bonbon

ok, it is hitting me pretty hard. I should not have opened myself up to all of that again. Emotionally I feel myself being a wreck. I was crying earlier. Being with him like that makes it so hard to remember the bad times. Why is that? Part of me is wanting him back....maybe I need to make a list of the bad things so I can remember why I am where I am at.

I am not trying to beat myself up here, it is just so hard. I don't really have any regrets, I am feeling really down though.

I really didn't ever want to be in this spot again...

Morning Glory

Bonbon,

You've just temporarily lost your balance. It's not permenant. You just had a break up that was very shocking and disappointing. It's only natural to want to run back to your comfort zone. Give yourself some time to regain your footing. You have everything you need within yourself and your HP to get through this.

You may be trying to grab on to the wrong life raft right now. These painful feelings won't hurt you. Feel them and find your balance. You are afraid right now uncertain of your strengths and abilities. Review your strengths. The confusion you feel may be the fantacy battling with the reality of the situation. You will find clarity. Give yourself time.

I learned not to make serious decisions when I'm in an emotional crisis. You don't have to make any decisions today. You just need to get through the day.

Hugs,
MG

Action Girl

Bon Bon....

sending **************{hugs}}}}}}} your way. This too shall pass.

Be strong and believe in yourself!

Lynda

smoke gets in my eyes

Hi Bonbon!

I miss Dino a lot this week, too. I'm having oatmeal cookies and a Robert DeNiro movie... it seems to be working. You may need something with more strength like, oh, turtle cheesecake. Fact is, sometimes it just smarts and that's all. Review Ann's excuse eliminator and do something nice for you and the kid. The A's know that picking up once does not have to lead to a full blown relapse. Us neither!!! Listen to your recovery reasoning! Just for today.

Hugs,
Smoke

JT

Bonbon,

I have been there with my son too. He looks good, he says the right things, he is charming...by the way, in my experience A's are VERY charming. And also VERY good at saying what we want to hear. The roller coaster goes up... my hopes are high and I remember the all the good about him. Then the first thing I say that indicates I am holding back my trust and he gets all nasty again. Then the roller coaster goes down. And I kick myself for falling for it. Personally I have gotten past that particular scenerio, but it only because I have been through it so many times.

If he approaches you about renewing your relationship, I know you are not going to fall to pieces and into his arms. Watch how he reacts when you make "I need time" noises.

And do not forget that this is a man who had you very frightened....

Hugs,
JT

Ann

Hi Bonbon

You mentioned making a list and I think that is a fine idea. I often do the same with the good stuff on one side and the bad stuff on the other. When I am done, I can clearly see the truth in the bad stuff and the lack of reality today in the good stuff. This is not a negative, thing...it will just help you remember why you shouldn't be with him.

If you find yourself obsessing (and we all do that too), do things to take your mind somewhere else. Even a good book, it doesn't have to be a recovery book, can take me away from my own thoughts. Do anything just to give your mind a break. This is not denial, this is a healthy way to LET GO of what is bothering you.

My heart goes out to you. The lessons here can often be painful, but they are good lessons nevertheless. Now it is time for Bonbon to heal and move forward again. I promise you it will get better.

There is a beautiful world of light out there, so don't hang out in the darkness. At least light a candle.

Ann

Hi Bonbon

I posted a new thread called 'The Grief Process" because I thought it might help you and others who are going through so many changes.

Hope it helps a little.

Ann

Hi again and again Bonbon

MG's thread at the top of this board "Hooks Which Keep You Boundary-less" is also a great read for what you are going through.

I have been thinking about you all day and just wandered up there for a look again and saw how fitting it was.

Go Peek. It's a really good thread.

bonbon

Thank you to everyone for the kind words, I came home and threw myself into some serious cleaning, I made it through today and now I am exhausted. I am going to ask my HP to give me a little boost in the strength department if at all possible.

Thanks anns for the wonderful reading. I needed that........

Love you all........

Morning Glory

Bonbon,

I'm glad you're feeling better. I remember going through what you're going through and it is soooo hard. There were days when I felt that all I could do was crawl and other days where I asked God to carry me.

Everything you learn right now will be passed on to your daughter. She will thank you later for the hard work and effort you are putting into yourself right now. She is so fortunate to have you for a mother.

Hugs,
MG