Starr

Someone said in a post not long ago something like....When the thought of what will happen to you if you stay becomes greater than the thought of what will happen to him if you go......the decision becomes clear. Anyone remember?

cwohio

whe the fear of staying is greater than the fear of leaving, i believe. i'm almost there!

cupowater

I don't think I'm there yet. It's not as bad as a lot of you. I guess I am lucky that way. It gives me time to prepare.

JessicaNAJ

Unfortunately for me....I can't remember what it was like (completely) when he was at home. I've gotten really good at forgetting the bad...

We've been seperated for a year now.

I do know I was miserable when I asked him to leave.

cwohio

jess - are you legally separated or just living apart?

JessicaNAJ

Chris - we are living apart for the time being. The original arrangement was he needed to move out because we weren't getting along. I needed to work on me, he needed to work on him and then we can work on being together.

I'm still not sure what the outcome is going to be. I guess it depends on how much he works on him.

Beautiful

I only know that, in layman's terms, when he is more of a drain than an asset then he needs to go. It's like an investment. If you're investing and getting no return, do you pull your money from the bank or do you keep "investing" until you're down the tube?

cwohio

sorry i am highjacking this thread.

jess - just curious - i haven't looked into it yet but didn't know if you had to be legally separated to live apart without causing problems down the road (divorce, etc.) - like abandonment.

JessicaNAJ

Honestly Chris, I really don't know. But when I talked to the attorneys about being legally responsible for his financial debt (which I'm not b/c he accumulated it ALL after he moved out) they didn't say anything about there being a problem down the line.

You might want to call your own attorney though.

nocellphone

Was it "When the pain is greater than the fear, you'll make a change"?

Actually, what you've already said makes a great deal of sense!

cleoantony

The lonliness of not knowing what he is doing or where he is. Does not compare to the lonliness of knowing what I am doing or where I am. I am so much more at peace, still sad and wishing he were here and sober, but much happier now, and who knows what the future will/can bring!!!!!!!!

jojo

It was me. "When my fear for what would happen to him if I left was overcome by my fear for what would happen to me if I stayed" it made my decision alot more clear cut. I spent a long time worrying about what would happen to him if I wasn't there for him. It got to the point where I was becoming emotionally and physically ill from living that life. I left to save myself and decided that he had to make the decision of whether to save himself or not. I have never once regretted it. Hope this helps.

Hugs, Jo

Starr

That's it, JoJo, Thanks for your post! Thanks everyone for your responses. I copied that and put it in my pocket and proceeded to loose it after reading it a few times, but can't seem to get it out of my mind. I have always worried about what would happen to him if I left, but I never gave thought to what was happening to me because I was staying. Will I go? Will I stay? I don't know as of this point. But I am definately starting to give thought as to MY future.

cupowater

Chris, I think if you leave and take all your things out of the house that it is abandonment. If there is someone you can just stay with until the devorce it is good, cause he can't say you "left" then. But I WOULD take anything of value to you!