Where am I?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: Chaos City
Posts: 605
Where am I?
I seen my H lastnight for about five minutes, it was just affirmation of why I am preparing for the future. I am coming to a conclusion, that I would never have anything to do with him ever and I mean ever If I didnt have to.
The only reason that I have something to do with him, is because of fear or because I am living in my fantasy and pretending all is well by forcing him to participate in a family activity, that I know he really doesnt want to. Which in the end makes both of us miserable, and who knows how bad it really is effecting the kids
I am proud to say, I spend alot more time in reality,
I was having a really hard time living in my reality when I was a child and I still do even though I am an adult.
I learned very young to go into dreamland and that is where I would be okay, I brought that with me as an adult and that is why I always revert back to a fantasy world, the fantasy is my protection, my escape, where things are happy and perfect and where things were okay in my pretend world.
My H needs a substance to get his escape from reality.
I need nothing, I just think myself there, that is pretty frickin scary. Am I in a cloud, a bubble, how did I learn so well to go eslewhere in my mind to protect myself from hurt??????? I have lived in pretend land for to long, but it was my way of protecting me???
The healthier I get, the more of a freak, crazy person I think I was or am. This is deep guys, that is why I need to get my butt to a counselor.
I think I am figuring things out.
The only reason that I have something to do with him, is because of fear or because I am living in my fantasy and pretending all is well by forcing him to participate in a family activity, that I know he really doesnt want to. Which in the end makes both of us miserable, and who knows how bad it really is effecting the kids
I am proud to say, I spend alot more time in reality,
I was having a really hard time living in my reality when I was a child and I still do even though I am an adult.
I learned very young to go into dreamland and that is where I would be okay, I brought that with me as an adult and that is why I always revert back to a fantasy world, the fantasy is my protection, my escape, where things are happy and perfect and where things were okay in my pretend world.
My H needs a substance to get his escape from reality.
I need nothing, I just think myself there, that is pretty frickin scary. Am I in a cloud, a bubble, how did I learn so well to go eslewhere in my mind to protect myself from hurt??????? I have lived in pretend land for to long, but it was my way of protecting me???
The healthier I get, the more of a freak, crazy person I think I was or am. This is deep guys, that is why I need to get my butt to a counselor.
I think I am figuring things out.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Litterbox City
Posts: 5,691
emily - for whatever reason your means of escape was your way of coping. i am finding that out about myself too. i have placed myself in a box that i was in as a child but as an adult have the ability to break out of but still can't for whatever reasons. you are normal and i would venture to guess that there are a lot more of "us" out there then we know.
you are doing great!
you are doing great!
Dancing To My Own Beat
Join Date: Oct 2003
Location: I don't know what kind of state I'm in
Posts: 1,326
I can relate to living in a fantasy. Did it most of my life. I couldn't handle the reality that I was responsible for me, my actions, and my situation. La La land was so much easier, until it started crashing down around me.
It amazes me, too, how we can go just as crazy as an alcoholic, with no booze. And I was convinced I was the sane one. LOL! Hugs, Magic
It amazes me, too, how we can go just as crazy as an alcoholic, with no booze. And I was convinced I was the sane one. LOL! Hugs, Magic
{tap}{tap}...Is this thing on?
Join Date: Jun 2003
Location: Getting There
Posts: 276
Em,
I thought I was in Kansas for a while there myself. The reason I thought I was crazy was because no one else was willing to try things differently, even though the old way wasn't working either! And I thought I was crazy!?!?!?!?
I have learned that my mind will struggle with new things for a bit, b/c like any other muscle it likes the stuff it already knows b/c it is less strenous. Give your self some time to get used to the new way of thinking.
It got easier for me over time, but in the beginning all I wanted was a mental vacation.
Peace,
Petunia
I thought I was in Kansas for a while there myself. The reason I thought I was crazy was because no one else was willing to try things differently, even though the old way wasn't working either! And I thought I was crazy!?!?!?!?
I have learned that my mind will struggle with new things for a bit, b/c like any other muscle it likes the stuff it already knows b/c it is less strenous. Give your self some time to get used to the new way of thinking.
It got easier for me over time, but in the beginning all I wanted was a mental vacation.
Peace,
Petunia
Searching and tripping
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: Back in my head
Posts: 1,194
Hi Emily,
I was really glad to see your post. Years ago, when my husband was deep in life of booze and self-pity, I too had fantasies. I'd totally forgotten about it until I read your post.
My thoughts are that it's a way for us to have something to dream and imagine about. Since we can't get it at home.
Coming here was a great first step to taking back your life and learning how to live in the present and accepting reality. You can do it. Think about attending alanon meetings. Talk to other people, get a sponsor and read the literature.
You'll get your feet planted firmly on the ground and take off running.
Blessings
I was really glad to see your post. Years ago, when my husband was deep in life of booze and self-pity, I too had fantasies. I'd totally forgotten about it until I read your post.
My thoughts are that it's a way for us to have something to dream and imagine about. Since we can't get it at home.
Coming here was a great first step to taking back your life and learning how to live in the present and accepting reality. You can do it. Think about attending alanon meetings. Talk to other people, get a sponsor and read the literature.
You'll get your feet planted firmly on the ground and take off running.
Blessings
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: Chaos City
Posts: 605
That is why my counselor made reference, its bad if you cant remember alot of your childhood.
As a child I was in La, La, Land trying to protect myself from hurting. Is that why I dont remember alot of my childhood, I was off in La, La, land to much protecting myself from pain, that I was not in reality because It just hurts way to damn much?????
La, La, Land dont work for my H, he needs help to get there, isnt that something. I have my pain reliever, as he has his, so you have an alcoholic and a nut case, atleast he has an excuse. I get it!!!!
I am off in my land of no return more than he is intoxicated.
Whewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww, I never drink, but I want one tonight. Bad thing to say here ha...........sorry;(
As a child I was in La, La, Land trying to protect myself from hurting. Is that why I dont remember alot of my childhood, I was off in La, La, land to much protecting myself from pain, that I was not in reality because It just hurts way to damn much?????
La, La, Land dont work for my H, he needs help to get there, isnt that something. I have my pain reliever, as he has his, so you have an alcoholic and a nut case, atleast he has an excuse. I get it!!!!
I am off in my land of no return more than he is intoxicated.
Whewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww, I never drink, but I want one tonight. Bad thing to say here ha...........sorry;(
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