Step Study - Step 2
the girl can't help it
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: splendraville
Posts: 5,599
How wonderful it is to know that I do not have to fix anything that I can place all of my fears,loved ones,myself,joy ect...in the hands of my HP. Coming to believe that something greater than myself is in control was such a relief for this person who thought they were responsible for fixing everything .....What a blessing to finally have some sanity!!!
No More Mrs. Nice Guy
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: Iowa
Posts: 724
Step Study - Step 2
If you are just joining in, please see the thread entitled Step Study - Step 1. Each of the 12 steps will have its own thread, so you can participate at whatever level you are comfortable
Most of the information here comes from the book Paths To Recovery, Al-Anon’s Steps, Traditions and Concepts.
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Step Two: Came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.
The basic spiritual principle introduced in Step Two suggests that there is a Power greater than we are that provides hope for sanity, whether we are living with active alcoholism or not. Step Two reaffirms that we may be powerless, but we are NOT helpless, and we are not alone. For many of us, the introduction of a Power greater than ourselves is difficult to understand. Some initially believe we are speaking of a religious entity. We are not. We are speaking of a loving, caring, nurturing Power that provides us with guidance in dealing with the effects of the disease of alcoholism.
…. Acceptance of Step Two is paramount to working the rest of the Al Anon steps. Tripping over Step Two and skipping to other Steps indicates a lack of acceptance of Step One. Many members have difficulty beginning to work this Step for their personal recovery……. The wisdom of members who have worked these steps before us is essential to understanding fully the spiritual answers and guidance we are about to experience. Trusting our group and trusting a sponsor are only stepping stones to accepting a Power greater than ourselves.
… Some of us reject religion of any kind and call ourselves either agnostics or atheists. It is important to hear that, whether we practice a particular religion or not, all of us are welcome in Al-Anon. Yet, when we approach Step Two, we may suspect that a group ideology will be revealed, and we will be forced to conform or leave. Instead the group’s members turn us toward defining our own idea of a Higher Power and we come to believe that such a Power could exist and might help us.
In beginning to understand Step Two, we learn that we have choices…. If we struggle with the concept of a Higher Power in any way, we can begin by acting “as if”. By reflecting on more serene or peaceful times in our lives, we begin to appreciate today. The slogan “One Day at a Time” takes on a new meaning as we commit ourselves to reading a page each day in our (daily readers).
… Sanity can be defined in many ways. Many share that they no longer purchase alcohol for the alcoholic. Other speaks of removing themselves from tumultuous situations. Some share of defusing arguments by merely stating, “You might be right.” Taking a bubble bath or going skiing for a day can offer new perspectives on the situation. Gradually and gratefully we develop a faith in a Higher Power. We begin to recognize that the old behavior, if it returns, doesn’t have to return for the same duration.
~~ From Paths to Recovery. Al Anon’s Steps, Traditions and Concepts. 1997 pp 18-21.
Most of the information here comes from the book Paths To Recovery, Al-Anon’s Steps, Traditions and Concepts.
= = = = = = = = = =
Step Two: Came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.
The basic spiritual principle introduced in Step Two suggests that there is a Power greater than we are that provides hope for sanity, whether we are living with active alcoholism or not. Step Two reaffirms that we may be powerless, but we are NOT helpless, and we are not alone. For many of us, the introduction of a Power greater than ourselves is difficult to understand. Some initially believe we are speaking of a religious entity. We are not. We are speaking of a loving, caring, nurturing Power that provides us with guidance in dealing with the effects of the disease of alcoholism.
…. Acceptance of Step Two is paramount to working the rest of the Al Anon steps. Tripping over Step Two and skipping to other Steps indicates a lack of acceptance of Step One. Many members have difficulty beginning to work this Step for their personal recovery……. The wisdom of members who have worked these steps before us is essential to understanding fully the spiritual answers and guidance we are about to experience. Trusting our group and trusting a sponsor are only stepping stones to accepting a Power greater than ourselves.
… Some of us reject religion of any kind and call ourselves either agnostics or atheists. It is important to hear that, whether we practice a particular religion or not, all of us are welcome in Al-Anon. Yet, when we approach Step Two, we may suspect that a group ideology will be revealed, and we will be forced to conform or leave. Instead the group’s members turn us toward defining our own idea of a Higher Power and we come to believe that such a Power could exist and might help us.
In beginning to understand Step Two, we learn that we have choices…. If we struggle with the concept of a Higher Power in any way, we can begin by acting “as if”. By reflecting on more serene or peaceful times in our lives, we begin to appreciate today. The slogan “One Day at a Time” takes on a new meaning as we commit ourselves to reading a page each day in our (daily readers).
… Sanity can be defined in many ways. Many share that they no longer purchase alcohol for the alcoholic. Other speaks of removing themselves from tumultuous situations. Some share of defusing arguments by merely stating, “You might be right.” Taking a bubble bath or going skiing for a day can offer new perspectives on the situation. Gradually and gratefully we develop a faith in a Higher Power. We begin to recognize that the old behavior, if it returns, doesn’t have to return for the same duration.
~~ From Paths to Recovery. Al Anon’s Steps, Traditions and Concepts. 1997 pp 18-21.
No More Mrs. Nice Guy
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: Iowa
Posts: 724
Step 2: Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.
What is my concept of a Higher Power at this time?
What would it take to allow my concept of my Higher Power to change?
Have past experiences affected my concept of a Higher Power? If so, how?
What do I hope to gain from accepting the concept of a Power greater than myself?
Do I sense spiritual guidance in my life? How?
How do I describe the Higher Power I found in Al-Anon?
What does “Let Go and Let God” mean to me?
What does faith mean to me?
