I've decided...
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: Chesapeake, VA
Posts: 13
I've decided...
...to try and stay sober. First a little about me:
I really started to drink heavily about 3 years ago. The drinking went from once a month to once a week to 3 to 4 times a week. Binged maybe once a month. But even this started to become more frequent. Black-outs, wetting the couch, the whole nasty bit. Then I decided to hit the bar one Friday and got a DUI. The following week was the worst of my life. I had withdrawal sytems Saturday night!!! The shakes and the urge to drink was incredible. But I quit for about 2 months. I thought I had it under control and went to a bar. No DUI this time but driving home that drunk scared the living daylights out of me. What was my solution? Stay home and drink and limit it to Friday!!!! For the past year this is what I've been doing. Every Friday night I'd drink myself nearly to death. Recover Saturday and Sunday. Go to work Monday thru Friday and start all over again. Well, it caught up with me this past Friday. In a drunken stupor I decided to leave my house and go somewhere. I blacked out so I have no idea where I was headed. I had no license, no credit cards or money so who knows. But I had keys and I put my truck in a ditch. Police where there quickly and an ambulance transported me to a hospital. That's 2 DUI's in less than 18 months.
Now I'm scared. I'm scared I won't be able to quit. I'm scared to go back to the AA group I was at for the first DUI. I'm scared to face the same judge because he believed my BS the first time and I let him down. I'm scared my wife will think me less of a man for needing serious help.
But mostly I'm just scared I can't do it. This fear brings tears to my eyes which isn't a pretty sight on a 37 year old man.
I'm going to go back to the same AA group. I never opened up back then but hopefully they'll see it my face when i walk through the door and accept me back.
Please everyone, wish me luck.
I really started to drink heavily about 3 years ago. The drinking went from once a month to once a week to 3 to 4 times a week. Binged maybe once a month. But even this started to become more frequent. Black-outs, wetting the couch, the whole nasty bit. Then I decided to hit the bar one Friday and got a DUI. The following week was the worst of my life. I had withdrawal sytems Saturday night!!! The shakes and the urge to drink was incredible. But I quit for about 2 months. I thought I had it under control and went to a bar. No DUI this time but driving home that drunk scared the living daylights out of me. What was my solution? Stay home and drink and limit it to Friday!!!! For the past year this is what I've been doing. Every Friday night I'd drink myself nearly to death. Recover Saturday and Sunday. Go to work Monday thru Friday and start all over again. Well, it caught up with me this past Friday. In a drunken stupor I decided to leave my house and go somewhere. I blacked out so I have no idea where I was headed. I had no license, no credit cards or money so who knows. But I had keys and I put my truck in a ditch. Police where there quickly and an ambulance transported me to a hospital. That's 2 DUI's in less than 18 months.
Now I'm scared. I'm scared I won't be able to quit. I'm scared to go back to the AA group I was at for the first DUI. I'm scared to face the same judge because he believed my BS the first time and I let him down. I'm scared my wife will think me less of a man for needing serious help.
But mostly I'm just scared I can't do it. This fear brings tears to my eyes which isn't a pretty sight on a 37 year old man.
I'm going to go back to the same AA group. I never opened up back then but hopefully they'll see it my face when i walk through the door and accept me back.
Please everyone, wish me luck.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: western canada
Posts: 1,441
Hey ARW....
Let me welcome you to SR..
We all worry that we won't be able to stay quit...
Drinking... drugs... whatever.
The 12 step program has proved for many years though that it does have the answers.. even for the worst hardcases.
You certainly won't be the first or last to have to go back out and see if the substance is still dishing out the same shyte. I'm so glad your willing to give it another go....
Praying for you...
Let me welcome you to SR..
We all worry that we won't be able to stay quit...
Drinking... drugs... whatever.
The 12 step program has proved for many years though that it does have the answers.. even for the worst hardcases.
You certainly won't be the first or last to have to go back out and see if the substance is still dishing out the same shyte. I'm so glad your willing to give it another go....
