angelgirl

Hi all. It has been a day, a real bad day. I am 16 days clean, and I know that may sound very early, but it feels like a long time to me. Today had to be the worst day I have had yet... I had SUCH horrible cravings today, I really thought I would kill someone!!! That is such a bad feeling. Tonight I just feel like a part of me is dead, and I am only going through the motions of living. I am going to meetings, as well as intensive outpatient treatment. I have done this before, been here before, but would eventually give in to the w/d's. I have no intention of doing that this time, I am in for the long haul. But I feel like I am dragging myself through each day, dealing with these damn withdrawls everyday, and they really seem to be getting worse instead of better, although I think I am becoming more depressed, and that is not helping. Tonight I talked with someone, watched funny TV shows that I really like, but they really didn't seem to help. I feel liek I just needed to ride it out, and that sucked!! I don't mean to sound so down, I just don't feel I am living at all, just dragging. I ate like a pig tonight, I just could not stop. I was not craving sugar, just wanted to eat, and eat, I know it was compulsive behavior, but then I figured it was better to eat like a pig than to use. I just really, really NEED some hope here, please tell me you all remember this, and it gets better, even when it doesn't feel like it will. Thanks very much for any words, I really need them right now, I am living for today, but I know AI have to go to sleep, and I know tomorrow may be the same as today. Please help me. Thanks again, Luv, Becky

mackcat

becky
you can do this.
i have done it.
you are worth it.
i have realized that i am worth it.
turned out it was a small price to pay to get a big life.
hugs
mackat

angelgirl

Thanks Mackcat, I really needed to hear that again tonight from others. It all helps, I know I can do this, I just want to feel a bit better. I have been high for sooo long I forgot how to live.... I don't know how anymore, I lost me!! My drug/alcohol counselor told me last week that I am not me anymore, I have changed so much, and she wasn't talking positive... That hurt, I know we change along the way.. But I don;t know how to be. Like I said I am so confused, I feel like I am dragging through the days, just to get by. I want to be happy. That's all we ever wanted, all of us. We just couldn't deal with life, I understand that. Oh I am rambling, but it is what I need to do right now. Thanks for listening, luv you all, Becky

Cathy31

Angelgirl
I am also early in my recovery but I can PROMISE you that it gets SO MUCH better...you are probably going through the worst now...you are SO worth it...and as Mackat said you're getting ready for a BIG life!!! It's so awesome what you 're doing - and that you are going about it such a way that is going to HELP you to succeed...MEETINGS as well as intensive outpatiend. You CAN do it, and this is just a dip..even if it lasts a few days/weeks you will get through the other side and wow, it's just going to be unbelievable the life that you are going to lead - contentment, peace, serenity, service, happiness, self worth. You are worth it.
Cathy31
x

BubbaBob

Hi Becky...hope you are feeling a bit better today, but even if you aren't yet, as others have said it IS worth it.

I don't know where you are spiritually, but, at least for me, there are a couple of things that help when I get the urge:

I truly believe that God doesn't put ANYTHING on us we cannot handle with His help. There may (are) things we don't want to handle, but nothing we can't handle.

I remind myself that I don't have to go looking for God. He is not lost...He is ALWAYS right there beside me, ready, willing, and wanting to help...but He is not pushy...he'll help at the drop of a hat, but I have to ask. Not beg, not barter, not play "Let's Make a Deal"...just simply, humbly, sincerely ask. If I have my hands in my pockets, being willful, trying to do things my way, He won't grab my hands and force me to accept help, but if I just hold out my hand and ask Him to hold it and help me, He ALWAYS has and always will. I don't promise that...He does.

BubbaBob