dixielove

I slipped last night and today I was so filled with shame and guilt. I hate myself so much right now for making my decision. I can't even look at myself in the mirror. I was finally starting to feel better and my memory was improving. Now I went and threw it all away. I don't think I can do this, every time I tried, I have failed. I can't do this, it it stronger than what I have in me. I am an addict of the hopeless variety.

I feel like I have just lost everything that I have worked so hard to build up over the last couple of months.

Is it all in my head that I just threw everything away over my slip or has everything I worked hard for down the drain??

Stephanie

I know how you feel but it is really not as bad as it seems, not if you choose right now tyo start over. It's bad if you continue on a path of relapse but if you had a relapse and you get back on track then it becomes part of your recovery story that may help someone else someday. Try not to beat yourself up too much. Poor me, poor me, pour me another drink.... Get up and gop to a meeting a share about it. You'll be ok just don't lose track of your primary purpose. Don't pick up!!!

Time2Surrender

Dixie,it happens to the best of us.So,dont be to hard on your self.Try and get to a meeting.

In memory of miracle

Glad your back.

ted

Hey Dixie,I've Been There Myself More Than Once.
You Can Do This,Like Was Said Get Right Back Up And Get To A Meeting.
You Do Have It In You,We All Do.
Godspeed.........

Val-light

(((Dixie)))
It's apparent that you're seeking a successful recovery. Maybe it would help you to look at your recovery from a human standpoint. Not one of us is perfect or have reached any level of sobriety without making some mistakes.
Are you setting reasonable goals for yourself? Or are you overloading yourself with unnecessary expectations that are sabotaging your recovery effort? Be ever so nice to yourself at this time. Please try to remember that you are worthwhile just because you exist and work to survive. I'm betting that you have compassion for others when they make mistakes, especially at SR because we are all engaged in the same struggle for survival. Give yourself that same break Dixie. Everything you have worked for has not gone down the drain. Learn from this and forgive yourself.
Val

dixielove

Thanks everyone........... ((((((((BIG HUGS)))))))))) I really needed the words of encouragement tonight because my soul is injured. I will forgive myself and be gentle to me during this time. I will also avoid stressful situations that give me too much of a test at this early stage in the game.

2dayzmuse

Do you have a sponsor Dixie?

HPierce

ok dixie time to pick yourself up and dust yourself off maybe get into the program a lil harder this time and yes do you have a sponsor. i did 90 meetings in 90 days and it truely help me! just think about it. good luck and i'm here if you want to chat ever. time to call is before you pick up that drink !!!

wingsfree

(((((((Dixie)))))))

You're not the hopeless variety, far from it. It's the blasted rotten sickness making you think that way....I know that's what it was doing to me....it's almost like it talks to you. Well your not HOPELESS far from it, your a strong woman fighting an ugly disease, and I'm so happy you posted here. Pick yourself up, that's what we do no matter how many times we need to. I know it hurts like h3ll, it hurts bad, but you're here now, and will continue to get stronger.

Onward we go Dixie, that's what we do.

Sending you lots of love, understanding, hugs and prayers......Denise

Time4Me11

HI Dixie

You are very courageous. It took a lot of courage to talk about your slip here...isn't that all it is? A little slip on a very long journey. Imagine all of the people who have never had to face what you/we are facing, and have never had to dig in and engage that warrior spirit.

Blessings and strength to you. Hey, there was a time when I never even had a DAY 1!

Jupiter2

Hi Dixie,

You are far from hopeless. You posted here and let everyone know. That takes a lot and shows there is great hope for you! As others have said, take it easy on yourself. Try to keep on an hour at a time in the next couple of days and go to meetings as much as possible. Let others in the program or in recovery know where you are and you will receive much support. We have all been there.

Hang in there!

dixielove

And again.......

Time2Surrender

Dixie,just curious.You never mention any type of recovery.Have you ever tried NA?

2dayzmuse

Are you ready to get serious and make some serious changes? If not, everything stays the same or gets worse. Grim but true.

Time2Surrender

Change nothing,and nothing changes. Click here:Narcotics Anonymous It just might save your life,or at least give you one free from drugs and misery.

Time2Surrender

Of course you can.You need to be willing to surrender.Are you wiiling to go to any lengths for your sobriety and happiness?If so get yourself to a meeting and find a sponsor.There is no such thing as an addict of hopeless variety.

ChrisMan

(((Dixie))),

It so very hard to make that post, "Day One again." You made that post and so glad you did. It is so very hard to admit when we've slipped. You need to pat yourself on the back for being able to make this post.

I have had to post that message at least twice recently and felt so very bad about it. But there is so much support here, as you can see. And I want to support you, too. It's going to be okay.

Keep up that connection, both here and at meetings. I have to echo what others have said. You really need to work a recovery program and do it actively -- that is, sobriety is not simply avoiding certain drugs but it is a very positive embracing of a new way of life.

Please keep posting Dixie. I know it has helped me, so I know it can help you, too.



ChrisMan

2dayzmuse

(((Dixie)))

You've been struggling with this for awhile now. You always seem so down and disappointed with yourself when you use. I hate to see you that way. It doesn't have to be that way. How far down are you willing to go? Do something about it now. You know the drill. Start making the changes today. Don't let yourself slip down any further. You can do it. Fight...you're worth it.You've got plenty of support here. Make some phone calls and get to a meeting.

Val-light

Okay Dixie hang in there! Change something up so that you don't relapse again.
Val