Praying for you...
new life
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: cypress tx
Posts: 247
ARW,Thanks you, for your honest post and welcome to S/R, as per quote:
"In a drunken stupor I decided to leave my house and go somewhere"
"That's 2 DUI's in less than 18 months."
This is either a "death wish" or the writings on the wall for "a change"
Man pull yourself together, go to meetings, get help. You have to make the change, take charge and get your life back.
God Bless
"In a drunken stupor I decided to leave my house and go somewhere"
"That's 2 DUI's in less than 18 months."
This is either a "death wish" or the writings on the wall for "a change"
Man pull yourself together, go to meetings, get help. You have to make the change, take charge and get your life back.
God Bless
Member
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: CA
Posts: 307
Hey ARW,
Welcome to SR. You have already taken that first step and that is asking for help. That takes a lot of courage. I had to ask too. I know I couldn't do it on my own and AA was the answer for me. You don't have to suffer like that. If you can get into treatment, that is great. If you can't, just go to meetings and speak up when they ask if there are any newcomers in the room. Ask for a temporary sponsor and do what he says. Keep going to meetings and try to pick up as much as you can. If you work hard at it you will see your life turn around. Mine already has started to and I am new as well.
Hang in there buddy and check out AA.
Welcome to SR. You have already taken that first step and that is asking for help. That takes a lot of courage. I had to ask too. I know I couldn't do it on my own and AA was the answer for me. You don't have to suffer like that. If you can get into treatment, that is great. If you can't, just go to meetings and speak up when they ask if there are any newcomers in the room. Ask for a temporary sponsor and do what he says. Keep going to meetings and try to pick up as much as you can. If you work hard at it you will see your life turn around. Mine already has started to and I am new as well.
Hang in there buddy and check out AA.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: Minneapolis MN
Posts: 404
Welcome
Welcome ARW!
Stick around - there are a lot of nice and caring people here that have all been in rough spots and also wondered how they would ever stop with the booze (including me). I am sure that your AA meeting will take you back without any question - but be honest with them this time!
If you are too worried about it, find another meeting that you feel comfortable at. Feel lucky that you did not get hurt or worse yet, hurt or kill someone while you were behind the wheel bombed.
Good luck!!
Stick around - there are a lot of nice and caring people here that have all been in rough spots and also wondered how they would ever stop with the booze (including me). I am sure that your AA meeting will take you back without any question - but be honest with them this time!
If you are too worried about it, find another meeting that you feel comfortable at. Feel lucky that you did not get hurt or worse yet, hurt or kill someone while you were behind the wheel bombed.
Good luck!!
Agnostic with faith
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: Lisbon, Portugal
Posts: 94
Hello ARW,
It's OK to be scared of a number of things when you've been trough so much. But never be scared of A/A. We're all scared of not beeing able to quit, yet we try. I can't tell about the judge part.
One thing is for certain: your wife can't think of you lesss of a man. She has all the reasons to see you MORE of a man for beeing able and willing to fight such a hard battle. You're not a quiter, you're a fighter.
Figth in peace and you'll win.
It's OK to be scared of a number of things when you've been trough so much. But never be scared of A/A. We're all scared of not beeing able to quit, yet we try. I can't tell about the judge part.
One thing is for certain: your wife can't think of you lesss of a man. She has all the reasons to see you MORE of a man for beeing able and willing to fight such a hard battle. You're not a quiter, you're a fighter.
Figth in peace and you'll win.
In Memory Of
Join Date: Jan 2004
Location: Connecticut.
Posts: 3,736
Welcome ARW
Congradulations on your decision to quit.I was afraid of everything when I first stopped drinking.I was lucky in that I had some faith.I had been in the rooms before and I knew the people there really understood what I was going thru.I let them help me and slowly the fear started to go away.I got to a point at the end of my using,where I could not leave the house.I was paralyzed by fear ! I am grateful and happy to tell you that today,even though I have my moments,I am for the most part, free of fear. I work, I go to school, I attend AA and life is so good.I encourage you to take that leap of faith . Bless, Trish
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