JessicaNAJ

Y'all know I value your opinions. So, here I am asking yet another question

Can you tell me if this is CoDe?


I have to be somewhere today at 5:30. By the time I pick up the kids it will be almost 5:00. This place is 30 minutes away without the rush hour traffic. Needless to say, I would be cutting it close.

This morning, I asked my AH to pick up the kids for me.

I told him to call me before 4:00 (I leave work at 4:00) so I know if he's on his way or not. Then I told him if he didn't call, I would pick up the kids.

cwohio

jess - i don't think it's CoDe - you are trying to make the situation work for YOU!

queenofthehwy

I don't know if it's code or not, but you have to make sure your kids get picked up. With his history I think it's a good idea. On the other hand what if he thinks well if I just don't call she'll get the kids? HMMMMM

3Critters

I can't answer if it's CoDe, because I'm still learning about all of that... But the question I would pose is: Do you think he'll use the 'out' and not call so that he doesn't have to pick up the kids?

JessicaNAJ

I don't think he'll do that ONLY because he wants to "try to get my trust back" so he can keep the kids. But, I'm prepared for anything because his is soooo unreliable.

Whatever....lol I've learned not to expect anything out of him. I'm just gonna sit back and see what he's capable of doing.

EndOfRoadWife

I don't think it is CODE..I think you need to give him a little responsibility...

StandingStrong

It's not being codependant to ask someone for help.
But.......I'm wondering. Why do you always ask him to help you out?
No, I'm not saying there is anything wrong with asking him to help you out and/or help with the children that you two have together. I guess I'm just coming from the opposite angle than you are. (As usual, huh? lol) When AH and I split up, I wanted NOTHING from him! I wouldn't ask him for anything! I had told him to SHOW me that he'd changed, PROVE to me that he was different, etc. There were a few things that I did to make that easier for him - but I also felt that he needed to do this stuff on his own. I didn't want to be dependant on him for anything! So I guess that is why I'm curious why you always ask him to help you. I know you have friends and family, etc near you. Especially in moments like this - you are questioning YOURSELF and asking if you are a CoDe for this situation. Would you be asking that same thing of yourself if you asked someone else for help other than your AH? (Just something for you to ponder)

JessicaNAJ

Thank you SS for the objective angle....lol You know I aways look forward to that.

And that is a very good thing for me to "ponder".

In the past, I'm guilty of asking him to do things because I was lazy and didn't want to. I'm a creature of habit, I ask because that's the only way I think he will do something. But I really haven't asked him for anything for a while now. I want to see what he's capable of offering. Which I am finding out, isn't much. BUT, he did offer to "help" me work on my car. I would have been really nice if he would have offered to do it for me, but the help was nice.

I asked him today because he came to me last week and said he wanted to gain back my trust as far as him being able to keep the kids. I know he misses the kids, this was a way he could spend time with them. OHHHHH .... it was CoDe. I asked him because I wanted to help him....Damn!!! - see how you make my mind "work", how do you do that???

I could have asked my mom, but she always makes me feel like I'm putting her out of her way (or maybe that is just my perception of it - maybe something I need to work on).