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ok, here's the howard post i promised. for all the newbies having trouble..........



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ok, here's the howard post i promised. for all the newbies having trouble..........

Old 03-21-2005, 05:32 PM
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ok, here's the howard post i promised. for all the newbies having trouble..........

with a higher power!

my names bill, and i'm definitely an alcoholic! ask anyone who knows me! LOL

i'm also a recovering irish catholic, ya see, me ma and dad came over from ireland back in the 50's. they were both strict irish catholics and tried to raise us offspring as such. being the good alchy i am i rebeled at an early age, 9 or 10 i think?

anyhow's it's........

i was a self proclaimed atheist for the longest time, but now i've improved up to agnostic, sometimes! LOL.

it happened at my home group, the turnpike. the speaker shared about spirituality and how it was a part of his life getting better after trying recovery. everyone who shared back spoke of god, or their higher power in their lives and how spirituality was the key.

now me being an angry newbie, and an atheist on top of that, i was having none of it! i just sat in the back tearing up their inventories. what simpletons i thought!

as the meeting progressed i noticed something!!!

i sat in the back, by myself, miserable!, and everyone else it seemed was happy. they were enjoying themselves almost as if they didn't have a care in the world!

at the end of the meeting they chose to close with the lord's prayer. i of course stood in the back and attacked them all in my mind! look at them all! heads down, arms raised, what the fudge?

they started to pray after a moment of silence, "Our Father, Who art in Heaven....... Howard be thy name!"

HOWARD be thy name?

did they really say that?

it doesn't matter what they said, that's what i heard.

after the meeting, on my way home i thought....."howard be thy name huh?" well what the heck! they all got something i want, and if i choose this howard whatever thingy as a higher power it will get alot of people off my back about finding a higher power! especially my sponser!!!...... aaahhhhh, peace at last,

little did i know it at the time, but my higher power was already working for me, bringing me my first taste of serenity!

now for quite some time the folks at AA were telling me about higher powers, and how i should find one! i used to tell um i found one alright, he was right under the bed where i left him! they would tell me it could be anything of my understanding. understanding? isn't the whole god thing a mystery? we ain't supposed to understand are we?

i was told it could be the doorknob, or a light bulb! nope, uh uh!! i used to talk to doorknobs when i was using! i ain't doing that no more!

but now i had HOWARD!

i played the whole howard bit as a muse at first, to get people to leave me alone, but sure enough i found myself talking to this howard whatever in times of need, kinda like foxhole prayers i guess? i was begining to have a relationship with my new make believe friend! oy vey!!!!!!

well guess what? this higher power thing was working for me, who woulda thunk it? not this drunk!

so now i got this higher power entity, but i have no clue how to identify with it? i must give howard a form i thought! first thing that came to mind was my short catholic upbringing. god is a great big guy with a long beard and robe. he lives in the clouds and is all powerful!

nah, i ain't relating to that, nope!

but i could use it to build a form for howard!

howard is a great big guy with a long beard alright, but he don't live in no clouds and he ain't got a robe! he wears a leatherjacket and he rides a harley! lots of tats too!

he's a nomad, never stays in one place too long, always checking out the scenerey and knows everything going on all the time! smart dude! and not the kind of dude you're going to disobey, *cough* not if ya know anything about bikers! *cough*

so now i got howard, and i know what he looks like. and as typical as any other biker, if i do good by him i'm aces....... but if i fault him i'm in deep doo doo! so i try to keep him happy by doing the next right thing, and it's working!

no matter what i ask of howard he'll always answer me. sometimes the answer is "no". sometimes it's "not right now". every once in awhile it's "are you out of your mind"? and occaisionaly it's "go ahead, you worked hard and deserve a reward!" and thats ok by me today!

howard helped me out the other day....... i was riding the train into manhattan, i was exhausted and could've really used a seat! i looked up at the top of the train and said....... "ya know howard, i'm really tired. i've been busting my hole doing the next right thing and now i have to stand! i could really use a seat!"

guess what?

6 or 7 people got up and moved away so i could sit down! really, they did, i wouldn't kid ya. that was howard working for me through them! i took my seat looked up and said....... "thanks howard!"

i pray to howard on a daily basis, but it's not the kind of prayer you'd see in a church, nope. i get to yell at howard, and curse him out. he understands i really don't mean it though. and when things are going good i get to tell him he's an ok guy, and i thank him. i ask him to watch over the people in my life today, and even the ones not in my life, because it's the right thing to do!

when i'm not doing the next right thing howard lets me know. he grabs me by the intestines and gives a gentle squeaze. not enough to cause pain or anything, but just enough to let me know something ain't right. and if i'm doing ok he'll push down on my stomach and give me a cool feeling like ya get on a roller coaster. and if things are sad and i try my best to get past them, he rubs my heart to let me know everythings going to be ok!

some people call that a belly barometer, but i know different!

howard tells me it's ok for some people to be catholic, or jewish, or muslim or hindu or what ever. it's even ok not to believe at all. he says he doesn't take offense to that. he says he'll watch over them anyway, because he cares and he does the next right thing too.

howard says if anyone wants to talk to doorknobs or light bulbs to go for it! he'll hear ya. and if you choose to use the people from AA as a G.O.D. (group of drunks) that's ok too. because he does most of his work through others anyway.

but most of all howard says to have someone or something to fall back on in times of need. something to be able to call on. call on your something or someone when you can't get to a meeting, or you can't make that phone call to another drunk. howard says he's everywhere and everything. even if you have to pick up a rock, yell at it and throw it in a pond, he'll know, and he'll help!

laugh all you want because some of this was amusing! but know one thing...... howard is a part of my life today, and without him i probably wouldn't be sober!

nuts? you bet i'm friggin nuts! but i'm one happy s.o.b. who smiles today like i don't have a care in the world, because when i find myself in times of trouble, mother mary comes to me, speaking words of wisdom, Let it be!

if this can posibly help one person, or even make somebody smile, then i've done howards work today!
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Old 03-21-2005, 05:40 PM
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Learning to love me.
 
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*standing & clapping*
Great story ****. You and Howard are inspirations.
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Old 03-22-2005, 12:18 AM
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Miss Behavin'
 
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OMG. I love this. Like Roxann says.....Standing and clapping!!!!!!
Babba i'm sendin you a serious hug!!!! I've had a pretty rough craving day today and this helped me in so many ways...i really have goose bumps right now!!!!
Not to say i don't have a HP but yur story just klicks!!!
Thanks my friend!!!!!
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Old 03-22-2005, 04:33 AM
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Stopping the tornado
 
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Too funny!! What a great way to start a SOBER day!
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Old 03-22-2005, 01:08 PM
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It was so good to read this story again.. *hugs
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Old 03-22-2005, 02:02 PM
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Thank you for this thread =)......
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