emily33

Everytime I save money for myself, in my own account, my h freaks out. I now have $800.00 dollars saved.

He is pulling a stink, about me hording money away from him.

I think I figured out why and I told him so, I told him that he feels insecure about my future decisions that I may make, and you dont know what I am going to do with the money and that scares you. I have control over my child support, that I am now getting on a regular basis, and $50.00 a week out of my work check goes into my own account.

He says he never has any extra money to save for himself.

Even though I take out $50.00 a week from my work check and put it into my own account, my check is still bigger than his by minimum of 130.00 bi-weekly. My point of that was, I am still contributing more to the bills than he does.

I have a question.

If I do decide to leave, and I have this seperate account from him, which 95% of it is child support from my ex husband, would I legally have to split that money I have saved with my H, even though it is monies from my ex for my two older kids?

walkingtheline

If you were talking about HUGE money, 5, 6 or more figures worth, I would say you have a real legal issue. Technically, if you live in a community property state, 1/2 of what you acquire during the marriage is in play.

Now, having said that, the experts always recommend that anyone considering leaving an abusive relationship should have a stash of cash.

Personally, if I had the money saved and made a decision to leave, I would close that account prior to leaving. Have the cash in hand or in a bank check. Use it to flee or to make deposits for a new place or whatever it is you require.

It was child support sent to help support the children. Keeping them safe certainly falls under that heading. I would not worry about his possible right to half.

One other thing. Every budget recomendation always says that each person should have their own money for their own personal needs. Your other half obviously buys his alcohol or substance of choice with some of his, you certainly can provide a safely net for yourself and your children with yours.

Just my opinion!

emily33

He is able to take care of his needs whenever possible, the money that goes into the checking, he has a debit card for and I dont, I have to ask him for gas, or smokes, or pop, or whatever I need. I ask him how much I can spend at the grocery store. He says it is because we have a tight budget and he cant help that. He pays the bills, and anytime I want to take them over I can. Well I want to, but he wont let me. Does that make sense??

He always makes sure I have those things, but thing is I have to ask him for it, or tell him I need gas.

I think it is a control thing for him and this is one thing he has absolutely no control of, unless I give in and give it to him. I am known to break under serious pressure.

rivercitybelle

Don't give in!!! Keep the child support money going right where it is.
I'm sure it is a control issue with him. Can't you order a debit card for the checking account? As for the bills, you can try and sit down with him when he pays them so you can see where the money is going... can you look in the check register?
Since you & he pretty much equally contribute to household in terms of money, you should be aware of where that money goes.... It always concerns me when I hear this... it makes me wonder if he's hiding something he doesn't want you to know about.

walkingtheline

You might want to consider changing your approach regarding this. Perhaps a week before payday say, "Could we sit down and go over the bills that will need to be paid so I'll know how much money needs to go into our household account?" And I would not deposit any portion of my paycheck until that occurs. If he asks, you simply restate your request.

It's a household with two breadwinners. Each should have equal knowledge and say in what gets paid, saved, invested...whatever. A household account is for just that, a household, it should not, in my opinion, become the private domain of just one. And again, in my opinion, if one of the breadwinners is responsible for a particular payment or purchase, they should not need the permission of the other to do so. If you are the primary grocery buyer and you know the amount budgeted for this time frame, you should have unemcumbered access to those funds. If the other half is supposed to pay your electric bill, he should not have to ask your permission to do so.

You're either half of a couple or you're not equal. IMHO

cupowater

Close out that account and put it under a joint account with one of your children, with you as the co-signer. I don't think he can get it then. Check with your bank.

ahcb

Hi,

If an attorney can prove that any money accout was set up in such a way as to keep it away from the spouse, that (in a childs name) will not work..my advice? put it in a safe deposit box.... (or send it too meeee and ill hold it...ya thats the ticket)

JessicaNAJ

As long as that money is in your own account and his name is not on it, I don't believe he is entitled to it. At least that was my understanding when I talked to an attorney about our financial woes.

luv ya girl.....keep growing and stay strong.
(((())))

myselfagain

This is what I did...................
Gave cash to my bestest friend to hold for me.
Had four thousand tucked and NO ONE but the 2 of us knew about it.
It paid for my divorce and then some.
If you are in a community property state EVERYTHING is 50/50, unless you can prove that you had it before marriage.
Take care

FormerDoormat

I agree with what ACHB recommends. Put the money in a safe deposit box in, say, your mother's name. If you worry about something happening to your mother (or whomever you choose), then make sure the money in the safe deposit box is payable to you in the event of the other person's death.

benefits

When I was preparing to leave my husband I started my own savings account and had a couple thousand saved - when he found out about it he had a fit just like your husband. Before I left him I took the money out of the account and had my parents keep it for me and they wrote the checks to pay my bills when I needed the money to pay the lawyer, etc. If your parents are close by maybe that is an option.

CatsTail

Put it somewhere where he doesn't know about it in a another account whatever and don't tell him about it.
Ngaire

gelfling

How about a safety deposit box? Unless his name is on the account, he can't get into it.

cwohio

wow guys - emily i am so sorry you have to "ask" for something that should be yours to begin with. i don't have a suggestion. i guess when i got married there was a little part of me that was not going to give up independence and maybe knew that something might happen. i have my own savings and checking, he has his and we have a very small joint account. he paid his portion (house, taxes, his car payment) and i pay mine (utilities, groceries, my car payment). my car is in my name - i think the only thing that is in both our names is the house - which is paid off. i have no debts other than a few thousand on my car and a bit on one credit card.

i guess what i am saying is - i am grateful that i am in a lot better shape than a lot of folks if the time comes that i decide to end it.

sorry emily - wasn't trying to steal your post!!!!!

Magichappens

Not if you cash it out before you file. Can't split spent money. Hugs, Magic

mushroom

In a community property state, money earned during marriage is community property UNLESS it was a gift or inheritance to one party, then it's separate property. Just putting it away in a separate bank account does not make it separate property. But just aquiring it during marriage does not make it community property either. I would think that money paid as child support from an ex spouse would not be community property but I dont' know. But that 5% that's from your earnings IS community property, definitely, just as his earnings are half yours, your earnings are half his. Fair's fair after all.

The household bills should be paid from a joint account and you should definitely have a debit card for it if he does. You should both be aware of what bills there are and how much there is to pay them. If not ... you got yourself a big problem. A major control issue. You do need to have your own money but it has to be legal too. If you're in a community property state (and you should know your own state laws) anything you earn from wages during marriage belongs to the marriage and would be split half and half on divorce. Earnings from an investment that predated the marriage are not wholly community. Savings brought into the marriage are separate. But most states are not community property and I don't see anything in these posts to tell us if you are or not and I have no clue how non comm prop state laws work.