I am totally frustrated
Michelle
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Ontario Canada
Posts: 10
I am totally frustrated
I have a 26 year old son who still lives at home. He is an alcoholic and I just found out that he is doing drugs besides. A few months ago he took some pills and ended up in ER. He pays absolutely no room and board even though he has a full time job. The other day he was in really bad shape after a weekend of drinking and God knows what. I thought he would finally go for help but after a night's sleep he is doing nothing. I have wanted to kick him out for so long but my husband doesn't want me to. Truthfully we are both afraid that if we kick him out he might just kill himself the next time. All of this is very hard on me. I grew up with an alcoholic father and a mother with mental problems. When I look at my son I get flashbacks of my Dad when he was drinking. I feel so helpless and fed up. I just don't know what to do any more.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: Anaheim,CA
Posts: 549
First of all, welcome.
Everyone here is dealing with or had dealt with someone addicted to alcohol, so most can honestly say "I understand".
I urge you to read everything you can about this disease. The "stickies" at the top of this page are a great place to start. If you are not going to alanon you should consider that as well.
Only you know what is right for you, but as you read thru the posts here you'll see many have faced this same problem. Their stories of how they handled it may inspire an idea in you.
I hope you'll come back often...there is much wisdom here.
Everyone here is dealing with or had dealt with someone addicted to alcohol, so most can honestly say "I understand".
I urge you to read everything you can about this disease. The "stickies" at the top of this page are a great place to start. If you are not going to alanon you should consider that as well.
Only you know what is right for you, but as you read thru the posts here you'll see many have faced this same problem. Their stories of how they handled it may inspire an idea in you.
I hope you'll come back often...there is much wisdom here.
Dancing To My Own Beat
Join Date: Oct 2003
Location: I don't know what kind of state I'm in
Posts: 1,326
mitch,
Welcome. I agree with WTL. The Al-Anon welcome tells us that "without help, living with an alcoholic is too much for most of us." Reaching out is the first step in recovering from the effect alcoholism has on our own life. I also learned that I didn't cause it, I can't cure it, and I can't control it. With help, I can stop contributing to it.
We all want the best for our loved ones. We don't want to see them suffer. But a lot of what we do in the spirit of helping is often aggravating and enabling the problem. With the help of Al-Anon, we can learn to promote recovery in our own life, and share that with our family members. It's their choice to find recovery in their own time. Until that time, we can find understanding, and healing to help us to cope with alcoholism.
I am glad you joined us. I wish for you the peace and serenity that I have found in recovery. Hugs, Magic
Welcome. I agree with WTL. The Al-Anon welcome tells us that "without help, living with an alcoholic is too much for most of us." Reaching out is the first step in recovering from the effect alcoholism has on our own life. I also learned that I didn't cause it, I can't cure it, and I can't control it. With help, I can stop contributing to it.
We all want the best for our loved ones. We don't want to see them suffer. But a lot of what we do in the spirit of helping is often aggravating and enabling the problem. With the help of Al-Anon, we can learn to promote recovery in our own life, and share that with our family members. It's their choice to find recovery in their own time. Until that time, we can find understanding, and healing to help us to cope with alcoholism.
I am glad you joined us. I wish for you the peace and serenity that I have found in recovery. Hugs, Magic
Member
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: In the dark
Posts: 2
Michelle,
You are not alone--in either your frustration or your pain. My son is a 39 year-old alcoholic. He was living at home until he decided to leave last Monday. We have no clue as to where he is or how he is--though we're certain he is drinking.
We've gone through this in the past--several times. We've always answered his calls for help and taken him back into our home when he asked. This time, we are determined not to enable him again. We will try to respond with love, but not provide a place for him to pause until his next binge.
We all love our children (and spouses and siblings) and feel that somehow we should be able to help them "conquer" their alcoholism. The problem is only they can decide when and if they will quit using. Our well-intentioned "help" often really does enable their behaviors. (That's a hard pill to swallow--but seems to be the cornerstone for building a survival technique for parents and significant others.)
God help all of us.
You are not alone--in either your frustration or your pain. My son is a 39 year-old alcoholic. He was living at home until he decided to leave last Monday. We have no clue as to where he is or how he is--though we're certain he is drinking.
We've gone through this in the past--several times. We've always answered his calls for help and taken him back into our home when he asked. This time, we are determined not to enable him again. We will try to respond with love, but not provide a place for him to pause until his next binge.
We all love our children (and spouses and siblings) and feel that somehow we should be able to help them "conquer" their alcoholism. The problem is only they can decide when and if they will quit using. Our well-intentioned "help" often really does enable their behaviors. (That's a hard pill to swallow--but seems to be the cornerstone for building a survival technique for parents and significant others.)
God help all of us.
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