With whom and in what circumstances am I comfortable discussing my spiritual experiences?
What might I gain from believing I could be supported and loved by a Power greater than myself?
What does “came to believe” mean to me?
What does sanity mean to me?
How has the alcoholic situation affected my sanity? My life?
Have I allowed the alcoholic situation to become my Higher Power? How?
How has my thinking become distorted trying to handle the alcoholic behavior?
How have I turned to a Power greater than myself in times of great need? Did I call another Al-Anon member? My sponsor? Did I read Al Anon Conference Approved Literature (CAL)? Did I go to a meeting? If not, why not?
In working this Step, can I describe a Step Two experience to my sponsor or my group? In a written sharing?
When have I done the same things over and over, yet expected different results?
What is my concept of a Higher Power at this time?
What would it take to allow my concept of my Higher Power to change?
Have past experiences affected my concept of a Higher Power? If so, how?
What do I hope to gain from accepting the concept of a Power greater than myself?
Do I sense spiritual guidance in my life? How?
How do I describe the Higher Power I found in Al-Anon?
What does “Let Go and Let God” mean to me?
What does faith mean to me?
With whom and in what circumstances am I comfortable discussing my spiritual experiences?
What might I gain from believing I could be supported and loved by a Power greater than myself?
What does “came to believe” mean to me?
What does sanity mean to me?
How has the alcoholic situation affected my sanity? My life?
Have I allowed the alcoholic situation to become my Higher Power? How?
How has my thinking become distorted trying to handle the alcoholic behavior?
How have I turned to a Power greater than myself in times of great need? Did I call another Al-Anon member? My sponsor? Did I read Al Anon Conference Approved Literature (CAL)? Did I go to a meeting? If not, why not?
In working this Step, can I describe a Step Two experience to my sponsor or my group? In a written sharing?
When have I done the same things over and over, yet expected different results?
No More Mrs. Nice Guy
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: Iowa
Posts: 724
Courage to Change ODAT in Al-Anon II 1/17
Anyone who watched my interactions with the alcoholics in my life probably would have considered me the crazy one. I was the one who searched from bar to bar, made scenes in public places, and got hysterical over little things. I was also the one who agonized over the alcoholic’s behavior, lied, made apologies and excuses, and resented everything I was doing. Was this sane?
Al-Anon was the first place where I ever thought to question my own sanity. I found that I couldn’t overcome the effects of this disease by force of will or reason. As they say, my best thinking got me here. But Al-Anon’s Second Step suggested that a Higher Power could restore me to sanity.
I knew that I felt more rational in an Al-Anon meeting than I did at any other time, and so I turned for help to the Power that seemed to flow through those meetings. From time to time I still have my irrational moments, but I no longer blame my erratic behavior on anyone else. i now know exactly where to turn when I am ready to find sanity once more.
Today’s Reminder
Today I will focus on my own behavior. If it could stand some improvement, I will ask a Power greater than myself for help.
“If we do not change our direction, we are likely to end up where we are headed.”
Ancient Chinese proverb
Anyone who watched my interactions with the alcoholics in my life probably would have considered me the crazy one. I was the one who searched from bar to bar, made scenes in public places, and got hysterical over little things. I was also the one who agonized over the alcoholic’s behavior, lied, made apologies and excuses, and resented everything I was doing. Was this sane?
Al-Anon was the first place where I ever thought to question my own sanity. I found that I couldn’t overcome the effects of this disease by force of will or reason. As they say, my best thinking got me here. But Al-Anon’s Second Step suggested that a Higher Power could restore me to sanity.
I knew that I felt more rational in an Al-Anon meeting than I did at any other time, and so I turned for help to the Power that seemed to flow through those meetings. From time to time I still have my irrational moments, but I no longer blame my erratic behavior on anyone else. i now know exactly where to turn when I am ready to find sanity once more.
Today’s Reminder
Today I will focus on my own behavior. If it could stand some improvement, I will ask a Power greater than myself for help.
“If we do not change our direction, we are likely to end up where we are headed.”
Ancient Chinese proverb
No More Mrs. Nice Guy
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: Iowa
Posts: 724
Courage to Change ODAT in Al-Anon II 6/4
The Second Step is about possibility, about hope. With this Step, we come to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity. We are asked to open our minds to the possibility that help is available. Perhaps there is a source of assistance that can do for us what we have been unable to do for ourselves. We don’t have to believe it will happen, only that it could.
This little bit of hope, this ***** in the armor of despair, is enough to show that we are willing to move in the direction of healing. Once we recognize that the possibility of help exists, it seems worthwhile to explore a relationship with a Higher Power. A little willingness can go a long way toward making hope and faith an ongoing part of our lives. In the hands of a Higher Power, sanity and serenity become realistic hopes.
Today’s Reminder
Our literature speaks of the possibility of finding contentment and even happiness through recovery in Al-Anon. Today I will take the Second Step in that process and open my mind to hope.
“Finding inner strength is looking beyond the visible and focusing life’s search on the unseen.”
As We Understood…
The Second Step is about possibility, about hope. With this Step, we come to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity. We are asked to open our minds to the possibility that help is available. Perhaps there is a source of assistance that can do for us what we have been unable to do for ourselves. We don’t have to believe it will happen, only that it could.
This little bit of hope, this ***** in the armor of despair, is enough to show that we are willing to move in the direction of healing. Once we recognize that the possibility of help exists, it seems worthwhile to explore a relationship with a Higher Power. A little willingness can go a long way toward making hope and faith an ongoing part of our lives. In the hands of a Higher Power, sanity and serenity become realistic hopes.
