What do you really think of people...
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Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: US
Posts: 316
What do you really think of people...
One of my best friends died suddenly almost a year ago. She had 2 little boys and was 39 years old. She got a cold, then an ear infection, then a brain infection and died 3 days later. It was horrid.
At her memorial service, everyone spoke about her.
It was amazing. She was amazing. And I never told her that I thought she was amazing..
My point...if you have a friend who is amazing... don't wait until death to say it.
At her service I told everyone that she snuggled more with her children than anyone I have ever seen. She inspired me to always pick up my kids whenever they were near me. To always whisper to them that I love them. To always hug those I love. I never told her how she changed my life in that way when she was alive.
I have been thinking a great deal about my friend this week. How much I miss her...how much the lives of her children and husband have changed since her death....how much she would have like to have heard all of those great things that people said about her.
My mission this week is to tell my friends what I really think of them. To tell them how much I appreciate them and give specific examples. It won't be hard, I just need to crawl out of my own little world and do it.
Anyone want to join me???
Jenny
At her memorial service, everyone spoke about her.
It was amazing. She was amazing. And I never told her that I thought she was amazing..
My point...if you have a friend who is amazing... don't wait until death to say it.
At her service I told everyone that she snuggled more with her children than anyone I have ever seen. She inspired me to always pick up my kids whenever they were near me. To always whisper to them that I love them. To always hug those I love. I never told her how she changed my life in that way when she was alive.
I have been thinking a great deal about my friend this week. How much I miss her...how much the lives of her children and husband have changed since her death....how much she would have like to have heard all of those great things that people said about her.
My mission this week is to tell my friends what I really think of them. To tell them how much I appreciate them and give specific examples. It won't be hard, I just need to crawl out of my own little world and do it.
Anyone want to join me???
Jenny
Wipe your paws elsewhere!
Join Date: Dec 2004
Posts: 3,672
I think that's fabuous idea, Jenny. Luckily when my 22-year-old brother was killed by lightening, I didn't feel that there was anything left unsaid. He was the youngest of seven children, and I told him routinely that I loved him. More importantly, I showed him daily with my actions. In fact the last second I spent with him I told him I loved him and he kissed me on my cheek (even in front of his West Point buddies, which was quite an "unmanly" thing to do).
So my last interaction with my brother was one final kiss on the cheek. What a wonderful way to say goodbye. What a wonderful last gift. One thing I did worry about was whether my brother was "OK" leaving his family behind and whether he was in a good place. My mother worried about this, too. So, my mother and I decided to make a special pact that we would share only with each other, so that when one of us died, if it were physically possible, we'd leave a sign for the other that we were OK and we were in a good place. My mother said that when she dies, if it's physically possible, she would place a shoe on my bed to let me know that she's OK. I told her I would do the same. Who knows if this is possible, but it gives us hope that we will be able to let each other know from beyond the grave that we'll be OK.
When my brother died, I asked God to send us a sign that he was OK. My brother was a soccer player. Soccer was his life. And throughout his life, he always wore number 9. On the day of my brother's funeral, my remaining four brothers and my father were pall bearers. Since my brother was killed during active duty, the Army paid for all his funeral expenses, took care of all the funeral arrangements, and even rented suits for my father and brothers to wear. After carrying the casket, one of my brothers reached into his pocket and pulled out a tiny piece of paper. It was the inspection certificate. It read, "Inspected by number 9." So, I asked my HP to send us sign that my brother was OK and in a good place, and this is what I received. It was a final, "don't worry about me sis, I'm OK," and it brought me peace.
Perhaps each of you might consider making a similar pact with your loved ones. A silly little something that will send a clear message from a deceased loved one that all is OK and they are in a good place. Mine is a silly old shoe, placed on top of my bed. What will yours be?
So my last interaction with my brother was one final kiss on the cheek. What a wonderful way to say goodbye. What a wonderful last gift. One thing I did worry about was whether my brother was "OK" leaving his family behind and whether he was in a good place. My mother worried about this, too. So, my mother and I decided to make a special pact that we would share only with each other, so that when one of us died, if it were physically possible, we'd leave a sign for the other that we were OK and we were in a good place. My mother said that when she dies, if it's physically possible, she would place a shoe on my bed to let me know that she's OK. I told her I would do the same. Who knows if this is possible, but it gives us hope that we will be able to let each other know from beyond the grave that we'll be OK.
