JessicaNAJ

Let's see....he got a second job. Only had one hour of sleep for two days and STILL worked both jobs. Came over this morning to get the kids (he knows how much I don't like dragging the kids around and having to get in and out of the rain when I'm dressed for work). He -shocker here- gave me money (so it was only $15 but that's more than he's given us in months). He came over tonight and cleaned the litter box. AND he brought food.

I'm just shocked that he's been doing so much. It really seems like he is trying. I thanked him ... only once this time lol. and told him that I appreciated his help.

About this morning. I did call him (which I usually don't do) because I was running late, it was raining and street lights were out (I was panicing b/c I didn't think I could make it to work on time). I knew he got off around 7 a.m. The only thing I said to him was, "Are you off work?" He responded by saying, "Yes. I'm going to come get the kids." Then I explained to him about me running late.

He gave me the money when I went to get money from the sitter. He only had 20's and he owed her $65. I asked him what he wanted me to do with the extra $15, he said keep it.

The litter box thing, when I was getting the money to pay the sitter, I kinda really hinted around that I didn't want to do it but it had to be done. I honestly didn't expect him to offer to do it for me.

I guess my question to all of you wise wonderful people is this, am I being blind again b/c I want to believe he is changing, or is it possible that he really is making an effort to be there for us?

wraybear

geez, i may be in la la land, but these are the kinds of things I dream my AH would start doing. Isn't it funny, I dream he would offer me a little money, I dream he would unload the dishwasher or pick up some toys, I dream he would be available for his kiddos. Sounds to me like he is really trying to make amends. Remember, actions speak louder than words, and looks like he is doing some action.

I would be cautiously optimistic!

PS, Now, I will let the wise wonderful people you mentioned respond...

PS, My AH stood us up tonight. He was supposed to see his kiddos for the first time in a month... no show. So sad.

JT

Jess...could it be that in your own growth in recovery that you are noticing the positive a little more than the negative?

Nah...it must be all him!!

Enjoy the good things life offers..
Hugs,
JT

myselfagain

Just dont let yourself get sucked into anything.

CodeMaster

Give it more time... be careful, I can only imagine your life through your story, I have a pleasant picture, despite your struggles, I visualize your loving heart and that alone makes me smile, even if a little smile...

Take care.

minnie

Jess

Just remember the difference between "givens" and the truly good stuff. We don't have to hold As to different standards than we would a non-A.

JessicaNAJ

Thank you all for your support. I will give it more time. That was only one day. I'm still being cautious b/c I fear this will only last a short time.

JT - Maybe I am recognizing more because I've (trying to anyway) let go of expectations. I realize I have to work on that with more people than just my AH. Not every one is as good as me lol (just kidding).

Wray - Actions do speak louder than words....but I can't help but to think those actions wouldn't have occurred if I wouldn't have said anything. But then again, if I don't say anything, how would he know what I'm thinking.

Myselfagain - I will come here whenever I feel like I'm being sucked back in. I think our instinct are more powerful then our mind or our heart. And I will do my best to follow them.

CodeMaster - thank you for your sweet words. I will definately give it more time. The old me would have jumped at the first sign of change. I'm just too guarded now. I don't want to be hurting again like I was a year ago.

Minnie, you are right, and I won't hold his standards different. I can only react to what my heart feels. I was pretty shocked at his actions yesterday. Of course, I didn't let him know that. I don't want to over react, ya know.

It's kinda of sad, I really don't feel physical attraction to him. Only time will tell, if he re-ignites that spark (which I honestly don't know if it was ever there). I'm still wondering if he really is the man for me. Seems I've only made myself believe he was because he was my first. .....hmmm.... just something to ponder, I guess.

This is just another test to see where I'm at in my recovery. I will take the good and wait to see what else may come.

StandingStrong

You already know how this rollercoaster rides work! And you already know that it's way to early to be getting your hopes up that this is going to stay this good. But I think you are WANTING to believe it - and that's normal to want to have that hope.
I always had a saying for my AH and one that he never denied! I always said "Good intention, Bad result". When my AH made me promises, he had the best intention at the time to follow through. When he said the words I wanted to hear, it was said with the best of intentions to carry through on them. When he did kind deeds in the "honeymoon phase", it was with the intention that he'd carry those through as well. The results however, were always the same. Right back to where we started, thus starting through the vicious cycle again.
Your AH may have the best of intentions every time. These actions you are seeing may be a good intention. However, it takes time to see if he can actually carry them through.
I wish you happiness Jessica - but don't stop focusing on you. He may be a part of your life - but you are the one that has to live and live happily!

Beautiful

Trust is earned. E-A-R-N-E-D. Two times isn't enough to let down your guard. Two HUNDRED times is when I would let the first layer go.

JessicaNAJ

Thank you SS - you're right, I am wanting (whether that be with him or someone else, I want a full time companion...sigh Oh Well ). That is why I turn to SR. Because I just know this cycle will start up again. Call it a gut feeling.

Beautiful - two times isn't enough. Guess I got a little ahead of myself. But thanks to everyone here and everything I've learn, I didn't over show my appreciation. And I wasn't too surprised when he didn't come over earlier to get the kids (like he said he would). Creature of habit.

This is about me and what I need to do to protect myself and my kids. That includes protecting my heart and my emotions. This is pretty strong wall I've built, but it's got some cracks in it and if it's hit in the right place, it could very well come crumbling down.