Today’s Reminder
Our literature speaks of the possibility of finding contentment and even happiness through recovery in Al-Anon. Today I will take the Second Step in that process and open my mind to hope.
“Finding inner strength is looking beyond the visible and focusing life’s search on the unseen.”
As We Understood…
Member
Join Date: May 2004
Location: In the mountain air
Posts: 1,345
"Came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity."
Thanks again for this step study, Barb.
When I first started working on my own recovery, my faith in a traditional HP was pretty shattered, from a lot of things, going back to my childhood on...I remembered someone in one of Mike's NA meetings talking about how an HP does NOT have to be "God" - and that was what I needed at that time. I found myself using SR as a higher power - something that I could draw strength from when I needed it, someplace where I could regain my sanity when I felt it was wavering, or that I had just plain lost it. It became a place where I could find the support I needed, the hope I was lacking, and as it turned out, it was also a place where I could see what a traditional HP had brought to so many others, and because of this, I've also been able to begin to restore my own faith in a God of my understanding. I have since learned to let go, and leave things in my HP's hands. I've been able to find my sanity when I couldn't for the life of me figure out how I could even begin to think that I've ever even had sanity. I've learned that forgiveness is a key for me - for too long I blamed myself for things that I couldn't have possibly caused, and because it was too much blame for the little girl I was at the time, I gave my HP the rest of the blame and turned my back. I've learned forgiveness, and because I've been able to do that, I've been able to give my faith to my HP and let Him guide me, and turn things over to Him that are just too big for me to handle.
Thanks again for this step study, Barb.
When I first started working on my own recovery, my faith in a traditional HP was pretty shattered, from a lot of things, going back to my childhood on...I remembered someone in one of Mike's NA meetings talking about how an HP does NOT have to be "God" - and that was what I needed at that time. I found myself using SR as a higher power - something that I could draw strength from when I needed it, someplace where I could regain my sanity when I felt it was wavering, or that I had just plain lost it. It became a place where I could find the support I needed, the hope I was lacking, and as it turned out, it was also a place where I could see what a traditional HP had brought to so many others, and because of this, I've also been able to begin to restore my own faith in a God of my understanding. I have since learned to let go, and leave things in my HP's hands. I've been able to find my sanity when I couldn't for the life of me figure out how I could even begin to think that I've ever even had sanity. I've learned that forgiveness is a key for me - for too long I blamed myself for things that I couldn't have possibly caused, and because it was too much blame for the little girl I was at the time, I gave my HP the rest of the blame and turned my back. I've learned forgiveness, and because I've been able to do that, I've been able to give my faith to my HP and let Him guide me, and turn things over to Him that are just too big for me to handle.
Supply Manager
Join Date: Feb 2002
Location: Cleaverville
Posts: 2,898
Oh my!
The first thing about this step that got me was the word insane...well insanity. I mean I knew I was in these "classes" because things weren't going well. I had already been subjected to the idea that I wasn't mananging my life, but insane?? Now that was a stretch. I wasn't the one who was insane!
The saying that got me, and still holds me is that the definition of insanity is doing the same things over and over expecting a different result.
Now, how sane is it to threaten to leave every payday if he doesn't come straight home with that check and continue to cover the bills when he doesn't?
How sane is it to trust our children in a car with the other parent when we know that parent drinks and drives?
How sane is it to expect them to come home at 6pm on Saturday night when they have stayed out till 4am every Saturday since we have known them?
I had to admit that I was insane.
How sane is it to punch a hole in the wall with the doorknob because you slammed it so hard it almost came off the hinges or punch your fist through glass? I have done both and I have done worse.
I had to admit I was insane...not the alcoholic...me!
Step Two: Came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.
I had to become willing to believe that I could become sane again. I had to become willing to believe that there was someone/something more powerful than myself, which was another stretch.
I never had a God that I prayed to. I never had faith or any of that, so coming to believe that a mysterious power or force could fix it all was a real leap. The thing I did see was the faces of the people in my group and I could hear the words they used, the slogans and sayings. They had something I did not have and I wanted it.
For me it was more about becoming willing to believe well before I "came to believe" but that willingness is what opened the door to believing.
Hugs,
JT
The first thing about this step that got me was the word insane...well insanity. I mean I knew I was in these "classes" because things weren't going well. I had already been subjected to the idea that I wasn't mananging my life, but insane?? Now that was a stretch. I wasn't the one who was insane!
The saying that got me, and still holds me is that the definition of insanity is doing the same things over and over expecting a different result.
Now, how sane is it to threaten to leave every payday if he doesn't come straight home with that check and continue to cover the bills when he doesn't?
How sane is it to trust our children in a car with the other parent when we know that parent drinks and drives?
How sane is it to expect them to come home at 6pm on Saturday night when they have stayed out till 4am every Saturday since we have known them?
I had to admit that I was insane.
How sane is it to punch a hole in the wall with the doorknob because you slammed it so hard it almost came off the hinges or punch your fist through glass? I have done both and I have done worse.
I had to admit I was insane...not the alcoholic...me!
Step Two: Came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.
I had to become willing to believe that I could become sane again. I had to become willing to believe that there was someone/something more powerful than myself, which was another stretch.
I never had a God that I prayed to. I never had faith or any of that, so coming to believe that a mysterious power or force could fix it all was a real leap. The thing I did see was the faces of the people in my group and I could hear the words they used, the slogans and sayings. They had something I did not have and I wanted it.
For me it was more about becoming willing to believe well before I "came to believe" but that willingness is what opened the door to believing.
Hugs,
JT
No More Mrs. Nice Guy
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: Iowa
Posts: 724
ONE of the very first things I did when I found recovery was to FIRE the God I grew up with and get a new one, the God of MY understanding. The childhood one was a very dominating, punishing god who kept score and who judged me constantly, and I was sure I would never measure up and would most certainly burn in hades for all eternity.
