CAN

<HR style="COLOR: #d1d1e1" SIZE=1><!-- / icon and title --><!-- message -->I've been married to my husband for 17 years. As far as I know (as much as anyone can be certain), he quit drinking 3 years ago. At first I was extreemly angry. I think it had something to do with the fact that I was in my last year in a 3 year college course and was planning to leave him. I was finally getting on with my life and he gets sober. Very upsetting. In a way it forced me to stay and see if we could make it a go.

I'm not entirely sure if we are still reacting to each other in the same way as we did while he was drinking. The put downs are still coming out of his mouth and he is still trying to make me feel less than I am. I've become bitter & bitchy.

Three years later and I'm still finding it difficult to stay. I love him (likely always will) but I did try to put our lives back together but don't know how. It's like, we've lived so long in specific roles that we no longer know how to communicate with each other. I've found that we have nothing in common (except 2 wonderful girls), we have no sex (told me last year he's not interested) - I don't think there is much to stay for. Perhaps because of the kids?? Who out there can give advice on this?? Or is going through a similar situation?
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quietsins

give it all over to your higher power and pray for clarity of what his will is for your life. i have had to do that a couple times and each time it slowly became clearer.

then again my aunt gave me this idea. flip a coin. if you can live with the results of the flip. do it. if you dont like how the flip came out. you already had your mind made up before you did it.

i wish you serenity with your decision whatever it is.
quietsins

gelfling

Getting to alanon meetings and giving you some insight into the disease would help tremendously. You need to remember that getting your lives back together is something you both need to do. Not just you. It's almost as impossible as getting them to stop drinking and staying sober.

Staying in a marriage with an alcoholic (dry-drunk) because of kids isn't the way to think. Look at it from your children's eyes. What do they see? Or feel? If it hurts you, know it hurts them too.

Find meetings and get their free literature. Listen to what others have to share and read up on past posts'.

Blessings

Gabe

Can,
I wouldn't presume to give you advice.
It's your call on what to do about your marriage.
I will tell you this.
Bitter and bitchy is no way to live.
I can also tell you that staying together for the kids is not the answer either.
That only gives your kids two parents in the same house who are unhappy all the time. You, your husband and your kids deserve to be happy.
I hope you find a way to make that happen.