Thank you all for being here!
once in a . . .
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2004
Location: looking in / looking out
Posts: 1,214
Thank you all for being here!
Funny how getting myself back into a Recovery frame of mind these last few days has helped - who'd a'thought?!
(ok ok, I am working on it!)
Have gotten in the habit of being online when my brother Mike gets home from work (a state away)
We email back and forth - til 3am. Mostly just silly/goofy stuff but lately, I've just been slipping in little comments. Sometimes he replies to them, sometimes he doesn't.
I come here and read posts in between *chimes* that I've got new mail from him. It's helping to keep me grounded. Helps keep the panic attacks in check.
I wonder + wonder if I'm not doing the same thing that brother Pat and mom are doing???
No! I'm NOT!
At least I don't think I am.
I THINK I'm '12-stepping' him.
I don't really expect him to listen to me. I sincerely don't.
I don't think he's ready. I don't think he's lost enough yet. I don't think he hurts enough yet.
And I didn't even cry when I wrote that!
Tho the conversation I'm having with him with I write *this* may force me to go take a vomit-break.
I'm trying - no - TRYING to not judge him, trying not to be angry at and fearful for him. Trying to be understanding.
It's alot easier to do via email than face to face. He gets a nice calm reply. He gets a silly-ass quip.
Have been telling him I love him, that I'm worried. But just simple statements like that. I told him that I won't ever judge him. I told him that I thought going to treatment might be a good idea and I gave him the NA contact # in his town. I just wanted to plant the seed.
Problem is, Mike is *SMART* - we're talkin' genius-level IQ. Add that to the arrogance that addicts have - - - (sigh)
Our mom is scared to death that he's gonna go to prison.
I'm glad that she's on the phone, long-distance. She can't see me laugh at that. I'm scared to death he's gonna die, prison just doesn't seem that scary.
I fantasize turning him in.
(there! I said it 'out loud'!)
I want to send my baby brother to prison.
He hasn't replied back for some time now - my last email either really p'd him off or he's down in his lab stirring the goodies.
Dammit! I've been in recovery (al-anon, AA, NA, you name it) for 13 yrs. I have lost too many people to the disease of addiction. I would rather have him in prison than dead.
By thinking about contacting "The Authorities", I'm trying to control him and the situation the same as Pat + mom are. Aren't I?
I don't know.
I don't know.
I don't know.
I think I have to get off-line (quit waiting for him to reply), go find a nice recovery book to read, go nite-nite and SAY MY PRAYERS. (and put it in HP's hands cuz HP's hands are bigger + stronger than mine!)
Thank You for being here!
Blue
(ok ok, I am working on it!)
Have gotten in the habit of being online when my brother Mike gets home from work (a state away)
We email back and forth - til 3am. Mostly just silly/goofy stuff but lately, I've just been slipping in little comments. Sometimes he replies to them, sometimes he doesn't.
I come here and read posts in between *chimes* that I've got new mail from him. It's helping to keep me grounded. Helps keep the panic attacks in check.
I wonder + wonder if I'm not doing the same thing that brother Pat and mom are doing???
No! I'm NOT!
At least I don't think I am.
I THINK I'm '12-stepping' him.
I don't really expect him to listen to me. I sincerely don't.
I don't think he's ready. I don't think he's lost enough yet. I don't think he hurts enough yet.
And I didn't even cry when I wrote that!
Tho the conversation I'm having with him with I write *this* may force me to go take a vomit-break.
I'm trying - no - TRYING to not judge him, trying not to be angry at and fearful for him. Trying to be understanding.
It's alot easier to do via email than face to face. He gets a nice calm reply. He gets a silly-ass quip.
Have been telling him I love him, that I'm worried. But just simple statements like that. I told him that I won't ever judge him. I told him that I thought going to treatment might be a good idea and I gave him the NA contact # in his town. I just wanted to plant the seed.
Problem is, Mike is *SMART* - we're talkin' genius-level IQ. Add that to the arrogance that addicts have - - - (sigh)
Our mom is scared to death that he's gonna go to prison.
I'm glad that she's on the phone, long-distance. She can't see me laugh at that. I'm scared to death he's gonna die, prison just doesn't seem that scary.
I fantasize turning him in.
(there! I said it 'out loud'!)
I want to send my baby brother to prison.
He hasn't replied back for some time now - my last email either really p'd him off or he's down in his lab stirring the goodies.
Dammit! I've been in recovery (al-anon, AA, NA, you name it) for 13 yrs. I have lost too many people to the disease of addiction. I would rather have him in prison than dead.
By thinking about contacting "The Authorities", I'm trying to control him and the situation the same as Pat + mom are. Aren't I?
I don't know.
I don't know.
I don't know.
I think I have to get off-line (quit waiting for him to reply), go find a nice recovery book to read, go nite-nite and SAY MY PRAYERS. (and put it in HP's hands cuz HP's hands are bigger + stronger than mine!)
Thank You for being here!
Blue
Don't get undies in a bunch
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: South Shore MA
Posts: 7,120
Originally Posted by BlueMoon
go nite-nite and SAY MY PRAYERS. (and put it in HP's hands cuz HP's hands are bigger + stronger than mine!)
Rest well knowing who is in control and who has the big hands.
I think you have done what needed be done. Gave him the info.
It is up to him what he does with the info you gave.
From this point, we just need keep praying. That is the best we can do all the time.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: San Francisco, CA
Posts: 491
I cant agree more BlueMoon!
This forum has been a life saver, it has brought sanity to my life and great strength, it, along with al-anon has changed my life so much that I now am grateful I had the opportunity to go through the abuse with an alcoholics. Because else I never wouldve understood this side of the world, and I am amazed by how amazingly deep people who deal with these diseases are able to see and understand humans in general.
Its been very well worth the experience, and I cant tell you how my life has changed and come back to sanity and the things I've learned has been an amazing life changing experience!
My friends have already noticed the changes, I'm not even trying to impress anyone! Just people cant help notice the voice changes, energy, happiness...
Thank you for this forum, I hope everyone finds peace from their HP. For me, its destiny, or life, or the gods... whatever you want to call it, watching over everyone. Thanks for your prayers, I believe they have been heard for some reason, I just feel it.
Thank you all.
This forum has been a life saver, it has brought sanity to my life and great strength, it, along with al-anon has changed my life so much that I now am grateful I had the opportunity to go through the abuse with an alcoholics. Because else I never wouldve understood this side of the world, and I am amazed by how amazingly deep people who deal with these diseases are able to see and understand humans in general.
Its been very well worth the experience, and I cant tell you how my life has changed and come back to sanity and the things I've learned has been an amazing life changing experience!
My friends have already noticed the changes, I'm not even trying to impress anyone! Just people cant help notice the voice changes, energy, happiness...
Thank you for this forum, I hope everyone finds peace from their HP. For me, its destiny, or life, or the gods... whatever you want to call it, watching over everyone. Thanks for your prayers, I believe they have been heard for some reason, I just feel it.
Thank you all.
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