It was such an amazing concept to me that I could FIRE that god and start over with a new one. It might sound funny, but it was such a big relief. My God - my Higher Power - is so much fun to work with. He has a big heart, he's gracious and understanding, and he has a fabulous sense of humor. I imagine Him up there, watching me go thru some trial or tribulation, and shaking his head... saying, well, there she goes again! But I also imagine Him there at the bottom of the hill, picking me up, dusting me off, and saying "well THAT was certainly interesting, wasn't it? What did you learn?" Other times I find myself saying, "Well, I have tried everything else, and nothing is working... maybe I should just hand this over to my HP."
Eventually, I come to the realization that handing things over to the care of my HP should be one of the FIRST things I do, not the very last thing after I have exhausted my options.
It was such an amazing concept to me that I could FIRE that god and start over with a new one. It might sound funny, but it was such a big relief. My God - my Higher Power - is so much fun to work with. He has a big heart, he's gracious and understanding, and he has a fabulous sense of humor. I imagine Him up there, watching me go thru some trial or tribulation, and shaking his head... saying, well, there she goes again! But I also imagine Him there at the bottom of the hill, picking me up, dusting me off, and saying "well THAT was certainly interesting, wasn't it? What did you learn?" Other times I find myself saying, "Well, I have tried everything else, and nothing is working... maybe I should just hand this over to my HP."
Eventually, I come to the realization that handing things over to the care of my HP should be one of the FIRST things I do, not the very last thing after I have exhausted my options.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: uk
Posts: 3,054
Step 2: Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.
That aside I don't feel I'm mentally ill, I have been when I was depressed but that's well over a year ago now. At that time I had toget help from the docs and address issues in my life like never asking for help - making real changes worked for me.
As for a higher power I suppose you could see the health system in those terms but I wouldn't recomend absolute trust. I'm for freedom of information and patients being active in their own care.
There are many other powers higher than me - I just don't believe in them as a conscious force, nor do I expect them to be aware of me as an individual. I can leave a person to their own fate but I don't expect that 'fate' to care what it is.
There's no way I could internalise this step - short of a miracle!!
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Every word JT said could have come from me. Insanity showed in my actions.
It was insane to drive through some of the neighbourhoods I drove through in the middle of the night looking for my son.
It was insane to think that if I had found him, he'd come home and stop using.
It was insane to think that I had the power to stop addiction.
Although I didn't know what it was at the time, I too wanted what those in my fellowship had. The peace and serenity in spite of problems. Step 2 was not about yet identifying what it was, it was about coming to believe that there was "something" that could restore me to sanity, and that whatever it was, was a power greater than me. And it was about surrendering to the fact that I couldn't do it alone, that it would take a power greater than myself to restore my life to one of serenity and peace.
Hugs
Ann
It was insane to drive through some of the neighbourhoods I drove through in the middle of the night looking for my son.
It was insane to think that if I had found him, he'd come home and stop using.
It was insane to think that I had the power to stop addiction.
Although I didn't know what it was at the time, I too wanted what those in my fellowship had. The peace and serenity in spite of problems. Step 2 was not about yet identifying what it was, it was about coming to believe that there was "something" that could restore me to sanity, and that whatever it was, was a power greater than me. And it was about surrendering to the fact that I couldn't do it alone, that it would take a power greater than myself to restore my life to one of serenity and peace.
Hugs
Ann
No More Mrs. Nice Guy
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: Iowa
Posts: 724
[QUOTE]Have I allowed the alcoholic situation to become my Higher Power? How?
There was a time in my life that this was all I could think about, all I talked about: The latest episode in our never-ending drama. It was the first thing I thought about when I woke up, the thing that followed me everywhere during the day and motivated my actions, my only topic of conversation with close friends, my last thought before I went to sleep and most often was the subject of my dreams. It still amazes me today how much POWER I gave to our sad and crazy situation.
How has my thinking become distorted trying to handle the alcoholic behavior? Simply put, I honestly believed that if I did something different, someone else's behavior would change. With some help, I realized that I was on the brink of a total breakdown/meltdown if I didn't make some changes. I am a list maker, so when I found myself so totally overwhelmed and exhausted will all these things going on in my life that required MY help in order to be resolved, I made a list. I wrote down each situation, and broke some of them down further into parts. Next to each I wrote what was MY part in all of it, what did I actually, TRULY have control over?
For example, in the midst of the madness, my father was dying and lived 700 miles away. This was before PC's and instant messaging and cell phones... I realized I was powerless over his health and his impending death. I decided that what I could do was to call him whenever I was thinking about him or had something I wanted to talk to him about, a joke to tell that I knew he would enjoy, a book to discuss that maybe he'd like to read. Sometimes I called him more than once a day! When he died, I knew in my heart that I had done all I could do, and I was at peace with that.
I also had to let go of my A's relationship with his children. (my stepkids). I quit trying to be a peace maker, and I quit trying to make everyone behave and be perfect so that we didn't upset the A and bring on yet another RAGE of anger. That was the day I quit walking on egg shells. He was going to do what he did, regardless of what WE did.
As for insanity vs sanity? I made a list there as well. Since I really didn't know what sanity looked like, I made a list of the crazy behaviors and bizarre thoughts and situations, and next to them I wrote the opposite. For me, that meant those things must be the sane ones! Then I went over the list with someone else I trusted in the program , and she helped me modify it just a bit. From that list I had something to strive for - peace, serenity, sanity in my life and in my thoughs and in my behaviors.
These are just a few examples of how I worked Step Two. I'm sure others will be along to share their experiences as well.
