The good and the bad....
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: Ohio
Posts: 390
The good and the bad....
Bad:
1)He drinks 1/2 a fifth of whisky a day and sometimes goes to the bar after.
2)Lectures our sons while he slurrs his words.
3)Sometimes dosn't care about his appearence when he is drunk.
4)Supports the fact that his family won't include me in his family functions.
(not that I would go now anyway)
5)Did I mention the 1/2 a 5th of whisky?
6)Plays the "Look what I did for you" game.
7)Can't go anywhere on a "date" unless I drive, because he won't drive drunk.
8)His health is probably really getting bad.
9)Paranoia.
10)Mind games
11)The money he is wasting on booz.
12)Over re-acts to things
13) Insecure
Good:
1) He loves our boys
2) pay's the bills on time (most of the time)
3) cooks dinner for me and has it ready when I get home from work.
4) sometimes has the garage door open for me too
5) Loves cats!
6) likes to go on drives (when he isn't drinking)
7) Gives me money if I need it
8) Supports my art "hobbie" emotionally and sometimes finantually
9) Built us a gazebo, and a storage shed
10) I have known him since we were 4 years old (44 years!)
11) Is good to my mother.
What are your good and bad's?
1)He drinks 1/2 a fifth of whisky a day and sometimes goes to the bar after.
2)Lectures our sons while he slurrs his words.
3)Sometimes dosn't care about his appearence when he is drunk.
4)Supports the fact that his family won't include me in his family functions.
(not that I would go now anyway)
5)Did I mention the 1/2 a 5th of whisky?
6)Plays the "Look what I did for you" game.
7)Can't go anywhere on a "date" unless I drive, because he won't drive drunk.
8)His health is probably really getting bad.
9)Paranoia.
10)Mind games
11)The money he is wasting on booz.
12)Over re-acts to things
13) Insecure
Good:
1) He loves our boys
2) pay's the bills on time (most of the time)
3) cooks dinner for me and has it ready when I get home from work.
4) sometimes has the garage door open for me too
5) Loves cats!
6) likes to go on drives (when he isn't drinking)
7) Gives me money if I need it
8) Supports my art "hobbie" emotionally and sometimes finantually
9) Built us a gazebo, and a storage shed
10) I have known him since we were 4 years old (44 years!)
11) Is good to my mother.
What are your good and bad's?
Acting not reacting
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: My happy place
Posts: 1,788
Good list!! I would have given my right arm to have mine pay even one bill!! Its all perspective, eh? There are surely things he did that others would have seen as deal breakers! Looks like your good and bad are half and half...I'm happy for you that you can still even see the good... 
Member
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: a state of unrest
Posts: 383
I'm happy for you that you can still even see the good...
Good:
Knows how to fix things
Goes to work everyday
Loves our kids
Cleans the snow off my car
ummmmm, moving onto the bad
Bad:
Drinks beer everynight
Spends money we need for other things on beer and cigs
Never paid a bill in his life
Over re-acts to "kid" things
Never cooks dinner
Rarely cleans anything
Knows how to fix my Jeep but won't do it
Paranoid
Insecure
Doesn't want to do anything with me or the kids
Doesn't help kids with homework, etc.
Expects me to manage everything and work full time
Oh how sad
Member
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: Anaheim,CA
Posts: 549
Even tho I want him GONE...my ABF is not all bad. I'll show you my list...yes, I'm giving up some good things but the bad outweigh the good
GOOD
1. He's easy on the eyes.
2. He's faithful about paying half the rent. It's the ONLY thing he pays, but he does it.
3. When he's sober the sex is spectacular.
4. He's smart. Conversations with him, again when sober, are thoughtful and far reaching.
5. He's a good mechanic.
6. He's generally neat.
7. He can be funny.
BAD
1. He lies.
2. He attempts to manipulate me and my feelings.
3. He disappears.
4. He rants and screams during his blackouts.
5. He drinks EVERY day.
6. We have no trust.
7. He can't be trusted not to drink and drive.
8. He tells outlandish stories when drunk.
9. He's content with our life being this way.
10. When the chips are down, I can't count on him.
11. He only wants to work on my car when he's drunk.
12. He acts like a child.
13. He does not vacuum, dust, cook or clean.
14. NO emotional support.
GOOD
1. He's easy on the eyes.
2. He's faithful about paying half the rent. It's the ONLY thing he pays, but he does it.
3. When he's sober the sex is spectacular.
4. He's smart. Conversations with him, again when sober, are thoughtful and far reaching.
5. He's a good mechanic.
6. He's generally neat.
7. He can be funny.
BAD
1. He lies.
2. He attempts to manipulate me and my feelings.
3. He disappears.
4. He rants and screams during his blackouts.
5. He drinks EVERY day.
6. We have no trust.
7. He can't be trusted not to drink and drive.
8. He tells outlandish stories when drunk.
9. He's content with our life being this way.
10. When the chips are down, I can't count on him.
11. He only wants to work on my car when he's drunk.
12. He acts like a child.
13. He does not vacuum, dust, cook or clean.
14. NO emotional support.
May it be
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: A new day. Today I just see bright colors, in the small world of my dreams.
