Soul Catcher

I'll try to sum it all up even though it will probably confuse you, god knows I already am. Here's my life in a nutshell. I met my husband at a job and we started dating and yes we both drank. Four months down the road I was pg with our son. When he was two months old we decided to get married. I quit drinking except socially. HE continued drinking. I started to see that his drinking was way out of hand. Mind you, I have NEVER been around drinkers or alcoholics so this was all new. We talked about it and he was going to go to meetings and doctors.....he went to doctors but for painkillers and xanex (found that out later) I got pg with twin girls...His drinking became so bad he lost his job of 7 years....then continued to lose five more jobs. I booted him out when my twins were five months old because he got drunk and "accidentally" hit me. (yea right....a huge black eye) So he's been gone. I have let him visit the kids about 10 times and he STILL comes drunk KNOWING I call the cops and he goes to jail everytime for back child support from a previous one night stand. So I guess here's what I want to know. I cancelled the divorce a month ago (for financial reasons) He has a job that he's been at for three months. Do you think it's ok to cut him off? NO phone calls, not letting him call the kids? Pretty much not letting him have his cake and eat it too. He is going to take half our income to buy an apartment...it ticks me off because he is an alcoholic and has made our lives hell and he will be sitting at his apartment at a pool having his cocktail while I am struggling with our kids..who are 4,3,3. He pays the woman he got pg (while drunk)$1200 a month. His apartment will be $600 plus water,elec,phone, cable...est $800. My bills here are $2400 a month easy. He doesn't make enough to have the apartment but he is going to do it anyway. I haven't worked in 6 years. My son will be going to school and I am trying to get my girls in pre-k, I don't know if they will be excepted, it's low to no income. I get whatever he gives me. He pays our bills for now....I am so mad he is signing a lease. I think he should have a "room for rent" somewhere. He put himself in this mess but yet me and the kids will be the one financially struggling because you bet he will pay his bills first. I feel right now that I don't want to talk to him....AT ALL. He came this weekend so drunk that he stayed an hour because I allowed him to, to see the kids. I would not let him stay. I would have let him stay the weekend but he broke the rule not to drink. Maybe it was his plan. He has called once all pleasant like nothing was wrong (typical). I stay so my kids can have thier home and he does't live here so it's nice. I do not love him and I am no longer in love with him either. In fact...I am ready to start dating. What do you all get from this? Am I nuts? Am I moving on? Can I stop talking to him for a while? I am just burned out. Give me anything you got. Sorry if it's confusing and long.

wraybear

Soul Catcher, sorry to hear of your situation. Here is Kansas, child support is automatically garnished from their paycheck.

Have you seeked legal advice to find out what your options are? Some attorney's will give a free consultation. I would try to find a GOOD one that specializes in family law, recommendations from friends, etc that gives a free consult.

Hope you can find peace soon, sorry i have to run, it is my daughters 19th b-day and guests are starting to arrive, just wanted you to know I saw your post and will be thinking of you and your kiddos!

Take care!

divadawn

Soul Catcher the one thing i thought of while reading was that he is their dad and no matter what he will be a part of your life good or bad. Sucks sometimes but true. As for moving on if you think you are ready then you probably are.

I wish you the best of luck and will keep you and your children in my prayers
Diva

prodigal

I think for the time being it would be best if your children don't have all that much contact with their dad, even though they need a father figure. I don't think it's a particularly good idea to have children exposed to someone who is drunk.

You have a somewhat crappy situation. On the other hand, you have the right to an attorney and you have the right to shelter over your head and a meal on the table. If you have skills that will earn you some $$, you will probably be eligible for government assistance as well.

I'm only giving you my thoughts on the matter as to what you decide to do as to how often you permit the father of your children visitation rights. It's up to the courts to decide that. I have to use several legal databases all day long in my work; however, I am not at liberty to give you legal advice because I'm not licensed in Florida to practice law.

Please consider contacting an attorney ASAP to discuss your legal options - believe me, you DO have options!! God bless you and your children, and take care of yourself and them first!

maggie1958

Soul Catcher, I know things are lousy right now..but yes you are making progress..it takes time...and it's not fun...but will be worth it in the end. Yes you need to find some legal advice...hopefully you can find some low cost or free. I will say the more you help yourself the more people will be willing to help you. I was very fortunate in that. Find a job...even a part time job...even if it doens't pay much...it will get you out of the house and around people...makes it easier to think...at least it does me. If you live somewhere you can take a 20 minutes brisk walk everyday that would help to...sometimes physically tired helps too...lets you sleep better and in turn you can think straighter. As for not letting him see the kids..I don't know...you need legal advice for that one. I will say this about that...don't give him a reason to be mad at you...kill him with kindness...I'm not saying give in to him..but don't argue with him...hold your ground...and don't argue back with him...hard to fight with someone who won't fight back...don't be a doormat...just say what you mean and leave it at that. It takes time...sorry to say a lot of time...but it does get better. This is a wonderful place to talk to people and listen to people....stay in touch with it...and allow God to help you....he will...you just have to help yourself too. Take care and I wish you peace and happiness.

Soul Catcher

Here's the catch 22 situation...On paper my ah makes too much so I can not get govt assistance for daycare. Daycare would cost $200 a week. I would be making close to that so it wouldn't pay off. I have thought of all that. I think I am going to lay low. These kids have had enough at their very young age to have to deal with anther episode again. I decided to stay married to him to stay in this house but I really don't think its worth it. It's HIS house and he's made that clear. I am nothing more to him then a woman who will ruin his life and he knows that. That's the only reason he wants me to stick around. EVERYTHING that comes out of his mouth is such a lie....Love is the big one. He loves his kids but can not stay sober one night to see them. Do people actually have a purpose in life? I think god over looked him. Maybe an experiment that went really wrong. One day my prince will come. I am too young to deal with this crap. Thanks all.

divadawn

(((soul Catcher))) You really are in a tuff situation. I remember saying that exact same thing a few times "I am too young to deal with this crap". I have felt so sory for my kids knowing their dad is an A and I also feel guilt for bringing them into this life and people keep reminding me that i have no control over it. Its just so hard wanting to protect them and the person I protect them from is their dad. Makes me sad, I really do feel for you.

I hope the best for you and your kids and that you can concentrate on your self and them. This disease makes me so angry sometimes and it is so frustrating.
I am sure that what ever you do will be the best for your kids and yourself.

Huge huggs
Diva