Julie1016

Hi everyone. My name is Julie. I decided to seek out an online message board that may help me. I am 35 and I do NOT drive.(can you believe it, I've never had my license). Anyway wow where do i begin. I guess First I'll start by saying I had posted some of this info over on another board here at SB, but this looks like more for me. Anyway...basically I come from a family of alcoholics/drug abusers. My mom is an alcoholic and has been since before I was even born. My sister is now a recovering alcoholic, she has been sober for a tad over 3 years now. I also have 2 brothers, one is a recovering alcoholic(although none of us are 100% certain on that fact) but he says he's been sober nearly 2 years now. Then I have another brother who prefers to smoke dope like a person would cigs. My dad is the only family member I have that has none of the above listed problems....I guess I am thankful for that, due to I too have never had a problem with any of the above. Oh I won't lie, I have an OCCASIONAL drink, like maybe 5-6 a year, however I have never done drugs of any kind. My Father however is not perfect either.he likes to beat the crap outta people, and is constantly preaching. Anyway...now to get to the heart of why I'm here. Well Dec. of 2003 my mom was living with her twin sister, whom she had lived with for years(roughly 7-8). The 2 of them had been on a drunken binge which had started on Oct. 31st and ended on that fateful day in Dec. when my moms twin died. Well my mom had not touched a drop of alcohol since then....until...a week and a half ago. From what we can piece together she started drinking on Fri night and ended Sunday when my sis went to pick her up and take her to detox. Turns out she got taken to the hospital instead due to how they found her. Her Blood Alcohol Count was .46. I have been reeling since that weekend and not sure how to handle this. I have NOT spoken to my mom since I found out she was drinking again.(I am the one that called my sis to tell her our mom was drunk). Throughout my entire life, the longest time period my mom was sober was 6 months. Until the last almost year and a half. So I am crushed. I have ALWAYS prayed that my mom would get sober and stay sober and NEVER believed it would happen until after my aunt died. So for the first time in my entire life I allowed myself to believe she WAS going to STAY sober. So I am now more hurt then I ever have been. :-( I DID write my mom a 5 page letter telling her how I felt.....and I mailed it. My mom spent 6 days in the hospital after her binge and I am sure that when she got home, my letter was there waiting for her. I have NO interest on talking to her(except to scream at her). However I am having a kinda hard time with it too, due to I have never been one to hold a grudge or stay angry at anyone. However I have 3 incredible kids and a terrific husband that I NEED to focus my energies on. I just feel like I've now been hurt one too many times by my mom. Anyway..there's my story. Glad I found this place :-)

cwohio

welcome julie - you have found a great site! i am sorry for your pain and anger. have you ever been involved in al-anon? you sound like you know you need to focus on you - the thing you CAN change. read everything you can on this site - the stickies at the top of the friends & family page. others will be along to share their insight, wisdom and caring. come back and keep us posted.

hugs - chris

SnoopyGal

HI Julie -

I'm so sorry for the pain you're going through, but it sounds like you have a wonderful support system in your husband and kids. You're right to focus your energies on them. I only joined this board yesterday, but already I've felt a lot better about my situation, so you've come to the right place!

I think you've taken some positive steps in your problem with your mom - writing a letter is very therapeutic and is most certainly better than getting in a screaming match. Great decision to do that!

Hang in there.

Melissa

Daffodil

Hi Julie and welcome to SR. We're open 24/7 and given a bit of time someone will post after you do.

I can relate to your story about your mother. I was raised by two alcoholics.

In going to Al-Anon, working the 12 steps, having a sponsor, going to meeting I have been able to work though the affects of the family disease of alcoholism and now I can leave the anger and hurt behind. I realize today my parents really did the very best they could and it had nothing to do with me. I believe It is a multi-generational disease. Recovery begins with me. Unfornatualey I didn't become aware of that sooner in my life.

You now have the ability to give the gift of a recovering mother to your children. You are seeking understanding and support for yourself.

Please read all the stickies at the top of this forum. There is comfort in knowing you are not a lone and there a many ways you can find support and relief.

I also would suggest you try 6 Al-Anon meetings near you and before you decide whether it's for you or not

In the meantime, please know you didn't cause it, you can't control it, and you can't cure it. Just getting that from your head to your heart is a journey in itself.

Love and prayers from one who cares.

Hoping to get to know you better. Keep on posting.

Julie1016

In the meantime, please know you didn't cause it, you can't control it, and you can't cure it. Just getting that from your head to your heart is a journey in itself.


Yes you are right. That is going to be my true struggle. As a teenager I went to Al -A-teen, for about 2 years. However I haven't been to a meeting of any kind in years. I don't drive so that makes getting to one very difficult. I do keep looking for one however in a time frame that would be good for me. Many are at night.and with 3 kids and a dh that works 2ns shift. That's not so good for me :-( Which is why I sought out an online board. ;-) Thanks again :-)

Daffodil

Just remember Julie,

All the things you learned in al-ateen. They still apply even now.

Keep on posting we're here for you and you can order a ton of books on line that will help you.

nocellphone

Hi, Julie... Welcome to SR.

I can definitely relate. It took me a loooooong time and a good deal of work in Al-Anon to come to the understanding that I could love someone and be angry with them at the same time. I never knew these two seemingly conflicting emotions could coexist, but I've found they can. In my case, it was also about Mom... and Dad... and a whole bunch of other people. But first, it was Mom.

I've learned to love the person but hate the disease (alcoholism) and the behaviors caused by the disease. Although I may not always like or agree with the behaviors and decisions of my alcoholic loved ones, below that is always the love I feel for them.

I've also found that when I'm angry, it's usually (if not always) a fear reaction:

"I'm angry :hairout................. because I'm afraid of losing you the way I've lost others to this disease ."

cupowater

I don't have a lot to say. I just want to welcome you, and hope you come back lots!

drgnfly30

Ditto.... Welcome & don't be shy!!

Julie1016

Yep. Considering I have had to deal with this situation all my life, I seem to suddenly be having a very difficult time with it. However then again, I don't believe my mom has ever let me down, or hurt me as deeply as she did with this last drinking binge. :-( It's amazing all the let downs and crap I've dealt with my whole life and now here I sit 35 years into my life and probably for the first time ever, truely truely angry and hurt by her. Go figure. Sucks having alcoholics in my family. I thank God that some of the things that have happened to me due to her being too drunk to care for me, are things that happened when I was too young to remember them as I grew up. I've heard many horror stories #1 on the list being that I fell in the lake while we were on vacation at the family cabin, she was too drunk to watch me. Luckily a neighbor spotted me and pulled me out. Yep I was blue and all, she gave me mouth to mouth and I spent time in the hospital. But lucky for me I was only 3 at the time. There are soooo many other similar stories, that sometimes, it makes me just downright sad as hell. :-( Anyway, I REALLY REALLY try NOT to dwell in the past and live for the future, which i guess is why i am having such a hard time with dealing with this current hurt/anger toward my mom. :-( Grrr. Anyway thanks again for listening. Feels WONDERFUL to have people to talk to that truely understand. Hubby tries but he doesn't quite "get it" and who can blame him. He's an awesome hubby though :-)