There was a time in my life that this was all I could think about, all I talked about: The latest episode in our never-ending drama. It was the first thing I thought about when I woke up, the thing that followed me everywhere during the day and motivated my actions, my only topic of conversation with close friends, my last thought before I went to sleep and most often was the subject of my dreams. It still amazes me today how much POWER I gave to our sad and crazy situation.
How has my thinking become distorted trying to handle the alcoholic behavior?
For example, in the midst of the madness, my father was dying and lived 700 miles away. This was before PC's and instant messaging and cell phones... I realized I was powerless over his health and his impending death. I decided that what I could do was to call him whenever I was thinking about him or had something I wanted to talk to him about, a joke to tell that I knew he would enjoy, a book to discuss that maybe he'd like to read. Sometimes I called him more than once a day! When he died, I knew in my heart that I had done all I could do, and I was at peace with that.
I also had to let go of my A's relationship with his children. (my stepkids). I quit trying to be a peace maker, and I quit trying to make everyone behave and be perfect so that we didn't upset the A and bring on yet another RAGE of anger. That was the day I quit walking on egg shells. He was going to do what he did, regardless of what WE did.
As for insanity vs sanity? I made a list there as well. Since I really didn't know what sanity looked like, I made a list of the crazy behaviors and bizarre thoughts and situations, and next to them I wrote the opposite. For me, that meant those things must be the sane ones! Then I went over the list with someone else I trusted in the program , and she helped me modify it just a bit. From that list I had something to strive for - peace, serenity, sanity in my life and in my thoughs and in my behaviors.
These are just a few examples of how I worked Step Two. I'm sure others will be along to share their experiences as well.
Dancing To My Own Beat
Join Date: Oct 2003
Location: I don't know what kind of state I'm in
Posts: 1,326
Thanks for this Barb. I was an agnostic when I came to the program. An agnostic is someone who believes there is a power greater than themself in the universe, but doesn't have a contact with it, and doesn't practice a belief in it.
The powers in my life was me. I was trying to control everything around me. I thought that I could make life what I wanted, by picking the right people, or changing the people in my life. I didn't realize that I was trying to play God. I just wanted things a certain way. I wanted to right the perceived wrongs, fix what I thought was broke.
If that way had worked, I wouldn't be here. I had to try something else. What I was doing was making me depressed, frustrated, lonely, and angry. The steps were a last resort.
I also had to realize that not everyone needs the steps. For 20 years I was around the program, and didn't "need" them. But when I did, and I worked them, they worked for me. Up to that point, I couldn't surrender my will to anyone. Only life, and my own pain could bring me to that point.
Surrendering my beliefs and way of life to something intangible was not an easy thing, but I could see it working for others. People who were following this path, and finding a contact with a Higher Power were getting better. They were moving from a place of pain, a feeling of uselessness, to a place of happiness, freedom, and strength. I decided it was worth a try. What did I have to lose?
That was my step 2 decision. That it was working for others, and that was proof enough that it might work for me. That small miniscule bit of willingness has paid off emensely. I have found a new freedom, and a new happiness. I have found wholeness and healing. I can love without losing myself.
The steps are a personal choice. When we reach a place where nothing else works, what have we got to lose by trying them? No one can explain to someone who hasn't tried them how it works. The chapter in the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous called "We Agnostics" helped me to understand that we can't know until we try. We can sit on the sidelines and try to figure it out. We can't. What happens when we begin to work the steps is very intangible, but very real to the inner person we are. The inner person is the one who experiences everything through emotions. That's the one who feels like a victim, a martyr, a fixer, an outsider. That is the person that the steps touch. It changes that inner person the way Extreme Makeovers changes the outside of people.
As far as insanity, I relate it to the mental obsessions that I have. The things that I worry over. I couldn't stop myself from worrying, resenting, obsessing over the alcoholic. I couldn't function because of that obsession. I couldn't make rational decisions. It got so bad that I was isolated from everyone, my friends and family. That was what I needed a Power greater than myself for. At first, it was my group. As I began to work the steps, I found it was my sponsor. Then, as I had a spiritual awakening, I found the God that lived inside my heart.
That's my experience. Words seem very inadequate to describe it, and yet that is all we have to share. So I just tell people to try it for themself. Hugs, Magic
The powers in my life was me. I was trying to control everything around me. I thought that I could make life what I wanted, by picking the right people, or changing the people in my life. I didn't realize that I was trying to play God. I just wanted things a certain way. I wanted to right the perceived wrongs, fix what I thought was broke.
If that way had worked, I wouldn't be here. I had to try something else. What I was doing was making me depressed, frustrated, lonely, and angry. The steps were a last resort.
I also had to realize that not everyone needs the steps. For 20 years I was around the program, and didn't "need" them. But when I did, and I worked them, they worked for me. Up to that point, I couldn't surrender my will to anyone. Only life, and my own pain could bring me to that point.
Surrendering my beliefs and way of life to something intangible was not an easy thing, but I could see it working for others. People who were following this path, and finding a contact with a Higher Power were getting better. They were moving from a place of pain, a feeling of uselessness, to a place of happiness, freedom, and strength. I decided it was worth a try. What did I have to lose?
That was my step 2 decision. That it was working for others, and that was proof enough that it might work for me. That small miniscule bit of willingness has paid off emensely. I have found a new freedom, and a new happiness. I have found wholeness and healing. I can love without losing myself.
