EmotionalMeg

Hi again, and thank you so much for all your help...
I am going to look into counselling (for greif and for marriage), and hopefully I can find a little salvation
It's been such a strange day today. My hubby came home right away after work and helped me tear wallpaper off the wall, and restock the freezer... He was a regular handyman and I loved him for wanting to put in the time and effort. We were getting along great, nothing seemed out of the ordinary. He left around 2:30 for an appointment with his D&A counsellor, and he never came back. I was totally shocked (you'd think I'd learn be now). I finally called his cell phone to find out if he'd be home for dinner, and he said"NO". He had been drinking. What the *&%$%!!! For one thing, I get so upset cuz it seems one day like he soooo wants the recovery, and the next he's giving up again! I am really trying hard to "leave it up to him". You know what? I have to make some harsh decisions... This is MY life too and I have had ENOUGH. I love my husband with all my heart, but I cannot waste any more time on his problems. I have got to get myself out of this hole I've dug myself. So, I am probably gonna be the MOST difficult person to live with from now on, but I am only concerned about me. No more "it's OK honey, pick yourself up and try again"... No more "you ARE worth it, you ARE loved, you ARE important..." WHAT ABOUT ME!!! I am worth it too! I hate the fact that every time he drinks he is depressed for 3 days and needs me to "talk to", to "nuture" him... nope. No more.
I am done with all of that... He is REALLY on his own this time. I am thinking about telling him to sleep downstairs.
Grrrrrrr!!!!!!!!
Meg

Ann

Hi Meg

We call that "Hand Off The Addict" behaviour, and it is a big step in your recovery that you are ready to do it. It isn't easy, but it is right. You don't have to participate in his disease.

This all takes practice, but I promise you that the more you let go of trying to change him or getting him to change, the freer your arms will be to hug yourself.

****{MEG}}}

EmotionalMeg

Thanks Faith
In a sense I have been waiting for this feeling. It's like I know how I react to the behavior is wrong, and that I need to ACT on it instead. I can see a light at the top of the hole I've dug... I'm putting on my climbing gear, cuz I am not staying down here!
Meg

Ann

You go girl!!! And we are here with you all the way.

The healing and peace you get with recovery, is worth every moment of the effort you put into it. Something that helps me a lot is to keep some good reading material on hand. It helps me keep my balance when I get shaky.

Good Luck and God Bless

P.S. I'm Ann LOL

Morning Glory

Meg,

Wow you made some real progress here. I'm sorry your hurting. It is really hard to watch someone you love suffer, but it does no good to save them from the consequences. He is grieving, but so are you. You have to protect yourself so that you aren't pulled under. Get those climbing boots on. I prefer the hilicopter myself, but JT insists we climb out of the hole for some reason.

What good is it if two people are stuck in the hole. Your children will appreciate it if you climb out and so will you. We can only hope that your husband climbs out too. I really hope so.

Hugs,

MG

Jamy

Hi Meg, I am a newbie also, and I go thru the same junk as you! It takes them about 3 days post-binge of coddling, stroking, ego-boosting, spoiling, etc to get "themselves out of the funk", and I grow as weary of it and as annoyed by it as you!. Hence, I have stopped the petting, stroking, excessive "its ok, just try harder" pep talking, etc.... I DO NOT PARTICIPATE in his binge by making him feel good about himself after it is over...... I carry on as if nothing has happened and I do not buy into the blue mood and the self-hate. If he is miserable I make myself really busy and keep on keepin on... I still love him and tell him so, but no more excessiveness.... He knows what he has and he knows what his choices are, nuff said.. Doesn't it get old after awhile??? Take care of YOU and do the right things for yourself and your life. If he benefits, goody for him, but don't let him be an emotional vampire, I made that mistake for awhile and almost spiralled into a full-blown depression. I know exactly what you are going thru,and they are hard to love sometimes huh??? LOL, hang in there and remember to take good care of yourself,
HUGS,
J

bonbon

Meg,
I am doing flips for you in my office! The most important thing I have found, is when you actually realize what the A has been doing, and how you have been reacting. It WILL take practice to start finding you again....but she IS in there.....

Moments when the light come on are absolutely wonderful!!!

Good for you!

Love ya!