A Little About Myself
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: west sussex, uk
Posts: 60
A Little About Myself I came upon this site yesterday, when I woke up after a night of banging 2 g's of coke and thinking, I cant stand myself, this has got to change. I guess, what Im looking for is the chance to get all the crap off my chest, for the first time and have someone, anyone, say "I can identify with that". I don't drink, but I'll do most other things, ecstasy, kettamine, mdma, coke, speed and I smoke like theres no tomorrow. Ive smoked since I was 11 and chainsmoked since I was 17, If Im feeling down I shoplift and now I'm slowly turning into a compulsive eater. I dont work at the moment as I have a baby of 20 months, Archie, and this week I gambled all of my social security money in an online casino. Am I the most disgusting person on this site or what! I hate myself, and I know my addictive behaviours are just starting to swallow me up, but what do I do? Ive got so much crap going round in my head and it all needs to come out, but I have absolutely noone to tell. It's getting to the stage where I feel I cant live with the things Ive seen, experienced and done and my addictions are trying to numb the pain, but the pains still there whenever I come down.
My mum and dad met eachother in a mental hospital, my brother and I were born and there begins the tale. Is it any wonder Im one of lifes jokes?
My mum and dad met eachother in a mental hospital, my brother and I were born and there begins the tale. Is it any wonder Im one of lifes jokes?
Member
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: Australia
Posts: 43
(((((Littlebopeep))))))
Sounds like you're going through a pretty rough time right now. I don't really have any words of wisdom for you (but there are loads of people here who will) I just wanted to say that you can and will get through this. If you can do what you're doing right now and still cope, imagine what you'll be able to achieve clean and sober!! A 20 month old baby must be hard work!
And you're certainly not disgusting! It takes a whole lot of strength and courage to admit you need help and you've come to the right place for support and people to talk to.
My thoughts are with you,
Best Wishes
Jen
Sounds like you're going through a pretty rough time right now. I don't really have any words of wisdom for you (but there are loads of people here who will) I just wanted to say that you can and will get through this. If you can do what you're doing right now and still cope, imagine what you'll be able to achieve clean and sober!! A 20 month old baby must be hard work!
And you're certainly not disgusting! It takes a whole lot of strength and courage to admit you need help and you've come to the right place for support and people to talk to.
My thoughts are with you,
Best Wishes
Jen
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
Welcome To SR
So pleased you are here. Reaching out is a brave thing to do.
We have a Forum....Drug Addiction that might be a good place for you to check out.
Keep in touch..we are here to be of service to you.
We have a Forum....Drug Addiction that might be a good place for you to check out.
Keep in touch..we are here to be of service to you.
We all need each other.
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: The road of happy destiny.
Posts: 2,294
((((((((((((((((((Littlebopeep))))))))))))))))))
You are most certainly NOT disgusting or a joke. That is your disease talking to you. Thank you for sharing some of your story. It really takes a lot of courage to bear your soul like that. You sound like a pretty amazing lady. From my own experience, might I suggest finding some kind of f2f support group? I could not have stayed clean and sober this long without the wonderful people I have met in AA. However, there are many options out there, including NA and others.
Wishing you the best!! I am still glad you are here.
Hugs to you--
You are most certainly NOT disgusting or a joke. That is your disease talking to you. Thank you for sharing some of your story. It really takes a lot of courage to bear your soul like that. You sound like a pretty amazing lady. From my own experience, might I suggest finding some kind of f2f support group? I could not have stayed clean and sober this long without the wonderful people I have met in AA. However, there are many options out there, including NA and others.
Wishing you the best!! I am still glad you are here.
Hugs to you--
Member
Join Date: May 2003
Location: El Paso, Tx
Posts: 5,862
Hi peep and welcome!
Oh heck no your not the most disgusting! I know your at a low, remember it store it for future reference, and please stick around here. Check out or NA and Substance abuse forums, and keep coming back, you'll find a great deal of support here, which hopefully will give you the courage to find support out there. *hugs*
Oh heck no your not the most disgusting! I know your at a low, remember it store it for future reference, and please stick around here. Check out or NA and Substance abuse forums, and keep coming back, you'll find a great deal of support here, which hopefully will give you the courage to find support out there. *hugs*
Member
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: ENGLAND, UK
Posts: 30
Littlebopeep
You were right what you said in your reply to my thread. 'We are all in this together, and it looks like there are lots of friendly people here.
Keep your chin up mate.'
Remember? Best advice in the world.
Karl
You were right what you said in your reply to my thread. 'We are all in this together, and it looks like there are lots of friendly people here.
Keep your chin up mate.'
Remember? Best advice in the world.
Karl
Clean & Serene Punk Rock Mommy
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: santa barbara, CA
Posts: 23
Hey,
I can totally identify with you. I used heroin/cocaine for 17 years and I have a 5 yr. old son and 1 1/2 yr. old daughter. I got clean 131 days ago. It has been the hardest, but best thing I have ever done. Congratulations on wanting to get clean!
131 days ago I would never have imagined my life would have changed this much for the better. Life is hard, expect that. When you are first clean your emotions are so overwhelming because you aren't numbing them anymore. Hang in there, it does get better.
I guarantee if you go back to using all those things you feel bad about will only get worse. When people ask me what my bottom was I always reply "which one?". Every time I hit a bottom and didn't think it was possible for anything worse to happen, it always did.
Give recovery a fair chance. But it takes a lot of effort. Chase it the same way you chased the bag, 24/7.
Try NA. It has worked wonders in my life that I never believed possible. I used to think recovery, NA/AA, steps, sponsors were lame until I realized I was the one who was being lame.
Stay strong.
It is not necessary to change. Survival is not mandatory.
-W. Durning
I can totally identify with you. I used heroin/cocaine for 17 years and I have a 5 yr. old son and 1 1/2 yr. old daughter. I got clean 131 days ago. It has been the hardest, but best thing I have ever done. Congratulations on wanting to get clean!
131 days ago I would never have imagined my life would have changed this much for the better. Life is hard, expect that. When you are first clean your emotions are so overwhelming because you aren't numbing them anymore. Hang in there, it does get better.
I guarantee if you go back to using all those things you feel bad about will only get worse. When people ask me what my bottom was I always reply "which one?". Every time I hit a bottom and didn't think it was possible for anything worse to happen, it always did.
Give recovery a fair chance. But it takes a lot of effort. Chase it the same way you chased the bag, 24/7.
Try NA. It has worked wonders in my life that I never believed possible. I used to think recovery, NA/AA, steps, sponsors were lame until I realized I was the one who was being lame.
Stay strong.
It is not necessary to change. Survival is not mandatory.
-W. Durning
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