emily33

I am having a hard time dealing with seperating my feelings. I wanted something this weekend, my H is completly opposed to the idea. If it wasnt for him, I would have it yesterday. Because he told me no and I felt guilty because I know how much he didnt want it, I pouted on Saturday, I was upset because your kingship has spoken. I dont take well to him telling me no. I avoided him yesterday, I cried, I was short with him.

His words to me were, this is what I get if I dont give in and let you get what you want.

Is this so?? Hmmmmm, yes I acted like a poop saturday, but I was sad, angry, disappointed, and yes resented him because he was the one stopping me from getting what i wanted. I have my own money, I was going to pay for it myself. I couldnt swallow that issue the whole day, and I wanted to be left alone with my bad attitude, so I could deal with it, and yes I was hoping he would change his mind. Everytime he seen me, he knew I was upset and asked me what was wrong, I told him, same thing that was wrong an hour ago, I told him you are stopping me from doing what I have always wanted to do, and I would never stop you from your dreams. He would then get mad.

I only brought it up once the whole day, which was in the am, but yes I was a poop the whole day, but he should have just let me alone. I wasnt bothering him, I left him alone, it killed him to see me upset (he says) but this is where he puts his foot down. He wanted me to be happy about giving in, he wanted me to understand his feelings and go along with them and completly push mine aside or he wants me to accept no gracefuly and without having any type of dissapointment, and really expect me to be okay?

All I know is I am not okay with someone telling me I cant. Be cool and seperate that issue with the rest of the day. HOW??

zoe

My first question is why did he not want you to get what you wanted? Did you discuss this? Would it hurt your relationship in some way? Was he being resonable or obstinant? Why did you not get what you wanted? Is what you wanted so important that you are willing to feel bad for days at a time?
Zoe

ASpouse

For me I used to beg my husband to tell me "no you can't have that" and participate in our marriage.

He still has a hard time with that and I still have a hard time accepting "NO" but we are working on it and talking about it.

Emily, you need to give more details about this as Zoe asked. From what you say, I will agree with your husband on this one.

walkingtheline

I am bothered by this.

A husband is a partner, not a parent. Spouses should have some money of their own and be free to spend it as they wish. Having said that was this item something that would impact your marriage or your home?

For instance, if you wanted to buy something personal (clothing ect) and he said "no" that's wrong in my opinion. But if you wanted to buy a pet that would require a change in everyone in the household or replace a piece of furniture he loved that needed to be discussed.

And do you have veto power on his purchases? This might be the key to this issue. A marriage should be a partnership and each should have equal privledges, otherwise you're living in a monarchy...or worse.

So like Zoe, I have questions.

ASpouse

That's why I asked for more details. It's hard to say yes or no when all the details are not forthcoming.

emily33

I want a puppy

ASpouse

Then I agree with your husband ...... you want a puppy for all the wrong reasons Emily. Being a breeder, I screen people and ask lots of questions before selling them a pup. You say all the things that raises red flags to me.

You have enough to take care of and deal with without having a puppy.