New...need I say more..
Alena
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: wilsonville oregon
Posts: 1
New...need I say more..
This is the one of the saddest days of my life, I heard yesterday from my doctor that I was an alcoholic...me...and he made me say the words and admit it and really own my life...and now what it is...I cannot drink, and to me that is the scariest part...is that sick or what...I want to be able to drink when I want to but I do not want to be weak or owned by anything....maybe what I am saying will mean something to someone else...may I add that as I write this I am having a glass of wine, I want to stop drinking and I want to write the reason down...I have a toddler that I love more than anything/one in the world and what kind of mom am I if she is always seeing me with a wine glass in my hand after work??That is ugly...it is wrong and it hurts me to be that kind of mom. I am a professional woman, I am attractive...I have things going for me...I work hard and I am a very good mom...but really I am the emptiest person in the world...and I do not kmow what to do with that feeling...so I try not to have any feelings at all...mind you I am not drunk all the time...in fact, I think that very few people think that I have a problem...I say I think because who am I fooling??? I have lost friends and done stupid ugly things while drinking, so that is my story...just the beginning, but enough.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: Minneapolis MN
Posts: 404
Welcome!
I hope that you stick around and meet some people here - I did and I found a lot of caring people that want to help, and that know exaclty where you are coming from! If you are a reader, I would recommend a book called 'Drinking: A Love Story' by Caroline Knapp - it is a very honest account of her own experiences with alcoholism. Personally, I found AA meetings helpful, but they may not be for everyone -
Good luck!
I hope that you stick around and meet some people here - I did and I found a lot of caring people that want to help, and that know exaclty where you are coming from! If you are a reader, I would recommend a book called 'Drinking: A Love Story' by Caroline Knapp - it is a very honest account of her own experiences with alcoholism. Personally, I found AA meetings helpful, but they may not be for everyone -
Good luck!
Member
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: NYC, NY
Posts: 193
Welcome Alena
You are very brave for facing your problem and reaching out. You may look back at this day not as your saddest at all....it must not seem like that now...huh?
You can say or ask anything you need to here to help you through this. It will be quite tough in the beginning. But, I and so many others will say to you (only two months here! after YEARS of heavy drinking), that there are HUGE gifts in sobriety that will show themselves relatively early....your daughter will surely be part of that.
Best Wishes, prayers and strenth to you!
You are very brave for facing your problem and reaching out. You may look back at this day not as your saddest at all....it must not seem like that now...huh?
You can say or ask anything you need to here to help you through this. It will be quite tough in the beginning. But, I and so many others will say to you (only two months here! after YEARS of heavy drinking), that there are HUGE gifts in sobriety that will show themselves relatively early....your daughter will surely be part of that.
Best Wishes, prayers and strenth to you!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: west sussex, uk
Posts: 60
I feel what your saying, I have two children and one of those is a toddler, 21 months (thats my boys in my picture). You'll find a lot of help here. Lots of people who will take time to listen to you while you let it all out.
God bless.
Mo x
God bless.
Mo x
Member
Join Date: Apr 2004
Posts: 8,709
Welcome to SoberRecovery Alena.
A lot of us have started a journey back to happiness by saying those four words... I am an alcoholic.
Taking the secrecy out of the equation allowed all that is good in me to come to light again.
Glad you're here.
A lot of us have started a journey back to happiness by saying those four words... I am an alcoholic.
Taking the secrecy out of the equation allowed all that is good in me to come to light again.
Glad you're here.
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
Hi amd Welcome!
Did your doctor discuss the way to detox from alcohol?
No one plans on becoming an alcoholic. I remember being angry when I faced my disease.
AA is where I have found a life full of joy and purpose.
Keep in touch...you are not alone in your search for sobriety.
No one plans on becoming an alcoholic. I remember being angry when I faced my disease.
AA is where I have found a life full of joy and purpose.
Keep in touch...you are not alone in your search for sobriety.
Psalm 118:24
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: ILLINOIS
Posts: 15,203
Alena,
welcome to the site. You mentioned the word admitted while talking with your doctor.
THE QUESTION REMAINS are you willing to accept it? Many of us knew we were alcoholic coming into AA. It's when we accept the fact that we are an aclcoholic we work on changing ourselves.
We drink to fill a void in our lives. For what ever reasons you drink, you'll need to fill your voids in a positive manner. Do you know what triggers your wanting to drink? Are you stressed? Do you feel unloved? Are you over worked?
Many things about sobriety have us looking inside ourselves to discover who we are. We drink to be behind a mask.
First thing I had to do was learn to like myself and to want to be the type of person I'd want to be around.
You mentioned having a toddler around the house. Let me tell you, time is very important. You can never get these moments back with your child. By staying sober, you'll have loving memories years from now. My mind is a fog of how it was when, my oldest 2 were young. I was divorced when the younger 2 were small so, I missed that as well
Welcome to the site
I hope you stay around
chris
welcome to the site. You mentioned the word admitted while talking with your doctor.
THE QUESTION REMAINS are you willing to accept it? Many of us knew we were alcoholic coming into AA. It's when we accept the fact that we are an aclcoholic we work on changing ourselves.
We drink to fill a void in our lives. For what ever reasons you drink, you'll need to fill your voids in a positive manner. Do you know what triggers your wanting to drink? Are you stressed? Do you feel unloved? Are you over worked?
