IWantOut

I am new to this board and have been reading the threads looking for something.....well I guess magical. I know it doesn't exist. I am 3 days off cocaine and know that if I continue down that road I am going to lose everything....my family, my business, my home....everything. So , I guess what I am asking for is some sage wisdom from those of you who have been in my position and have been successful. Where do I start? How do I find the inner strength? What makes one person strong enough and another succumb? Any words of wisdom will be welcome.
:nervous

Jupiter2

Hi IWantOut,

Sounds like you want to quit. That's great! I'm not sure that inner strength will do the trick, though. You will probably need help. Best way to start would be to get to an NA meeting, speak up, and do what they say to do. You will find people there that have gone through what you are experiencing and they will outline a plan of recovery which really does work. In addition to meetings (in my case AA), I have found posting here to be really helpful. Everyone is great here and you will receive much sage advice in short order.

Hang in there and try the meeting!

1_day@_a_time

Decide THIS IS YOUR BOTTOM, and your done. Finished.

Get to a meeting, listen, get a sponsor, do and remember, "Your ego is NOT your amigo".....

Moontime

:wave I'm Moontime and I'm an addict. What was said above has worked for me. My inner strength comes from the spiritual principles that I've gained through working the 12 steps with a sponsor. The strength within me has come because I've built a relationship with a higher power who IS stronger than my disease. I have built relationships with men and women in my area that when I need help they are there for me. I can't do this alone. My disease is much much bigger than my self-will to stay clean. I need to rely on the program,the fellowship of Na and a higher power. I have the inner peace I have always sought. I have a higher power that I developed a relationship with the 2nd and 3rd step. I don't have my past control my life because I did a thorough 4th step. I have learned in 6th and 7th steps that I have spiritual princples or opposites that I can pray and act on so my defects don't cause me to isolate/be resentful/be judgemental. I've done 8 and 9 and got right with my past, the destruction that I have caused. I am free from that guilt/shame today. I take the show on the road today and do daily maintenace in 10 with my inventory. I spend that hour and half in meditating and all day praying to align my will with my HP's. I sponsor men, do H & I, do the phone line, am the secretary of my home group practice these spritual principles in all my affairs, again practice. I have inner peace because the NA soldiers before me told me that if I wanted to change how I felt about life, I needed to do these things..... Get a sponsor, go to 90 meetings in 90 days, get phone numbers and use them, get a homegroup and DO SERVICE!! These are things that have helped get the inner peace today. I'm rising to a point of freedom, thank you!

sherbear5104

I have to agree with the others to go to some NA meetings. At the meetings you will find people who are like you. We live our lives one day at a time, and with the help of a Higher Power. I agree with all of Moontime's suggestions. These are the tools you will need to survive. What I can't do by myself, we can do together. Keep coming here, also. I have made a lot of friends within this community, and they have helped me through some of my struggles. One of my favorite sayings is: Say a prayer, go to a meeting and don't pick up. One day at a time! May God bless you!

Sherry

IWantOut

Looks like the common thread is find help. NA is a good organization, I'm sure but at the moment I don't have a "higher power".....and I know that is part of the program. I have sought spiritual enlightenment for years and have never found it. John Lennon has a song called "God" where after he lists several "Gods" (eg. Jesus, Budda, Bhagavat-gita, Kennedys, Dylan, Elvis, Beatles, etc) he resolves that he just believes in himself....and that's where I am. I have been on my own since I was a teenager and I am the only person I have relied on my entire life. I don't know that I can successfully complete the program because I have been searching for my higher power my whole life without success.

Moontime

I hear ya, My sense of god is just a power greater than me. It's a spirit based out of spiritual principles, an unconditional loving spirit.. It's like the Creator sprit, this universal balance, that I believe in. Spirituality comes from the inside. Religion is beliving in beliefs from the outside ie...the cross, torah, koran, jesus etc...taking things from the outside to fix inside. . Where as the spiritual program known as NA is working on things from the inside, that this god that I believe in is within me and you, and everyone on this site. I used to get spirituality and religion twisted when it came to the god word. They chose the god word for NA, because it is universally accept as a higher power by most people. My suggestion would be to try something different if you want to change. Nothing changes if nothing changes. I'm not trying to enforce what works for me, but just so you know I had a hard time dealing with the word god. If there was a god how could he have let someone sexually abuse me as a kid? How could he allow the emotional abuse I took from my stepfather to happen? I hated god, but it wasn't god that did these things, it was people who did these to me.