Posts: 384
and here is what I really miss about having him around...
my abf hasn't been here for a while (wonder why???)
the good:
sometimes, (it's been a while) he took out the garbage.
he didn't bother me in the morning, when I wanted to sleep in (oh... well, I do that now, on my own.)
He has cooked a meal or so (in 2 1/2 yrs)
did the laundry maybe twice " " " just left mine folded on the dresser
bought food from grocery (when he had food stamps, is this a good or bad)
didn't smoke
the bad:
he spent way too much money, drinking at the bar every day and/or (mostly and) a big bottle of vodka (1/2 fifth would have been gone in no time) or a quart of beer, after he has been at the bar all evening/ possibly all day.
he never paid a bill (well did get $60 out of him a yr or so ago)
always made a mess, when cooking
the microwave, looked like someone puked in it (oh... did he miss the bathroom sink???)
didn't do his (or any) dishes
left his clothes, wherever
left his dishes, and dirty glasses, wherever
took and took and promised and promised and lied
just made my utility bill go up, when he was around
Oh and here is what I really miss about having him around:
he passes out anywhere, esp when he drank on top of his meds (not a problem now, he can't afford meds)
he falls out of the vehicle
when he up chucks in the sink, esp late at night, while I've been sleeping awhile.
running him around to meetings, because he had to go (his noodles, must not of been done, cause nothing of that sticked)
when he recked of booze
the time he chipped his partial on the side of the sink (but blamed it on a truck accident)
the last $1000 spent on getting out of a dui
the previous $3000 or was it $4000 paying for a dui
did I mention, he spends money on booze, all or most of the day...
the good:
sometimes, (it's been a while) he took out the garbage.
he didn't bother me in the morning, when I wanted to sleep in (oh... well, I do that now, on my own.)
He has cooked a meal or so (in 2 1/2 yrs)
did the laundry maybe twice " " " just left mine folded on the dresser
bought food from grocery (when he had food stamps, is this a good or bad)
didn't smoke
the bad:
he spent way too much money, drinking at the bar every day and/or (mostly and) a big bottle of vodka (1/2 fifth would have been gone in no time) or a quart of beer, after he has been at the bar all evening/ possibly all day.
he never paid a bill (well did get $60 out of him a yr or so ago)
always made a mess, when cooking
the microwave, looked like someone puked in it (oh... did he miss the bathroom sink???)
didn't do his (or any) dishes
left his clothes, wherever
left his dishes, and dirty glasses, wherever
took and took and promised and promised and lied
just made my utility bill go up, when he was around
Oh and here is what I really miss about having him around:
he passes out anywhere, esp when he drank on top of his meds (not a problem now, he can't afford meds)
he falls out of the vehicle
when he up chucks in the sink, esp late at night, while I've been sleeping awhile.
running him around to meetings, because he had to go (his noodles, must not of been done, cause nothing of that sticked)
when he recked of booze
the time he chipped his partial on the side of the sink (but blamed it on a truck accident)
the last $1000 spent on getting out of a dui
the previous $3000 or was it $4000 paying for a dui
did I mention, he spends money on booze, all or most of the day...
Caring for the 3 little bears
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: Oz
Posts: 509
My H is humble. He isn't a know-it-all, that is one reason I fell in love with him. You could say the sky is orange, and he would say, yeah, it does look orange today even though he knew the sky didn't look orange. He doesn't HAVE to be right. And he doesn't have to have the last word.
He doesn't judge people. He accepts everyone as God's child as is, period.
He is a big tipper. I like that about him!
He enjoys taking road trips. Whether its just for a day or for a week, let's load up and go. No worries.
He loves nature... he always sees God's hand in everything... trees, flowers, snow, rain, animals, it is ALL GOOD.
He knows much about art, all different kinds of history, the bible. He can talk to anybody about anything. I admire that about him.
He is very funny. We laugh and laugh and laugh. Sometimes, we both get those uncontrollable giggles where your belly hurts and you get the hiccups... and then you just keep laughing because your laughing and you don't even remember why you're laughing.
He accepts me for who I am. He loves me for who I am.
And, he is a cutie pie too.
The best part about all this, is that my kiddos have a lot of these same qualities. They received those good qualities from him. I am so thankful for that.
The bad could be such a long list I don't know where to begin. I guess I will list some of the top ones...
- Drinks and drives even after an almost tragic car accident where he almost died and our child's intestines, liver and spine were damaged.
