Struggling
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: Akron, Ohio
Posts: 94
Struggling
Hey guys. I'm having kind of a rough time. I think it might be a little bit of "dry drunkeness." It seems like every couple days, I find myself thinking about drinking and completely disregarding everything I know about me being an alcoholic. I can't seem to shake the notion that "someday I will be able to drink like other people." Deep down inside, I know I CAN'T and this just frustrates me even more. So, I am trying to find things to be grateful about in sobriety, but it's hard to. I'm just having a big ol' pity party. I'm coming up on 3 months soon and I really don't want to give in. When are these stupid thoughts going to go away? It says in the Big Book that the idea that someday we will be able to control and enjoy our drinking has to be smashed. So how do you smash it?
Member
Join Date: Sep 2003
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 763
Weellll, that's hard. I have been keeping a sort of pluses and minuses journal of drinking and reading that helps to remind me what the result was every time I tried to go back to drinking.
Also there are a lot of helpful tools on the www.SMARTRecovery.org site.
Gianna
Also there are a lot of helpful tools on the www.SMARTRecovery.org site.
Gianna
Not all better, getting better
Join Date: Feb 2002
Location: The Beautiful Inner Banks of NC
Posts: 1,702
I don't know if this will help or not, but I thought I'd throw it out there. I am the type of person that if you tell me that I "can't" do something, it makes me want to do it 10 times more. I suppose it is immature behavior, but it is how I am. Instead of saying I can't drink/use, I realize that I can if I want to, I just have to accept the consequences of what happens to me if I do. Because I've tried this over and over and over again, I have a pretty good idea what will happen if I do use again. Therefore I choose not to use. For some it's just changing a little word, but for a pig headed SOB like myself, it makes a big difference. Hope this helps, if not, feel free to ignore it!! 
Peace,
Tyler
Peace,
Tyler
Member
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: London
Posts: 448
Hi Lilalkie
In my view, what you speak of is not uncommon. And some people like yourself, seem to recognise what is going on and set out, as you have, to do something about it.
I taught myself, incorrectly, that alcohol was the be all and end all. In years of frustration and confusion I convinced myself that alcohol was my only friend. That without it, life would not be worth living. I didn't realise that this was so powerful because unconsciously I believed that nothing else could make me feel ok.
All of this was not true, but the problem was deep down I had believed it for so long it amounted to a form a self-brainwashing.
I clung to my delusion that somehow I might someway return to some kind of drinking because I couldn't imagine life without alcohol. I allowed myself to believe all my own lies because the idea that I could never drink again was too awful to imagine.
Fortunately, the idea that I can't live life without alcohol has turned out to be B*lls**t. I kept myself a prisoner when I was drinking. I didn't need it to make me feel ok, I only thought I did.
If you want you can have your drink on paper. You can write down, step by step, moment by moment, an account of what happens prior and during a drink. Writing down all the thoughts and feelings at each step. The more honest and more detailed, the more you start undoing the brainwashing.
In my view, what you speak of is not uncommon. And some people like yourself, seem to recognise what is going on and set out, as you have, to do something about it.
I taught myself, incorrectly, that alcohol was the be all and end all. In years of frustration and confusion I convinced myself that alcohol was my only friend. That without it, life would not be worth living. I didn't realise that this was so powerful because unconsciously I believed that nothing else could make me feel ok.
All of this was not true, but the problem was deep down I had believed it for so long it amounted to a form a self-brainwashing.
I clung to my delusion that somehow I might someway return to some kind of drinking because I couldn't imagine life without alcohol. I allowed myself to believe all my own lies because the idea that I could never drink again was too awful to imagine.
Fortunately, the idea that I can't live life without alcohol has turned out to be B*lls**t. I kept myself a prisoner when I was drinking. I didn't need it to make me feel ok, I only thought I did.
If you want you can have your drink on paper. You can write down, step by step, moment by moment, an account of what happens prior and during a drink. Writing down all the thoughts and feelings at each step. The more honest and more detailed, the more you start undoing the brainwashing.
Knucklehead
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Davenport, WA
Posts: 4,005
Originally Posted by Andy F
If you want you can have your drink on paper. You can write down, step by step, moment by moment, an account of what happens prior and during a drink. Writing down all the thoughts and feelings at each step. The more honest and more detailed, the more you start undoing the brainwashing.
Doorknob
Member
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: California
Posts: 972
http://butt-trusted.org/flare-up.html
The term "flare up periods" or "flare ups" refer to definite time periods during which the recovering alcoholic/addict experiences an increased amount of tension and anxiety. Should he return to the use of alcohol or drugs, it will most likely be during one of these flare up periods. It is important, therefore, that the recovering alcoholic/addict, his family, his friends, his employer and anyone else who may play an important role during these periods become aware of how to recognize the onset of a flare up period and what to do when one occurs.
Flare ups occur at predictable intervals: five to six days, four to five weeks, eight to ten weeks, thirteen weeks, six months, nine months, and eleven to thirteen months after the last use of alcohol/drugs.
there's a lot more info on this site.. check it out!
