april*rain

well last night was my birhtday so i went to the bar. i drank water for the first hour i was there, then i thought it would be okay if i had one beer. i nursed that beer for about an hour and thought, okay..i can do this and still stay pretty sober. then people started buying shots/ drinks for me..lost count of how much i drank and then went back to a friends house and was up doing coke all night. i had 18 days sober and now i'm back to square 1..i wonder if i should even bother, i'll never be able to be sober. goddamn it.

KelKel

Hey April...
Eighteen days was a damn good start...
I know too well how it feels the day after....
And guess what you can do this....
Look at the situation and try to learn from it.
I do not put myself in sticky situations and places that might tempt me to drink... Bars are on the top of my "Stay Away From" list.

You do not take a two year old to candy store and tell them "okay now don't eat anything and I will be back in ten" and then expect them actually just sit there and not act like two year olds...


You are back... you are not alone... take care of you today with love and understanding... it will get better.... especially if you stay sober today.

quercusalba

Hey April... it IS worth it... and you definitely should bother with recovery. I know how crappy you feel at this moment, but this moment will pass. Trust me on that. The earth keeps on rolling and with it will go your bad feelings at present. I'm sorry you slipped.. but you haven't *lost* those 18 days. You still have them. I've had this said to me a dozen times - pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and get back in the saddle. You'll get there if you keep on trying. Meanwhile, don't put yourself in temptation's path.

We're here for you.

take care,
--anne

Lunachic

April~

Don't LOOK BACK sweetie!! Life is short..make it sweet! :e12i

YOU can do this, and you will! Think of it this way, your new date of sobriety will be..THE DAY AFTER YOUR BIRTHDAY! How kewl is that?

You are in my prayers girlie...lot o' (((hugs))) Lunachic/Lynda

True Blue

April,

When we fall down we just dust our butts off and start all over again. If we we don't we could die, and thats a fact.

Keep trying 18 days is a major accoplishment for a addict, you can do it just don't stop trying.

My thoughts and prayers are with you.

hopealwayz

I'm glad you came back. 18 days is awesome! You have what you learned in those days with you still. Stick with it and try to stay away from people who use. Life has much better things in store. When you begin to believe that, many beautiful things start to happen. Don't give up; the miracles of sobriety are far to beautiful to sweep under a rug. Thoughts and prayers your way today sweetie!

Love,
Hope

Wolverine

april, its about failing and trying. I got sober 3 years ago and I thought I could never do it..I had tried so many times to quit and I just lasted a couple of days. I thought there was no hope for me. I even went into rehab and was clean 3 months, came back out and the first thing I did was call a dealer and I was back on it.I tried to move far away but that didnt help either. But then I just finally made it one day. and I was clean for 2 years and I thought I was over it, so I started using again one year ago and thought I could handle it...but I couldnt and now I am hooked again(been clean 7 days for now) . I think we just have to stay away from all kinds of drugs cause we can never feel safe and secure if not!

if you get my point?

Wolverine

ok just wanted to add that that time I managed to quit for 2 years...that time I didnt do anything different from what I had done before. I just kept trying and one day it helped.

wingsfree

Hi ((((April)))) .....pleased to meet you.

So you fell, we know how awful it makes us feel when that happens, hungover the next day, puts our minds in crazy places, crazy thinking, makes us want to give up. I've done it enough times to see what's going on.

You say you'll never be able to be sober...um you put 18 days together....what does that tell you? from where I sit that's a HUGE accomplishment. Keep at it ok, don't let it bring you down like it does, rotten disease this is, it messes us up pretty good, twists our thinking.

Take care of yourself...onward we go, we'll keep on fighting as long as it takes, the day we GIVE UP is the day we are in trouble.

Sending good thoughts your way...love and extra hugs.....Denise

Cathy31

Hi April

That's happened to me so often...it's part of us learning that well, basically as alcholics we can't drink responsibly. We just can't. Hard to swallow. However, your 18 days leading up to it is really awesome, hope you got to see some of the benefits.

When I am bewildered by my own stupid actions, this from Desiderata helps me :

"And whether or not it is clear to you
No doubt the universe is unfolding as it should"

Keep coming back...this was a great start. Glad you got back so quickly. Good for you!
Cathy31
x

Jupiter2

Hey April,

I fell off the wagon many many times. Don't worry about it. Just get back up and try again. I've got 81 days today and never thought I would get this far. If I can do it, you certainly can!

Jup

Time4Me11

Hi April

Keep focused on those 18 days! Nobody can take them away from you and I am sure you learned so much. There are many bumps in the road until it smooths out and you get on your path.

Glad you are back!

dave

18 days WOW that was great.Sometimes we fall off and have to start over again and again.I,ve done that several times myself and i think you can do it again jest keep trying.Don,t forget how good you felt when you were,nt using,it helped me and it will help you if you let it.GOOD LUCK.and keep posting...

paigem2000

Keep going April! You can do it!

Paige