Notices

Is it okay to let him die?

Old 03-20-2005, 05:52 AM
  # 1 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Eden45's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: tryon north carolina
Posts: 10
Unhappy Is it okay to let him die?

I will try and be as concise as possible here .. i am new ty for allowing me to speak here.
I am a 59 year old woman with a 38 year old alcoholic son who i have asked to leave my home where he was living for 2 1/2 years after he asked us to help him get back on his feet after starting a window cleaning business.
He did NOT get on his feet ... things just managed to keep getting worse .. as of now he owes back child support and is in danger of going to jail .. he has no job no car no home and is a type one diabetic who does NOT care for himself .. he drinks a 12 pack a day or more and smokes.
His dad was working with him part time until June of 2004 when he began having the symptoms of what turned out to be a cancerous brain tumor. My husband MUST be my primary concern right now he needs a healing environment after having gone through 2 major brain surgerys in the past 5 months.
My sons drinking seemed to escalate when his dad got sick and it got to the point where he and i were getting confrontational and he was slamming doors and calling me names and this on the night when his father had just returned from the hospital.
He has NEVER stood on his own two feet and has always relied on family or on girlfriends (( all failed relationships )) to bail him out and help him.
My problem is i feel like i'm weakening .. he has been staying with his brother who is fed up and wants him to leave as well. I saw him last night and he is sick and discheveled and could be in danger of dying from diabetes ... he has no where to go and wants help getting back and forth to his jobs since he has no car. He tells me that if he goes to jail they wont give him his insulin he's read horror stories about things like that. And since he has no insurance he says no treatment center in our area (western north carolina) will help him. I don't want him to die but i can't keep enabling him and allowing him to run home. What should i do? tyvm.
Eden45 is offline  
Old 03-20-2005, 05:56 AM
  # 2 (permalink)  
Stopping the tornado
 
Greatful2004's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: USA
Posts: 143
hugs to you Eden.

You might want to post this in the family & friends forum and look for an alanon mtg in your area.

I don't think I am the person to give you advice on your situation, but I am thinking of you
Greatful2004 is offline  
Old 03-20-2005, 06:09 AM
  # 3 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2003
Posts: 4,955
Eden, I'm sorry you have all of these hard things to deal with. It sounds like your son is in desperate need of detox and treatment. Here is a link to some places in your area. Sometimes treatment centers will take people with no insurance. When my ex went through treatment, he said the majority of people he was in with had no insurance.
http://www.theagapecenter.com/Treatm...h-Carolina.htm
Gabe is offline  
Old 03-20-2005, 06:10 AM
  # 4 (permalink)  
JT
Supply Manager
 
JT's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2002
Location: Cleaverville
Posts: 2,898
Eden,

First, Welcome!!

I have a 30 year old alcoholic son and he just did get out of jail. It has been my experience that when I stopped helping him he found someone else to do it. When he was being released I told him he could not come here and he was very close to been relesed to a half-way house or a shelter when a friend stepped in.

Look at it this way. Has one thing you have done for him in the past changed where he is today? No? I thought not. So it only seems reasonable that there is nothing you can do today that will change tomorrow for him.

There are free rehabs like the Salvation Army, AA is donation (usually a buck) each meeting, and many other affordable resources out there if he really wants them. One thing I have offered my son is the 1st month of a halfway house or any other program like that. I won't pay the whole freight but I would help him get a leg up.

Come on down to the Al Anon (Family and Friends) forum...there are plenty of parents in the same boat as you. We paddle along together...

Hugs,
JT
JT is offline  
Old 03-20-2005, 06:10 AM
  # 5 (permalink)  
To Life!
 
historyteach's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2003
Location: Rhode Island
Posts: 9,293
Eden;
First, let me welcome you to SR! Here, you will find a place of comfort and support as you learn to deal more effectively with your son's illness and your own life.
I'm so sorry you are dealing with this on top of your husband's illness. My prayers are with you all...
As for your son....well...you are right! You can't continue enabling him. He is an adult who needs to stand up on his own two feet. My son is a heroin addict, so, I do understand exactly how difficult this is for you...how easy it is to fall for his lines over and over.
But, your husband's needs come first here, as you state.
There is the Salvation Army that your son can go to. I understand they have intake 7 days a week. It is work therapy. They have AA meetings regularly. If he WANTS to get better, he can. And it is entirely 100% free.
I do urge you to go to some face to face alanon meetings. The support you will get there will help you with the burdens you face; will help you help yourself. We also have meetings here on SR. Check the forum for the chat and online meetings to see when they are.
We can detach with love from our sons' diseases, Eden. That is what this place and f2f meetings will help you understand. You might want to pick up the book, Codependent No More, by Melody Beattie too. It will help show what we can do to take better care of our own needs and stop enabling those whom we love. As Jon, the owner of this site says: "We can enable them right into the grave."
I'm glad you made it here; I hope to see you here often as we both grow in our recovery!
Shalom!
Oh, and btw; the prison WILL give him life saving medication.
Take good care of you!
historyteach is offline  
Old 03-20-2005, 06:27 AM
  # 6 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Eden45's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: tryon north carolina
Posts: 10
Thank you so much

WOW Thank you all so much for your replies and your suggestions .. i only wish i had found this forum sooner but thank God i'm here now .. the things you have suggested sound Truly helpful and i am feeling better about things already. I am emailing him at his friends house where he spent the night last night and giving him that list of places in north carolina where he can get help and also suggesting the Salvation Army ..i appreciated your kind words of comfort and it helps to know that others have and are going through the same things as we are. God Bless You all ty so much. :hugehug
Eden45 is offline  
Old 03-20-2005, 06:50 AM
  # 7 (permalink)  
To Life!
 
historyteach's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2003
Location: Rhode Island
Posts: 9,293
(((Eden)))
right back at ya!
You have made the first step on that journey of 1000 miles...
Keep on truckin...
Shalom!
historyteach is offline  
Old 03-20-2005, 02:41 PM
  # 8 (permalink)  
Member
 
BubbaBob's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: Jasper, GA
Posts: 239
Eden, if he wants help, is not just making excuses, there is a treatment program here in the N Georgia mountains that would prolly take him if they have room. It is called The Way Home and can be reached through the director, Dave, who also runs a women's program 10 miles away. The number is 706/635-7224. It is located in Ellijay, GA. Cost is about 600 a month, but if he is destitute I have never known Dave to turn away someone that REALLY wants help.

If you call, tell Dave an old drunk named Bob gave you his number.

BubbaBob
BubbaBob is offline  
Old 03-20-2005, 05:01 PM
  # 9 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Eden45's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: tryon north carolina
Posts: 10
Thnx Bob were not too far from northern Ga. mtns am mailing this number to him even as we speak ... sounds hopeful and will pass on your hello
Eden45 is offline  

Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off




All times are GMT -7. The time now is 02:02 AM.