Many things about sobriety have us looking inside ourselves to discover who we are. We drink to be behind a mask.
First thing I had to do was learn to like myself and to want to be the type of person I'd want to be around.
You mentioned having a toddler around the house. Let me tell you, time is very important. You can never get these moments back with your child. By staying sober, you'll have loving memories years from now. My mind is a fog of how it was when, my oldest 2 were young. I was divorced when the younger 2 were small so, I missed that as well
Welcome to the site
I hope you stay around
chris
We all need each other.
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: The road of happy destiny.
Posts: 2,294
Welcome Alena--Glad you are here. You just told my story, dear. And here I am, 14 months later, sober and feeling truly happy for the first time in my whole life. Life is not perfect, by any means, but it is 1000% better than it was when I was drinking.
May I suggest you try reading some of the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous? I think you may be surprised by what you find there. Here is a link to the book on-line:
http://www.aa.org/bigbookonline/
Hang in there, hon'. As Hope said, Welcome Home.
May I suggest you try reading some of the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous? I think you may be surprised by what you find there. Here is a link to the book on-line:
http://www.aa.org/bigbookonline/
Hang in there, hon'. As Hope said, Welcome Home.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: Portland, Oregon
Posts: 74
Alena!
Welcome Oh my gosh girl! YOU ARE SO LUCKY! Number 1. You came to the right place! 
And I just have to tell you this, you are so fortunate to do this for yourself, and your child!! I am only 3 months into my sobriety and I try NOT to look back, BUT..I lost so much raising my 3 children and now even my 6 grandkids! to this nasty disease.
Thanx to AA, God, and this excellent group of people here at SR I have a life like I never dreamed!
Also: I live in Portland!! Once you get all settled in, lol let's talk eh??
Best of luck Sweetie!
((hugs)) Lunachic/Lynda
Welcome
Oh my gosh girl! YOU ARE SO LUCKY! Number 1. You came to the right place! And I just have to tell you this, you are so fortunate to do this for yourself, and your child!! I am only 3 months into my sobriety and I try NOT to look back, BUT..I lost so much raising my 3 children and now even my 6 grandkids! to this nasty disease.
Thanx to AA, God, and this excellent group of people here at SR I have a life like I never dreamed!
Also: I live in Portland!! Once you get all settled in, lol let's talk eh??
Best of luck Sweetie!
((hugs)) Lunachic/Lynda
Member
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: Right here.
Posts: 105
Alena,
I know where you're coming from when you say "I cannot drink, and to me that is the scariest part". I also know the turmoil that goes on in your head when you realize that for the first time.
I could write page after page listing the damage that I've done to my life because of my drinking. I'll spare you the tedious details and just sum it up. I ruined my relationships with my fiance, my mother, my father, my brother, my sister, and my son (this list constitutes my entire family). Additionally, I got caught driving drunk a few times. I had to spend two years on probation with the knowledge that something as simple as a jaywalking ticket could invoke a two year prison sentence.
To any normal person, this would seem like a damn good reason to quit drinking. I'm not a normal person, though, so it didn't seem like much of a reason to me. It did, however, seem like a good reason to start hiding my drinking. So I did. And that worked for a while.
The problem there is that when you're hiding it, there's nobody else around to say "Hey, dontcha think you've had enough?"
That went on for about a year until the day came where I was discharged from my probation, and was free to be "me" again. Two weeks later I went to a friends house on a Friday night, had a few beers, went home, had a few more, then went to bed. The next morning I woke up in a county jail with no idea why I was there. I'm now preparing for trial on my third OWI (we're in felony territory now) and facing several years in prison instead of just a few days or weeks in the county jail. I'm probably going to lose my job, my house, and most importantly of all, the respect of my son.
But even now, the scariest part is admitting to myself that "I cannot drink".
Even after all of that, I'm drinking tonight. I hope you realize how stupid that makes me.
I know where you're coming from when you say "I cannot drink, and to me that is the scariest part". I also know the turmoil that goes on in your head when you realize that for the first time.
I could write page after page listing the damage that I've done to my life because of my drinking. I'll spare you the tedious details and just sum it up. I ruined my relationships with my fiance, my mother, my father, my brother, my sister, and my son (this list constitutes my entire family). Additionally, I got caught driving drunk a few times. I had to spend two years on probation with the knowledge that something as simple as a jaywalking ticket could invoke a two year prison sentence.
To any normal person, this would seem like a damn good reason to quit drinking. I'm not a normal person, though, so it didn't seem like much of a reason to me. It did, however, seem like a good reason to start hiding my drinking. So I did. And that worked for a while.
The problem there is that when you're hiding it, there's nobody else around to say "Hey, dontcha think you've had enough?"
That went on for about a year until the day came where I was discharged from my probation, and was free to be "me" again. Two weeks later I went to a friends house on a Friday night, had a few beers, went home, had a few more, then went to bed. The next morning I woke up in a county jail with no idea why I was there. I'm now preparing for trial on my third OWI (we're in felony territory now) and facing several years in prison instead of just a few days or weeks in the county jail. I'm probably going to lose my job, my house, and most importantly of all, the respect of my son.
But even now, the scariest part is admitting to myself that "I cannot drink".
Even after all of that, I'm drinking tonight. I hope you realize how stupid that makes me.
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