The steps are a personal choice. When we reach a place where nothing else works, what have we got to lose by trying them? No one can explain to someone who hasn't tried them how it works. The chapter in the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous called "We Agnostics" helped me to understand that we can't know until we try. We can sit on the sidelines and try to figure it out. We can't. What happens when we begin to work the steps is very intangible, but very real to the inner person we are. The inner person is the one who experiences everything through emotions. That's the one who feels like a victim, a martyr, a fixer, an outsider. That is the person that the steps touch. It changes that inner person the way Extreme Makeovers changes the outside of people.
As far as insanity, I relate it to the mental obsessions that I have. The things that I worry over. I couldn't stop myself from worrying, resenting, obsessing over the alcoholic. I couldn't function because of that obsession. I couldn't make rational decisions. It got so bad that I was isolated from everyone, my friends and family. That was what I needed a Power greater than myself for. At first, it was my group. As I began to work the steps, I found it was my sponsor. Then, as I had a spiritual awakening, I found the God that lived inside my heart.
That's my experience. Words seem very inadequate to describe it, and yet that is all we have to share. So I just tell people to try it for themself. Hugs, Magic
No More Mrs. Nice Guy
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: Iowa
Posts: 724
Thanks Magic.
My "AHA" moment came when I was at the grocery store. The poor kid checking out my groceries asked me "Paper or Plastic, Ma'am?" I burst into tears and screamed, "Dammit you decide. I CANNOT make another decision."
True story. And that was the turning point, the beginning of my dedication to my recovery program.
(I often wonder if he's still working at a grocery store, or if he was inspired to find another line of work....)
My "AHA" moment came when I was at the grocery store. The poor kid checking out my groceries asked me "Paper or Plastic, Ma'am?" I burst into tears and screamed, "Dammit you decide. I CANNOT make another decision."
True story. And that was the turning point, the beginning of my dedication to my recovery program.
(I often wonder if he's still working at a grocery store, or if he was inspired to find another line of work....)
Queen of one liners
Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: walking beside you! Not in front of you.
Posts: 658
I have done all the things already mentioned above. Somehow it's funny how my anger and frustrations were taking out on grocery clerks who have nothing to do with my problems. I do a living amends to all of them today.
I had always been religious. I spent summers working while living with an uncle , his family and church was a had to 9 times a week. I thought I knew what a H.P. was , and there was no way he listened to me. If prayer alone was enough, if faith alone was enough, I don't think I'd be in Al-Anon or here at SR. I decided I just wasn't good enough, deserving enough, smart enough to have a relationship with him. He would never listen to me.
My first spiritual awaking came one beautiful sunny morning, our son was watching cartoons, the birds and I were singing, I had such a happy feeling in my heart and soul. I even looked in the bathroom mirror thinking you surely do look happy.
Then my spouse got up, growling, snarling, and having a terrible day ( all of this BEFORE he started drinking). Within 5 minutes my stomach was in a knot, the corners of my mouth were turned down, and it was as if a dark cloud covered my whole being.
I again looked in a mirror and asked myself "Where did you go?"
With in a matter of minutes I had one more time given my reality away without even knowing it. I decided that YES! I was the insane one. YES, I was the problem. I knew then I must get help before I did something totally harmful to myself. My doctor sent me to therapy, My therapist sent me to Al-Anon and that was 19 years ago this month. I have been coming back ever since no less than once a week..
I have a new friend called my H.P. who I have surrendered my entire life to. He has the whole map of my life and all I need to do is LIVE this one day. I still pray and mediate daily but it is far different today than ever before. I don't have to have the answers to anything today. All I need do is accept life on life's terms, do the best I can and leave the results up to him.
Little did I know way back then that the day would come that drinking on a daily bases would again inter my life. My H.P. was doing for me ahead of time what I could not even think was possible then. Today my most insane behavior is when I give anyone that much control over me and my reality.
To anyone who doesn't believe their life can become unmanageable should spend a week at my house. Without becoming willing to change MY behavior and THINKING I can become totally insane in an instant.
I was given a set of tools while growing up with the family disease of alcoholism that didn't work for me as an adult. Al-Anon meetings, working the steps with my sponsor, and being willing to look at my part has given me a new life One Day At A Time.
Thank you osier, this series of threads are a daily reminder of what I was, what I became, and where I need to go today to become the person I and my H.P. want me to be.
Hugs
I had always been religious. I spent summers working while living with an uncle , his family and church was a had to 9 times a week. I thought I knew what a H.P. was , and there was no way he listened to me. If prayer alone was enough, if faith alone was enough, I don't think I'd be in Al-Anon or here at SR. I decided I just wasn't good enough, deserving enough, smart enough to have a relationship with him. He would never listen to me.
My first spiritual awaking came one beautiful sunny morning, our son was watching cartoons, the birds and I were singing, I had such a happy feeling in my heart and soul. I even looked in the bathroom mirror thinking you surely do look happy.
Then my spouse got up, growling, snarling, and having a terrible day ( all of this BEFORE he started drinking). Within 5 minutes my stomach was in a knot, the corners of my mouth were turned down, and it was as if a dark cloud covered my whole being.
I again looked in a mirror and asked myself "Where did you go?"
With in a matter of minutes I had one more time given my reality away without even knowing it. I decided that YES! I was the insane one. YES, I was the problem. I knew then I must get help before I did something totally harmful to myself. My doctor sent me to therapy, My therapist sent me to Al-Anon and that was 19 years ago this month. I have been coming back ever since no less than once a week..
I have a new friend called my H.P. who I have surrendered my entire life to. He has the whole map of my life and all I need to do is LIVE this one day. I still pray and mediate daily but it is far different today than ever before. I don't have to have the answers to anything today. All I need do is accept life on life's terms, do the best I can and leave the results up to him.