- As the disease progressed, has absolutely no motivitation to do anything. Just wants to sit on the couch and watch tv or lay in bed and read or sleep.
- He is an addict and all that that entails. Alcohol became his #1 priority.
So EVERYTHING else in his life and our families life suffered. But not anymore, because I am taking control of MY DESTINATION. If he can stay sober and join me, great. If not, too bad! I hope he can, but my happiness no longer depends on his sobriety.
He doesn't judge people. He accepts everyone as God's child as is, period.
He is a big tipper. I like that about him!
He enjoys taking road trips. Whether its just for a day or for a week, let's load up and go. No worries.
He loves nature... he always sees God's hand in everything... trees, flowers, snow, rain, animals, it is ALL GOOD.
He knows much about art, all different kinds of history, the bible. He can talk to anybody about anything. I admire that about him.
He is very funny. We laugh and laugh and laugh. Sometimes, we both get those uncontrollable giggles where your belly hurts and you get the hiccups... and then you just keep laughing because your laughing and you don't even remember why you're laughing.
He accepts me for who I am. He loves me for who I am.
And, he is a cutie pie too.
The best part about all this, is that my kiddos have a lot of these same qualities. They received those good qualities from him. I am so thankful for that.
The bad could be such a long list I don't know where to begin. I guess I will list some of the top ones...
- Drinks and drives even after an almost tragic car accident where he almost died and our child's intestines, liver and spine were damaged.
- As the disease progressed, has absolutely no motivitation to do anything. Just wants to sit on the couch and watch tv or lay in bed and read or sleep.
- He is an addict and all that that entails. Alcohol became his #1 priority.
So EVERYTHING else in his life and our families life suffered. But not anymore, because I am taking control of MY DESTINATION. If he can stay sober and join me, great. If not, too bad! I hope he can, but my happiness no longer depends on his sobriety.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: Where the sun always shines!
Posts: 1,625
The only thing I miss about myAH living here is having a live-in sitter in the evenings. You know, like if I came home tired I could go in my room and lay down and I'd know he would keep an eye on the kids.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: US
Posts: 316
The good...
He is a good man.
The bad...
He is an alcoholic.
Those are not mutually exclusive.
I love my husband and I also promised to love him in sickness and for poor and in bad times.
The pain that he has caused me was not done to cause me pain. It is a side effect of the pain he is causing to himself.
I have faith in him. For today I have faith that my man is good.
He is a good man.
The bad...
He is an alcoholic.
Those are not mutually exclusive.
I love my husband and I also promised to love him in sickness and for poor and in bad times.
The pain that he has caused me was not done to cause me pain. It is a side effect of the pain he is causing to himself.
I have faith in him. For today I have faith that my man is good.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Pittsburgh, PA
Posts: 261
cup- You got more good than I have..Mine was never home to cook dinner in the past few years..never was home until 9pm on the nights he DID come home..At least once a week, was out ALL Night..don't even know where he was or with who.. Mine isn't capable of paying bills even though he makes way more $ than me..I hope one day I can say what myself again said.....(for now, I don't want to think of anything good cause I can't deal with the bad...
Acting not reacting
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: My happy place
Posts: 1,788
The Good:
He is tall so I can wear tall shoes
He is head turning hot
He is fabulous in bed
He works hard when sober
He seems open to communication most of the time
He knows how to fix things
He asks me whats wrong if I am upset
He protects me from others that may hurt me
The Bad:
He is mean
He is an alcoholic
He is an emotional manipulator
He doesnt know how to dress to save his life
He is a slob
He doesnt help with chores around the house
He is mean to our dog
He drives drunk
He cheated on me
He is insecure
He is too rough with me
He takes too many pills
He doesnt like my friends
He doesnt have his own friends
He calls me names
He has a lousy job
He hardly ever works
He is immature
He is a KING BABY
He is tall so I can wear tall shoes
He is head turning hot
He is fabulous in bed
He works hard when sober
He seems open to communication most of the time
He knows how to fix things
He asks me whats wrong if I am upset
He protects me from others that may hurt me
The Bad:
He is mean
He is an alcoholic
He is an emotional manipulator
He doesnt know how to dress to save his life
He is a slob
He doesnt help with chores around the house
He is mean to our dog
He drives drunk
He cheated on me
He is insecure
He is too rough with me
He takes too many pills
He doesnt like my friends
He doesnt have his own friends
He calls me names
He has a lousy job
He hardly ever works
He is immature
He is a KING BABY
Caring for the 3 little bears
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: Oz
Posts: 509
Day, my "good" list was as long as yours and had many of the same things on it too! Until, he went over the edge. I guess, due to the progressiveness of this disease. He has been drinking about 30 years, and at the 20 something mark, went over the edge big time. Don't know if that man or that nice long list of good will ever come back. I hope it does, for his sake.
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