StrangeName

Hi, I'd posted my first message on a different forum, just because my problem seemed very similar to that told by another member (Hooha1985).

But as suggested by moderator, I'll begin this new thread here at Newcomers. Hope some of the readers can help me.

I'll explain my case here again:

Recently I broke up with my girl due to her problems with drugs. Now, she's not living with me and her problem has gone worse... she's taking even more drugs... now that she has not my control on her and my daily worrying.

So, as I'm still a good (best!) friend for her, and I really care for her, I don't know how to act. I think I got two main options:

1. Telling her: well, I'm your friend but I don't want to see how you ruin your life... so you must choose between me and the drugs.
2. Just let her go down and remain as a last help for her in case she decides to kick drugs away.

I think first option is not very realistic. It's like: if you go on with drugs and that people you take them with, you'll lose the last good thing in your life - me! I think it's very dangerous, a kind of shock treatment, because she has already let me go as her mate becasue of drugs... and leave me as a friend would be a harder step for her, but maybe just one more step. I could lose her, she could lose her last hope and it all could end up really bad!

Second one seems quite scary to me... it means pain every time she comes to me and tells me what she does when she goes out on drugs... But wouldn't it like giving as aspirine to a bad ill person... it will make nothing to cure her, but make the illnes last longer by easying the pain...

(Hope you can undertand my bad English, folks! Thank you in advance for your help)

CarolD

I can help others as long as the desire is there.

This has not happened with my family and friends perhaps because I could not beobjective.

You did not cause her to use drugs...and you can not cure her.


May you find a way to let go of her situation.

Mich

Welcome to SR!! This is a wonderful place.
Unfortunately an addict will not quit until THEY are ready. I know you want to help...but you cant help her.....you can only help yourself.....Ouch, I know that thought hurts.
For ME..I had to say goodbye.. I tried the friend thing and it was too sad to watch someone I love destroy their life.
Hop over to the Naranon board...there is a ton of information to read about loving an addict.
Hugs
M

StrangeName

Well, I think that's quite simplistic. I'm not sure if I understand you... Do you mean that I cannot cure her because I was not the cause of her problem?

What I'm trying to guess right now is the best way to influence her, to make a difference, no matter if only a little difference, but a difference in the good (curing) direction...

StrangeName

Can't I really help her? I really think that I'm one of the few people, maybe the only one, who can help her because I'm one of the few people she listens to. If someone can help her, that's me. Of course SHE is the first who must help herself... but in the very second place of the list of necessary influences...there it's me.

So, I think I can bear trying the friend thing -as you say- for a time... but can't imagine for how long!! I think I must try the longer I can.

Wow! That seems the kind of board I was looking for! (It's a pity I couldn't find anything like that in Spanish sites). Thank you very much for the direction, Mich. I'll read the main posts and then I'll post back here or there.

hopealwayz

Hi, don't give up on her. When I was lost in my drug use, I had a good friend who cared enough to reach out to me. He reached out to me, talked with me about my options and didn't give up on me. Although he didn't walk away, he told me that he could not be closely involved in my life while I was using. This was a wake up call to me. I continued to use for a while after that, but eventually his words kept going through my head and I knew I had a friend who truly cared.

In the end, he was the friend who helped me save my life.

There is always hope.

StrangeName

That makes a lot of sense to me. I think that's the better way, although a difficult one, 'cause you never know when you are too closely involved or not. I think I'll let her choose how much close she wants me to be.

Thank you very much. I think your opinion has helped me see through :-)