wraybear

Well, AH admitted he started drinking on day two of being home from recovery last month, not day 5 like I wanted to believe. Said he now knows the methadone was still in his system and all he thought about was getting more, so alcohol seemed like the next best thing.

He also went on to explain how much he loved me, blah blah blah.

He wrote each of the kids a letter... they were actually pretty cute letters. Explaining to each one of them where he was and why he was there in great detail...that it was his fault, not their fault, etc. but he did it in a way for each of them to understand. In the 5 year olds letter he explained to her that it is like a "TIME OUT" for grown-ups. ha ha ha - I am glad he took the time to try to explain it in terms they could understand, because I haven't had the courage to tell them he is in jail. I have just said he is in a place where there are people trying to help him with his addiction. I know this is wrong, but I just couldn't muster up the words "daddy is in jail" yet.

He met a man who is a recovered alcoholic and in the first 7 days of being there which was "lock-down" so they had plenty of time to talk. He told my AH that my AH's next stop would probably be the graveyard. He says this has really sunk in and he now knows he will die. They have talked extensively about AA, the bible, the Big Book, which my AH knows a lot of both books by heart, and forgiveness. And forgiving his parents because we are to honor them - even though they are gone. He has struggled big time with his mothers affair (with his baseball coach) that started when he was 9. I say "GET OVER IT!" but, this has always been a thorn in his side, like couldn't even look at pictures of his parents until this past year (he is 47!). So, glad he ran into this guy who is helping him realize the importance of true forgiveness. And, they have talked about him forgiving himself too.

I had made a call to his PO yesterday, left a message wondering if they have the authority or means to have him sent to a half-way house or one of the city missions that have programs to help people get back on their feet. I am unable to allow him to come home now. He didn't mention coming home, but in the little ones letter he did say he will be home in time for her birthday.
Hmmm? HOME? (I don't consider this call "codie" as it is a way for me to stay healthy and have some intervention maybe with him not thinking he can come home)

I DO HAVE EXPECTATIONS. And, I SHOULD be able to have them. Those expectations are that he will address the depression issue and he will seek counseling. I don't think it is wrong for me to have a few demands at this point. And, actions speak louder than words, which I have said before, and I always listen to the words and am not patient enough to wait for the action.
But, this time I am. And, my divorce papers have been filed... don't know where to go with this right now, but I don't have to address it today, so I am not.

I don't know what is going to happen, so please pray for this situation. All I know, is that me and the kiddos are enjoying life again. I am not "on hold" like I have been for the past several years. It is so nice to be enjoying this freedom to live and enjoy life.

Take care everyone and have a great weekend.

Gabe

That is very good to hear.

minnie

There are so many positives from your post - I am so pleased for you.

You mention expectations. I take it those are things that you expect him to do before he moves back in. That's perfectly healthy and simply you expressing your boundaries. Nothing wrong at all to want to see action instead of hearing words. In fact, I think it's the only way to go.

Relish this freedom - this is what life is all about.

Love

Minnie
xxx

cwohio

wray - glad to hear you are doing better! good for you and your boundaries! hope that he is "getting it" and really knows that it is do or die! wish mine would!