4th step
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: brandon man, canada
Posts: 258
4th step
Hello everybody i need some help.The 4 th step is what i,m trying to do in the 12 steps of A.A.I need advise on how to do it if anyone could please help me.I seem to get to that step and i fall off the wagon and i sure dont want to do that again with jest about 4 months of beening sober. 
Member
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: fumbling towards ecstasy
Posts: 2,551
Hey, Dave. I'm on the 4th step right now, too. And it seems everyone around me here is as well. Funny how that works.
Do you have a sponsor? IMHO, that's the person who should guide you through the process. You can start by reading from the bottom of page 63 in the BB (4th ed). Plus there are lots of really good guides to the 4th step on the net.
I am surprised at the resistance and fear I've encountered in starting this step. I am willing and I need the relief that it brings, yet still I balk. So, what has been helping me is realizing that step 4 is the writing part only. I don't have to even think about step 5, giving it to another person, yet. Right now it is just between me and god, which gives me the freedom to dig deep and be totally naked in my honesty.
Kudos to you for doing the work, my friend. It works for me only when I work it.
--phinny
Do you have a sponsor? IMHO, that's the person who should guide you through the process. You can start by reading from the bottom of page 63 in the BB (4th ed). Plus there are lots of really good guides to the 4th step on the net.
I am surprised at the resistance and fear I've encountered in starting this step. I am willing and I need the relief that it brings, yet still I balk. So, what has been helping me is realizing that step 4 is the writing part only. I don't have to even think about step 5, giving it to another person, yet. Right now it is just between me and god, which gives me the freedom to dig deep and be totally naked in my honesty.
Kudos to you for doing the work, my friend. It works for me only when I work it.
--phinny
Member
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: QVB NYC NY
Posts: 620
in my opinion, anyone coming to a message board for advice on the 4th step isn't ready to attempt it.
are you talking to a sponsor about step work?
have you done steps 1,2, and 3?
the steps were not meant to be done alone.
are you talking to a sponsor about step work?
have you done steps 1,2, and 3?
the steps were not meant to be done alone.
Paused
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: Washington
Posts: 5,093
The fourth step is definately meant to be done with a sponsor. He will guide you and walk you through it. If you have one, call him. If not, get one. Everyone seems to balk at the fourth step. Once you get rolling, it isn't so bad and it's great to release our fears and resentments on paper. You'll feel much lighter after putting down those heavy burdens. Good luck...
We all need each other.
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: The road of happy destiny.
Posts: 2,294
I struggled with the 4th step as well. And contrary to another's opinion, I think it is great that you are coming here to hear other's experience with the step. I do, however, think it is imperative to have a sponsor to help you through the step face to face. My sponsor encouraged me to talk to others in the program and hear about their experiences. For me, I just had to trudge on through it. My sponsor said the most important thing was to be honest, and follow the instructions clearly laid out in the Big Book. You will get through it if you remain willing to go to any lengths!!!
Hang in there!
Hang in there!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: a spiritual vortex, Colorado
Posts: 43
yeh- sponsor is important- i was pretty wacko at that time- there was even some gunfire involved im my 4th step
but it was where i count that some real personal insights/changes/reconciliations were made.
i absolutely think that surrender is the groundwork- and surrender implies the honesty openmindedness and willingness it takes to do recovery.
this is where the inner journey can take place- its no wonder that our fear can really rear up- this is where our disease knows that we are serious about sobriety...Rumi sez that on this journey "fear is the sieve" which seperates the ones who are willing.
i had to replace fear with faith that what would happen on the other side was worth the pain i would go thru.
it was.
mackat
but it was where i count that some real personal insights/changes/reconciliations were made.
i absolutely think that surrender is the groundwork- and surrender implies the honesty openmindedness and willingness it takes to do recovery.
this is where the inner journey can take place- its no wonder that our fear can really rear up- this is where our disease knows that we are serious about sobriety...Rumi sez that on this journey "fear is the sieve" which seperates the ones who are willing.
i had to replace fear with faith that what would happen on the other side was worth the pain i would go thru.
it was.
mackat
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Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: QVB NYC NY
Posts: 620
well said mackcat, that is why i insist that steps 1, 2, and 3 be completed by my sponcees. it might be possible to do a 4th step with the doorknob as you're higher power, but i don't see it?
and the faith comes from within, i don't believe others experience can help, but thats just me. one on one with myself is what it took for me to do it.
and the faith comes from within, i don't believe others experience can help, but thats just me. one on one with myself is what it took for me to do it.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Beaver, WA
Posts: 1,346
((((((((Dave)))))))))
Congrats on just about 4 months. You got some great replies above. I will share with you this-
I tried doing A.A.'s 12 Steps off the wall at a fellowship hall in my head. It only provided off the wall sobriety. My Sponsor showed me that the ones on the wall were only an outline of the actual process with clear-cut directions that were laid out in the Big Book. It was wonderful to have another gentleman do these Steps with me. He did his work, I did my work. What a gift the show me, instead of tell me program has been.
(((((((((Dave))))))))) I would suggest you get rid of the wagon
& instead get into action. Sounds like your ready to rock and roll.
3 Legacies
Congrats on just about 4 months. You got some great replies above. I will share with you this-
I tried doing A.A.'s 12 Steps off the wall at a fellowship hall in my head. It only provided off the wall sobriety. My Sponsor showed me that the ones on the wall were only an outline of the actual process with clear-cut directions that were laid out in the Big Book. It was wonderful to have another gentleman do these Steps with me. He did his work, I did my work. What a gift the show me, instead of tell me program has been.
(((((((((Dave))))))))) I would suggest you get rid of the wagon
& instead get into action. Sounds like your ready to rock and roll.
3 Legacies
Member
Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: Akron, Ohio
Posts: 94
I would imagine that the fourth step is so difficult for a lot of people because it is scary stuff--having to humble yourself like that and make a searching and fearless moral inventory. Admitting that our life hasn't been all sunshine and roses--but we already know that, don't we?
Part of me wants to do it, because I know it will lead to a better future for me, but I know it's going to be the hardest step so far and it's intimidating! I know how you feel.
I'm not sure what the heck step I'm on. I thought I did the first three okay, but I feel like I'm starting over at step one again. I haven't picked up that first drink yet, but I saw my thought patterns heading that way. There's no need to rush the steps. When you're ready for the fourth step, I guess you (and I) will know it.
Part of me wants to do it, because I know it will lead to a better future for me, but I know it's going to be the hardest step so far and it's intimidating! I know how you feel.
I'm not sure what the heck step I'm on. I thought I did the first three okay, but I feel like I'm starting over at step one again. I haven't picked up that first drink yet, but I saw my thought patterns heading that way. There's no need to rush the steps. When you're ready for the fourth step, I guess you (and I) will know it.
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Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: QVB NYC NY
Posts: 620
great reply lilalkie!
that is why steps 1, 2, and 3 are so very important!
we can discuss our opinions here till we're all blue in the face, or we can read and follow what was written, something proven to work
that is why steps 1, 2, and 3 are so very important!
we can discuss our opinions here till we're all blue in the face, or we can read and follow what was written, something proven to work
Not all better, getting better
Join Date: Feb 2002
Location: The Beautiful Inner Banks of NC
Posts: 1,702
Hey Dave, I don't think friendofbill meant anything personally by that comment. There is a guy who posts on this forum who goes by the handle Doorknob. Not trying to fight FOB's fight, but I thought you should know.
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