Don't let your past become your future...
Peace,
Michele
The term "flare up periods" or "flare ups" refer to definite time periods during which the recovering alcoholic/addict experiences an increased amount of tension and anxiety. Should he return to the use of alcohol or drugs, it will most likely be during one of these flare up periods. It is important, therefore, that the recovering alcoholic/addict, his family, his friends, his employer and anyone else who may play an important role during these periods become aware of how to recognize the onset of a flare up period and what to do when one occurs.
Flare ups occur at predictable intervals: five to six days, four to five weeks, eight to ten weeks, thirteen weeks, six months, nine months, and eleven to thirteen months after the last use of alcohol/drugs.
there's a lot more info on this site.. check it out!
Don't let your past become your future...
Peace,
Michele
Member
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: England
Posts: 108
Hi Lil,
Dont know if this helps but its where I am today. I am heading towards my 60 days and booze crosses my mind most days I guess, the important thing is that, that is all it does .... crosses my mind , I dont respond to it. It does not bother me especially, after 20 years plus of habitual constant drinking my mind is bound to still have those thought shadows on it. I dont expect them ever to go away completely unless booze dissappears from the planet and even then I doubt it.
I see the "booze thought", smile and let it go, drinking was in another time, another place for me a different part of me, I dont go there anymore it hurt too much.
I know for sure that I can never take even one drink again for it would lead me straight back to the dark days, I dont want to spend another 20 years trying to stop again. Not drinking ever again doesent bother me today........because today is forever, it might be all I have.
I wish you loads of luck, remember...... see the thought, ......smile,..... and let it go!! You are in charge of what you think!!
Pete
Dont know if this helps but its where I am today. I am heading towards my 60 days and booze crosses my mind most days I guess, the important thing is that, that is all it does .... crosses my mind , I dont respond to it. It does not bother me especially, after 20 years plus of habitual constant drinking my mind is bound to still have those thought shadows on it. I dont expect them ever to go away completely unless booze dissappears from the planet and even then I doubt it.
I see the "booze thought", smile and let it go, drinking was in another time, another place for me a different part of me, I dont go there anymore it hurt too much.
I know for sure that I can never take even one drink again for it would lead me straight back to the dark days, I dont want to spend another 20 years trying to stop again. Not drinking ever again doesent bother me today........because today is forever, it might be all I have.
I wish you loads of luck, remember...... see the thought, ......smile,..... and let it go!! You are in charge of what you think!!
Pete
Member
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: a spiritual vortex, Colorado
Posts: 844
lil
sounds like you are doing the right thing- sharing what is going on is one of my very first lines od defence.
and then of course there is that ol zen story :
young monk: "master, today my life seems empty. I am so discouraged. What should i do?"
master: "encourage others"
sounds like you are doing the right thing- sharing what is going on is one of my very first lines od defence.
and then of course there is that ol zen story :
young monk: "master, today my life seems empty. I am so discouraged. What should i do?"
master: "encourage others"
Member
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Beaver, WA
Posts: 1,346
((((((((LilAlkie)))))))))
I found it "smashed" only in retrospect after having put the pen to paper in a Fourth Step & having met with my sponsor for a Fifth. Having taken an honest Third for the first time ever in my life I needed to put the facts on paper and continue into action and then into even more action.
Not sure if this makes sense, but will try to express it anyways. I took the First Step once I saw the physical allergy and mental obsession made so much sense to me. It gave me a degree of honesty in seeing my insanity in Step Two which led me to either making a decision and following it with honest action or going back to the way it always seemed to end up. Bottle in hand, sometimes empty,sometimes full sometimes half empty sometimes half full. Sometimes inbetween. Today, I am no longer a middle of the road solutions proponent and my solution is not in the bottle.
(((((((((LilAlkie))))))))))) Keeping you in thoughts and prayers
I found it "smashed" only in retrospect after having put the pen to paper in a Fourth Step & having met with my sponsor for a Fifth. Having taken an honest Third for the first time ever in my life I needed to put the facts on paper and continue into action and then into even more action.
Not sure if this makes sense, but will try to express it anyways. I took the First Step once I saw the physical allergy and mental obsession made so much sense to me. It gave me a degree of honesty in seeing my insanity in Step Two which led me to either making a decision and following it with honest action or going back to the way it always seemed to end up. Bottle in hand, sometimes empty,sometimes full sometimes half empty sometimes half full. Sometimes inbetween. Today, I am no longer a middle of the road solutions proponent and my solution is not in the bottle.
(((((((((LilAlkie))))))))))) Keeping you in thoughts and prayers
Member
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: Greenfield, MA
Posts: 62
I found the Joe and Charlie Big Book Study Helpfull
Here is a link http://www.xa-speakers.org./pafiledb...category&id=13
Lots of .mp3 but well worth it.
I had to go to any legenths -in the Steps to have the Delusion
smashed.
Keegans dad
Morgan
Lots of .mp3 but well worth it.
I had to go to any legenths -in the Steps to have the Delusion
smashed.
Keegans dad
Morgan
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