newbie and scared
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: schweinfurt germany
Posts: 3
newbie and scared
ok so my husband is in recovery and is doing really good but why do i feel so lonely and distant? he comes home this weekend for a pass and i hope i can get it together enough to show him how much i love him. i wonder if he is going to fix his life and then not want me in it anymore. i get scared but i think im just being stupid because i cant even say what im afraid of. but i hope things get better. i went to my first f2f meeting last sat and i plan on going again. i just want to make things as easy as i can on him right now and he wants me to show him so affection and i do to but it feels different now maybe even more true.....so whats my deal why am i so confused???
crazywoman
crazywoman
Member
Join Date: Aug 2001
Location: That's what I'd like to know.
Posts: 2,416
Hello Melody!
Welcome to the recovery forum. The feelings you are having are not unusual, and are symptoms of codependency. Codependents need to be needed and you may be afraid if your husband is sober, he will not need you any more. Please keep going to those meetings! Attending alanon and working the steps can help you to realize that you are worthy as an individual, not just as part of a relationship. Your husbands recovery journey is his own.
Keep posting!
Hugs,
Smoke
Welcome to the recovery forum. The feelings you are having are not unusual, and are symptoms of codependency. Codependents need to be needed and you may be afraid if your husband is sober, he will not need you any more. Please keep going to those meetings! Attending alanon and working the steps can help you to realize that you are worthy as an individual, not just as part of a relationship. Your husbands recovery journey is his own.
Keep posting!
Hugs,
Smoke
Member
Join Date: Feb 2002
Location: North America
Posts: 362
Melody,
Welcome!!! Glad you found us! Just like what Smoke said, keep going to those meetings, and of coarse you can come here. Go through some of the good reading here, that will help you as well. Read Addictive Personality by Pernell Johnson, Excellent Reading.
Welcome!!!!
Welcome!!! Glad you found us! Just like what Smoke said, keep going to those meetings, and of coarse you can come here. Go through some of the good reading here, that will help you as well. Read Addictive Personality by Pernell Johnson, Excellent Reading.
Welcome!!!!
Supply Manager
Join Date: Feb 2002
Location: Cleaverville
Posts: 2,898
Welcome!
You are doing the right thing by going to meetings...they are so helpful. And the feelings you are having are normal. I am sure that he is frightened right now too. Your relationship will change and change can be scary. Try not to worry about what the future holds...none of us can know that...stay in today and put the past in the past. Trusting him again will take some time....maybe alot of time and he should know that too, so don't feel bad if you find trust hard to muster up.
About affection...try compassion. This is a very difficult thing for him to have admitted..that he has a problem. It will not be easy for him to stay sober. If you try to put yourself in his shoes and feel some of what he is going through, loving him should be easy.
Hugs,
JT
You are doing the right thing by going to meetings...they are so helpful. And the feelings you are having are normal. I am sure that he is frightened right now too. Your relationship will change and change can be scary. Try not to worry about what the future holds...none of us can know that...stay in today and put the past in the past. Trusting him again will take some time....maybe alot of time and he should know that too, so don't feel bad if you find trust hard to muster up.
About affection...try compassion. This is a very difficult thing for him to have admitted..that he has a problem. It will not be easy for him to stay sober. If you try to put yourself in his shoes and feel some of what he is going through, loving him should be easy.
Hugs,
JT
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: schweinfurt germany
Posts: 3
Thanks so much for the support. I wish i didnt have to lable myself as a codependent.....i hate lables.....guess its better than an alcoholic....well i dont know its all bad. He is coming home tomarrow again for another weekend pass. I told him that I need to detach myself from his problem and love him for the person his is not the person that Im hoping he will be. I see good changes in him, and I dont know what there is to fear. "There is nothing to fear but fear itself" Ill go by that for now......so guess I will check back later.
love and peace
hippiechick
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