Little did I know way back then that the day would come that drinking on a daily bases would again inter my life. My H.P. was doing for me ahead of time what I could not even think was possible then. Today my most insane behavior is when I give anyone that much control over me and my reality.
To anyone who doesn't believe their life can become unmanageable should spend a week at my house. Without becoming willing to change MY behavior and THINKING I can become totally insane in an instant.
I was given a set of tools while growing up with the family disease of alcoholism that didn't work for me as an adult. Al-Anon meetings, working the steps with my sponsor, and being willing to look at my part has given me a new life One Day At A Time.
Thank you osier, this series of threads are a daily reminder of what I was, what I became, and where I need to go today to become the person I and my H.P. want me to be.
Hugs
the girl can't help it
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: splendraville
Posts: 5,599
I am very fortunate that I did not have a veiw of negative religious experience growing up. God as I understand has always been loving,merciful,forgiving, and as I got older God became more humorus. This was a step that I took in with ease. It put me in my place. Following the activities of the sick folks in my life made me think I was the only sane one. Me and God have had a few good laughs on that one. Before I started going to alanon a homeless man came up to me and wanted to give me the money that he had been collecting cause it was obvious to him that I neded it more than him.... My HP informed me that he had to do something to shock me and it did. My HP said that He enjoyed very much being a homeless man and shocking me...
No More Mrs. Nice Guy
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: Iowa
Posts: 724
Here are a few Step 2 readings from Courage to Change, One Day at a Time in Al Anon
January 17
Anyone who watched my interactions with the alcoholics in my life probably would have considered me the crazy one. I was the one who searched from bar to bar, made scenes in public places, and got hysterical over little things. I was also the one who agonized over the alcoholic’s behavior, lied, made apologies and excuses, and resented everything I was doing. Was this sane?
Al-Anon was the first place where I ever thought to question my own sanity. I found that I couldn’t overcome the effects of this disease by force of will or reason. As they say, my best thinking got me here. But Al-Anon’s Second Step suggested that a Higher Power could restore me to sanity.
I knew that I felt more rational in an Al-Anon meeting than I did at any other time, and so I turned for help to the Power that seemed to flow through those meetings. From time to time I still have my irrational moments, but I no longer blame my erratic behavior on anyone else. i now know exactly where to turn when I am ready to find sanity once more.
Today’s Reminder
Today I will focus on my own behavior. If it could stand some improvement, I will ask a Power greater than myself for help.
“If we do not change our direction, we are likely to end up where we are headed.”
Ancient Chinese proverb
========
June 4
The Second Step is about possibility, about hope. With this Step, we come to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity. We are asked to open our minds to the possibility that help is available. Perhaps there is a source of assistance that can do for us what we have been unable to do for ourselves. We don’t have to believe it will happen, only that it could.
This little bit of hope, this ***** in the armor of despair, is enough to show that we are willing to move in the direction of healing. Once we recognize that the possibility of help exists, it seems worthwhile to explore a relationship with a Higher Power. A little willingness can go a long way toward making hope and faith an ongoing part of our lives. In the hands of a Higher Power, sanity and serenity become realistic hopes.
Today’s Reminder
Our literature speaks of the possibility of finding contentment and even happiness through recovery in Al-Anon. Today I will take the Second Step in that process and open my mind to hope.
“Finding inner strength is looking beyond the visible and focusing life’s search on the unseen.”
As We Understood
January 17
Anyone who watched my interactions with the alcoholics in my life probably would have considered me the crazy one. I was the one who searched from bar to bar, made scenes in public places, and got hysterical over little things. I was also the one who agonized over the alcoholic’s behavior, lied, made apologies and excuses, and resented everything I was doing. Was this sane?
Al-Anon was the first place where I ever thought to question my own sanity. I found that I couldn’t overcome the effects of this disease by force of will or reason. As they say, my best thinking got me here. But Al-Anon’s Second Step suggested that a Higher Power could restore me to sanity.
I knew that I felt more rational in an Al-Anon meeting than I did at any other time, and so I turned for help to the Power that seemed to flow through those meetings. From time to time I still have my irrational moments, but I no longer blame my erratic behavior on anyone else. i now know exactly where to turn when I am ready to find sanity once more.
Today’s Reminder
Today I will focus on my own behavior. If it could stand some improvement, I will ask a Power greater than myself for help.
“If we do not change our direction, we are likely to end up where we are headed.”
Ancient Chinese proverb
========
June 4
The Second Step is about possibility, about hope. With this Step, we come to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity. We are asked to open our minds to the possibility that help is available. Perhaps there is a source of assistance that can do for us what we have been unable to do for ourselves. We don’t have to believe it will happen, only that it could.
This little bit of hope, this ***** in the armor of despair, is enough to show that we are willing to move in the direction of healing. Once we recognize that the possibility of help exists, it seems worthwhile to explore a relationship with a Higher Power. A little willingness can go a long way toward making hope and faith an ongoing part of our lives. In the hands of a Higher Power, sanity and serenity become realistic hopes.
Today’s Reminder
Our literature speaks of the possibility of finding contentment and even happiness through recovery in Al-Anon. Today I will take the Second Step in that process and open my mind to hope.
“Finding inner strength is looking beyond the visible and focusing life’s search on the unseen.”
As We Understood
No More Mrs. Nice Guy
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: Iowa
Posts: 724
God of My Understanding
Much of our recovery depends on surrendering to the god of our understanding. It is often called our Higher Power, a Power Greater than ourselves, God as we understood Him. Whatever we call it, it's the idea that there is something out there in charge of the universe at large that is in control of those things that we are NOT in control of. No matter what we do, we cannot make the rain begin or end, the sun rise or set, or another person behave in a manner that is always acceptable to us.
