Kinda deep

Old 04-20-2005, 10:10 AM
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Kinda deep

My h and I came together as two very dysfunctional people, we came with a low self esteem and we are both controlling.

He was brought up in an alcoholic, verbally abusive, and physically abusive home.

I was brought up in a emotionaly abusive home, we did get spankings or the belt or stood in a corner if we were bad (I question if this is normal or not)? (I have chosen not to hit my kids, If I am hitting them as punishment, or saying to them you listen to me or clock you one, is that instilling in them when they are adults it is okay for you to use force you have to, to make someone understand what you need or what you want?)

Both of us did not have good experiences in school.

We were two very sick people clinging on to each other for all the wrong reasons. I think I liked him, because he liked me, and him liking me made me feel good, and someone liking me was a rare thing, so I chose to hang on to that for dear life, because I dont know when someone else would come along in my life and actually like me. ( I know better now, I just have not met them yet (Friends)). I do think that will come in time though, but I have to focus on me right now and really learn to like myself and in time that may come along in my life. My H, my kids and my future friends cannot be the purpose that drives me and makes me healthy, My kids will be gone one day, my friends may move away and my H who know where my H will be. Who left guys, me.

So here I am 10 years later, wondering why we have so many problems in our marriage, I guess that is the easy one to figure out (look at both our pasts). It is a very rare thing when both partners come into recovery at the same time, I wonder how many marriages actually survive. It shouldnt be a question if my marriage survives, I need to survive, I am important for my future. I need to learn that I can survive even if my marriage doesnt, because it takes two people in a marriage and I am only in control of one of those people ME!

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Old 04-20-2005, 10:15 AM
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And you will survive and strive in life. Most humans never get to a point where they believe they have a problem and seek recovery or self awareness, they may live a life long of lack of self awareness... You will already be stronger then most society out there and have all the more to offer.

Best wishes..
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Old 04-20-2005, 10:41 AM
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Dear Emily,

Focus on yourself and your recovery. It can be done. What's happened in the past is gone. No longer a part of your life. You're showing tremendous strength and wisdom. You know what you have to do and are doing it. Great!!! Keep up the good work.
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