When my brother died, I asked God to send us a sign that he was OK. My brother was a soccer player. Soccer was his life. And throughout his life, he always wore number 9. On the day of my brother's funeral, my remaining four brothers and my father were pall bearers. Since my brother was killed during active duty, the Army paid for all his funeral expenses, took care of all the funeral arrangements, and even rented suits for my father and brothers to wear. After carrying the casket, one of my brothers reached into his pocket and pulled out a tiny piece of paper. It was the inspection certificate. It read, "Inspected by number 9." So, I asked my HP to send us sign that my brother was OK and in a good place, and this is what I received. It was a final, "don't worry about me sis, I'm OK," and it brought me peace.
Perhaps each of you might consider making a similar pact with your loved ones. A silly little something that will send a clear message from a deceased loved one that all is OK and they are in a good place. Mine is a silly old shoe, placed on top of my bed. What will yours be?
Member
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: Canada.....Eh?
Posts: 54
I think that this is a great idea, I read you post a immediatly called my best friend and told her how much her friendship means to me. My mom's best friend of FOREVER died last year very suddenly, she was a diabetic and I know my mom had a really hard time dealing...she still refuses to sew(that was their thing they would stay up all night drinking tea, talking andsewing.) Very inspriational... Thanks
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Join Date: May 2004
Location: England
Posts: 3,410
Jenny
What a wonderful post.
I'm sorry to hear about your friend - I had a friend that died of the exact same thing almost 3 years ago. It was a terrible way to go. He was a very big guy and I always remember saying to him "If you don't shape up, you'll die before you're 40". Guess I was right, although his size had nothing to do with his cause of death.
I talk to him quite a lot. He was a funny guy and I am often reminded of him through humour. That's a nice way to remember him.
What a wonderful post.
I'm sorry to hear about your friend - I had a friend that died of the exact same thing almost 3 years ago. It was a terrible way to go. He was a very big guy and I always remember saying to him "If you don't shape up, you'll die before you're 40". Guess I was right, although his size had nothing to do with his cause of death.
I talk to him quite a lot. He was a funny guy and I am often reminded of him through humour. That's a nice way to remember him.
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Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: uk
Posts: 3,054
When I was growing up there were lots of people around me who gave me love. I was a kid and I never told any of them what it meant - I wish with all my heart I could now.
I think it's a grand idea to tell people what you think of them. It makes me feel more positive for a start, it's lovely to feel surrounded by people who are real stars - telling them they are makes that seem real.
Someone once told me to never say 'I love you' to somone, instead always say why. Whatever it is that's just made you think 'I love you' pass it on, eg 'I love your kindness' 'I love that you're here for me when I need to talk' 'I loved that you cared for me'. It wan't my idea but it's lovely to do and makes me really happy as well!!
I think it's a grand idea to tell people what you think of them. It makes me feel more positive for a start, it's lovely to feel surrounded by people who are real stars - telling them they are makes that seem real.
Someone once told me to never say 'I love you' to somone, instead always say why. Whatever it is that's just made you think 'I love you' pass it on, eg 'I love your kindness' 'I love that you're here for me when I need to talk' 'I loved that you cared for me'. It wan't my idea but it's lovely to do and makes me really happy as well!!
Dancing To My Own Beat
Join Date: Oct 2003
Location: I don't know what kind of state I'm in
Posts: 1,326
While I was caught up in my own inner turmoil, it was hard to look outside myself and see the world and all the beauty in it. The more I have focussed on my own recovery, the more the world has openned up to me. The more I can communicate with others. It happened without my consciously thinking about it.
That gift was given to me because I let go of my own selfish, self centered thinking and allowed the 12 steps to heal me. Each morning I try to open myself up to the power of life that is all around me. I think that one kind word to one person from me could make a difference in so many lives.
If I am kind to a person I work with, that could make the difference in how they feel today. They might go home and hug their kids tonight. They may feel like making a special dinner for their spouse. They may call their mom just to say hey. Instead of feeling the pressures of their job, they may go home and relax and be at peace with the world.
Kindness is contagious. Hugs, Magic
That gift was given to me because I let go of my own selfish, self centered thinking and allowed the 12 steps to heal me. Each morning I try to open myself up to the power of life that is all around me. I think that one kind word to one person from me could make a difference in so many lives.
If I am kind to a person I work with, that could make the difference in how they feel today. They might go home and hug their kids tonight. They may feel like making a special dinner for their spouse. They may call their mom just to say hey. Instead of feeling the pressures of their job, they may go home and relax and be at peace with the world.
Kindness is contagious. Hugs, Magic
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