Lakeside

This is the longest I have stayed away and this is the longest he (AH) has been on a drinking binge. I left because he was verbally and starting to physically hurt me. I've gone back to the house to check on things but every time I go back he berates me, I leave the house then he leaves awful messages on my phone. I believe alcohol his finally overtaken his mind and sanity and it makes me so sad. I can't even talk to him. He called this morning and said he went to our local bar last night (of coarse) and said everybody knew we were having problems and said the "friend" I am staying with told everybody. "Thanks for dragging my name through the mud." Well, I could barely get a word in but finally said I would like to come home if we could have a rational converstation. He said fine but continued to berate me. So here I am still at my "friends" not knowing what to do. I am upset that my "friend" blabbed about my problems but I guess I knew that about her. It was either her place or a motel.
Okay, so here it is Easter weekend, Do I go back & try to talk to him or wait it out until he gets control of himself. (which the way he is drinking probalby won't happen-he's been drinking morning, noon and night) I'm worried about him, me and us. His big thing about me is I haven't wanted sex. Nope, not me, especially when I feel there is no love involved on his part only self gratification.

Thanks to all of you listening out there, it makes me feel a teeny weeny bit better just knowing that alot of you are in the same boat as me and understand the pain and sorrow.
Today is Good Friday. Wish it was.....

lonlion

Hi Lakeside, that depends on your reasons for leaving in the first place. If it was to teach him a lesson, I don't think it worked. If it was to distance yourself from the verbal abuse, sounds like it is still there.
I don't know you, but can tell you that you don't deserve that kind of treatment. We teach people how to treat us, and if you went back knowing things are not only better, but worse, you will be in for the same thing.

Either way, it is your decision in the end. Do what is right for you. You know the situation clearly, and it doesn't sound like he "gets it". Sad, but maybe some day he will.

My thoughts and prayers to you
Diana

Lakeside

Diana,
Thank you for your thoughts.
I didn't leave to teach him a lesson. I left for my sanity. The day I left, I was loosing my mind with all the sh** he was saying to me. Over and over again. Everything was my fault, his drinking, his abuse.....I want nothing more than to go home to my wonderful home and find a loving husband but that's not going to happen.
Unfortunetly, I fear he will die before he "gets it"

rivercitybelle

You need to keep you safe... especially since as you said it was starting to get physical... Read some of the sticky post in the Women In Recovery forum on abuse.
There is NO need to put yourself in that situation.
As for your friend, maybe they "blabbed" and maybe not... A's are great at manipulating situations to fit their needs and especially to get there Codie back.

Remember... It's NOT your fault. Be safe.

jojo

Lakeside -

You left because of verbal and physical abuse - to keep yourself safe. Talking to him now won't accomplish a thing except to give him an opportunity to hurt you. He is not thinking clearly and as long as he is drinking you will be putting yourself in danger. Nothing you can say or do will change him. He has to want to get help. Please, please, please don't take that risk. Abuse escalates. Keep yourself safe. If he becomes abusive to you again call 911 and have him arrested. It is a hard thing to do but it would put him in a place where he can't drink and away from you. I'm so sorry you are having to go through this.

Hugs, Jo

JessicaNAJ

DON'T go back..... Wait for him to call you and wait until you KNOW he is sober. at least 2 days sober.

My experience with my AH - you can't talk to him when he's drunk. And it takes a couple days to fully get out of his system. He was still an ass even after the day he stopped his binge.

What's done is done. You cannot control what your friend says. But you can control how much information she learns in the future to prevent her from saying anything further.

Be careful, take care of you. If he abused you, it will get worse. Your safety and self care is #1

gelfling

Stop worrying about him. Worry about yourself and finding another place to stay. Easter or no Easter...being alone without pain and misery in a hotel room is a holiday. Knowing your every word is being shared, this supposed friend isn't in your corner.

If the man has been drinking round the clock, he cannot think rationally. And until he stops long enough for common sense to set in, don't waste your time and energy. He's at a stage of not caring about anyone and that includes himself.

Think hard about going back. Verbal and physical abuse. Is it really worth it? Until he makes a decision he wants total sobriety, it's not going to get any better. And if hit you once, he's going to do it again. And each time you leave and go back, it will start over again.

Be safe.