Many of us have had difficulty with this concept. Some- as I did- grew up with a punishing, score keeping, powerful God. Others have had a very bad experience with organized religion. It is important to understand that Al Anon has no opinion on religion. It only suggests that we each find a power greater than ourselves, our own personal Higher Power. Some people use the group or program itself as the Higher Power... others tend to "fake it til they make it".
Courage to Change, One Day at a Time in Al Anon January 13
Al Anon gives me great spiritual freedom because it encourages me to find a personal understanding of God, and to allow others the same freedom. Until I could think of God in terms that were meaningful to me, I was not able to truly turn my life over to a Higher Power.
My concept of God evolves. It changes and grows as I continue to change and grow. How wonderful it is, for now I sense a Higher Power that is as alive as I am! Never in my life did I dream of finding such a source of serenity, courage, and wisdom.
There is a sense of unique purpose to my journey through life. I am the only one who can live it, and I need the help of the God of my understanding in order to live it fully. Grounded in faith, I can hold tight to my course and meet the future with confidence.
Today’s reminder:
Once upon a time I was afraid to live life for myself. This was because I did not know how to do it and thought that there was no one to show me. Now I have a resource deep within me to guide me along life’s many roads. I am not alone on my journey.
“In the midst of winter, I finally learned that there was in me an invincible summer.” Albert Camus
============================
Courage to Change ODAT in Al-Anon II 4/26
The most important words any of us hear when we first come to Al-Anon are, “Take what you like, and leave the rest.” Everything about our program is suggested, not required. This gives us the freedom to pick and choose. If we disagree with something, we don’t have to use it. If we are not ready to use a Step, slogan, or tool, we are free to wait.
Many of us need time to come to terms with the spiritual nature of the Al-Anon program. If were required to believe in a Higher Power in order to participate in Al-Anon, we might never have continued to attend meetings. Eventually, many of us do come to believe in a Higher Power because we are free to come to our own understanding in our time. That way, whatever we learn will have meaning for us.
When we take what we like and leave the rest, we give ourselves permission to challenge new ideas, to make decisions for ourselves, and even to change our minds.
Today’s Reminder
Because I am able to use whatever I find helpful and leave the rest, I can benefit from the experience, strength, and hope of others and still follow my own heart.
“With the help of this program and my Higher Power, I take charge of fashioning, shaping, choosing what kind of life I will have.”…In All Our Affairs
Much of our recovery depends on surrendering to the god of our understanding. It is often called our Higher Power, a Power Greater than ourselves, God as we understood Him. Whatever we call it, it's the idea that there is something out there in charge of the universe at large that is in control of those things that we are NOT in control of. No matter what we do, we cannot make the rain begin or end, the sun rise or set, or another person behave in a manner that is always acceptable to us.
Many of us have had difficulty with this concept. Some- as I did- grew up with a punishing, score keeping, powerful God. Others have had a very bad experience with organized religion. It is important to understand that Al Anon has no opinion on religion. It only suggests that we each find a power greater than ourselves, our own personal Higher Power. Some people use the group or program itself as the Higher Power... others tend to "fake it til they make it".
Courage to Change, One Day at a Time in Al Anon January 13
Al Anon gives me great spiritual freedom because it encourages me to find a personal understanding of God, and to allow others the same freedom. Until I could think of God in terms that were meaningful to me, I was not able to truly turn my life over to a Higher Power.
My concept of God evolves. It changes and grows as I continue to change and grow. How wonderful it is, for now I sense a Higher Power that is as alive as I am! Never in my life did I dream of finding such a source of serenity, courage, and wisdom.
There is a sense of unique purpose to my journey through life. I am the only one who can live it, and I need the help of the God of my understanding in order to live it fully. Grounded in faith, I can hold tight to my course and meet the future with confidence.
Today’s reminder:
Once upon a time I was afraid to live life for myself. This was because I did not know how to do it and thought that there was no one to show me. Now I have a resource deep within me to guide me along life’s many roads. I am not alone on my journey.
“In the midst of winter, I finally learned that there was in me an invincible summer.” Albert Camus
============================
Courage to Change ODAT in Al-Anon II 4/26
The most important words any of us hear when we first come to Al-Anon are, “Take what you like, and leave the rest.” Everything about our program is suggested, not required. This gives us the freedom to pick and choose. If we disagree with something, we don’t have to use it. If we are not ready to use a Step, slogan, or tool, we are free to wait.
Many of us need time to come to terms with the spiritual nature of the Al-Anon program. If were required to believe in a Higher Power in order to participate in Al-Anon, we might never have continued to attend meetings. Eventually, many of us do come to believe in a Higher Power because we are free to come to our own understanding in our time. That way, whatever we learn will have meaning for us.
When we take what we like and leave the rest, we give ourselves permission to challenge new ideas, to make decisions for ourselves, and even to change our minds.
Today’s Reminder
Because I am able to use whatever I find helpful and leave the rest, I can benefit from the experience, strength, and hope of others and still follow my own heart.
“With the help of this program and my Higher Power, I take charge of fashioning, shaping, choosing what kind of life I will have.”…In All Our Affairs
Member
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: Near the edge of reality
Posts: 36
Thank you for this series. I am getting so much more out of these steps than I ever have before. I too can relate to everyone's insanity. Of course I didn't see it at the time. I had grown up with a belief in a loving and caring God, but somewhere along the way I must have put him in a closet. I forgot he was there. Step 2 reminded me that he is. I've also been reading some books by Wayne Dyer. He suggests that no matter how bad I make myself feel, I can't take the tiniest bit of pain away from someone else. So I might as well feel good. I still have to remind myself of that all the time, but I'm getting much better at not internalizing every one else's pain.
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