other was a horror story for me.

Anyway you need to take care of YOURSELF, yes YOU.

With love and understanding.

pjkade

I'm not new to addiction but I am new to this site. I know how you feel about a pet. I have one that's been with me thru a husband dying , screwing up again, getting straight and sober, and then screwing up again. I now have a new husband, same cat, and still trying to work things out. It ain't easy. You just keep on keepin' on. You call on God and You call on people. If you can't find people at home, you find them here. Don't ever lose touch, even if you mess up, stay in contact with somebody. God still loves you and so do we. Never forget that.

Secondchances

I am so sorry that you have a horror story in your life. And I am very sorry for all of you who have lost both pets and loved ones. I think this is a great site. I've been reading through all of the grieving posts and they leave me feeling like a very big baby for being so upset.

Justme, you say it's a comfort that one of your little dogs is buried in your back yard. If you could share with me how that's a comfort, I'd greatly appreciate it. As it is, I am not finding it a comfort. I keep thinking she's alone and how she doesn't deserve to be. I put two teddy bears, two crosses, two roses, and a card on the little mound. That made me feel better then, but I don't even want to sleep in my bedroom as I buried her right outside in back of it. It seemed like a good idea at the time. I guess I just MUST get over it. All in good time. I will have to tell myself she is with God and not think about the details of her being there.

Some of you have gone through so much. I don't know how to grieve without being anethsitized. I was diagnosed with dysthymia/major depressive episode plus of course my alcohol addiction and I am so afraid I am going to slide back into it, after I was finally pulling out.

I didn't drink for about three weeks and had also quit smoking, but then fell off and resorted to both. I know how alcohol will prolong grief, so I am really trying to avoid that. I can't kill myself over the fact I feel guilt and grief right now.

Thanks.

wingsfree

Hi again Second.....as hard as it is to take, death is part of life, we don't like it, but that's how it is. In my heart I know I'll be reunited with lost one's one day, I talk to them lots, I can feel their spirits, some more so then others. I'm also sorry for the loses in your life too.

Life can be so harsh at times can't it? we learn from it, some lessons we could do without mind you... so we embrace the good days real hard.

I feel bad about how you're feeling right now, I know how it hurts, it takes your breath away, let yourself grieve with what your body tells you to do, we have to, you can't stuff those feelings down, or they will get you later. Please get rid of the guilt, it was an accident, period, your little dog wouldn't want you to be feeling that way, think about it for a sec. She's not alone, she had her time with you, and her time was up, she had to move on.

My comfort with my little dog in my back yard.....well this is what happened, my first dog I took her to the vet, she was only 2 years old, her liver was shot, if you can imagine, there was no hope for her, none what's so ever, I had to have her put down, it was me who told the vet to do that. I suffered big time for a long time after that, the guilt, I couldn't stay in the room with her, you know I can still see her laying on that cold table, her little head on her paws, and that's my last thought of her. I couldn't bring her home with me, I just couldn't, I wish so bad I could go back to that day, because of my children, they were so shook up, that broke my heart watching them, and trying to comfort them in the shape I was in....oh boy I tell you, I couldn't stop crying, knowing what I had done, today I know it had to be done, she was so sick, it was hard to watch her like that. Anyway it was rough, but I got through it, just like you will. I swore NOOOOOO more dogs ever again.

Anyway we ended up getting another one, she was such a little sweetie, aren't dogs so smart? She was older, got real sick, this part was hard, my hubby put her down, if you can imagine, we knew what a stress it put on her taking her to the vet, so he took matters in his own hands after a few hours pacing getting the courage to do that, I'll never forget that day EVER, it's been about 5 years now. He made her a cedar casket, I put all of her things in with her a blanket to wrap her in. I like the idea that you put things in with your little dog also....that should bring you some kind of comfort, it did with me.

He buried her under a pine tree, put her name on the tree. I did feel sorta funny about that for some time, but I'm glad she's here with us now...well she isn't, her little spirit is playing somewhere else now, she's pain free, just maybe she's met your little one, you never know. I don't know if this brings you any comfort, I don't want to upset you.

I have another little dog...oh yeah after swearing NEVER AGAIN, no more dogs, well he's such a little joy....give yourself some time, and maybe getting another one will help ease your pain.

I find it a huge comfort my other one is close by, I walk by her every day, it makes me smile, she brought so much happiness and joy to my family, but she had to move on just like your little one.....it's life, none of us know what's to come....all the more reason to embrace the one's close to you today, tell them you love them, give them a hug even if they don't like it.....hugs don't hurt one bit.

Ok I'm done rambling, please take care of yourself....drinking won't help one bit, we both know that, it will only make you feel more miserable, your little dog wouldn't want you feeling that way at all.......they don't like us drinking, that's not hard to tell is it? makes you wonder who the smarter one is at times. Please keep talking to grief counselors or whoever will help you deal with this, don't let it bury you, we move on ok, we move on, look at the good around you, there's sooooooo much.

Sending lots of love, prayers and extra hugs your way........Denise