IWantOut

Thanks Moontime....I understand exactly where you are coming from. I know change has to happen in my life. I have only been clean since Monday and I feel so much better today but I know I need to help to keep this up. If it's NA or somewhere else I find to help me, I am going to let this journey take me to a better place....for me and for my family. Your advise is appreciated greatly.

Jhana

Welcome IWantOut,

Think community here. NA is a community of people who have experienced much (and probably all) of what you are going through. Make that community your "higher power" for now, go to a meeting, introduce yourself and miracles will start to happen. By the way, I don't know anyone who has "completed" a 12-step program. It's today, and the path you are on that counts. Cocaine didn't get you where you wanted to be; try the other route: no cocaine, and let NA be your guide.

Good to have you on SR,
Gianna

In memory of miracle

I have been addicted to your DOC and have been clean for awhile.I dont do it alone.I have a recovery program that works for me.If you really want to get clean you can,one day at a time. Bless,Trish

blitz

Don´t go DOWN the road and loose everything. Take gianna's advice and keep posting. All that can be of help.
Concerning the Higher Power, I go with moontime and you. No self-conscious beeing could make us go through this horryfing disease.Trust yourself and listen to the help of N/A. Your family, your bussiness, your home are onnly part of your Higher Power.One Half-Hour at a Time.

IWantOut

Thanks everybody. Your advice has helped. Today I am 1 week clean and feeling pretty good. I'm working on finding a local meeting and/or support. Thanks again.

IWantOut

I had a MAJOR stumble last night....drinking, drugging.....the whole nine. I knew I was going to mess up as soon as I left the house. My wife inadvertently enables me(not that I'm blaming anyone but myself)...I left under the pretence of going to the store last night at 9:30 and I walked in the door this morning just as the alarm clock went off....I told her I fell asleep on the sofa. She is such a sweetie but I sometimes wish she was a little more watchful of me. I have been out at 4am and she has called me. I told her I was at the beach thinking.....and she takes my word for it. I know if I keep this up I will lose her as well as my two precious boys and all that I worked so hard to build......someone help me, please.

Time2Surrender

Get to a meeting! Dont worry about the higher power thing.Lots of people come into NA with the same feelings about a Higher Power.

Moontime

I'd say the disease has you in it's grips right now. Go to a meeting ASAP.

In memory of miracle

http://www.ca.org/ Narcotics Anonymous Official Homepage -
http://www.na.org/

Jhana

Hi IWantOut,

Habits of any kind are hard to give up, and medicating oneself against life is one of the hardest. Until a different kind of behavior seems normal it is so easy to slip back into the old ways. Meetings (especially if you put out your hand and introduce yourself) are the jumpstart way of getting yourself into a new healthier pattern.

It is 10 days now for me without a drink (after many years of sobriety, and a lot of years of back and forth). I have to attribute those 10 days to conciously changing my community from the bar to AA. In the long run I need to do some hard work on myself (using the SMART tools) but I couldn't begin that till I had some sober time.

Let the people at NA help you. There is nothing like a face-to-face friend who can say: "Been there, done that, now let me help you start on a better path."


Feelin' for you,
Gianna

IWantOut

I have a feeling that I am going to need to remove myself for my environment for a while. It has been too easy to make a call or have a "friend" call me to see what I'm doing.....before I know it there I am....doing the same old stuff. I just don't know how I'll manage but I know what the right thing to do is.....it's just a matter of doing it.

2dayzmuse

Unfortunately, it usually takes something bad to happen to jolt us into action. You know, wake us up to reality. I always thought "I'll quit tomorrow", but tomorrow always came and went and I continued with my familiar ways because I thought I could get away with it. I knew I wanted to quit (drinking), but never had a pressing matter to make me do so. Then the other shoe dropped and it was to late. The damage had been done. I couldn't repair it. Don't wait until it's to late. Do something about it now. You need to arm yourself with tools to combat the "same old stuff". Nothing will change unless you make changes in your environment. Get to a meeting. NA will help you make those changes by giving you guidelines to follow. Good luck...

Ama

Sometimes there is only up, but the first steps and seem sideways and even backwards. But one day at a time, and with the help of other addicts we can and do make it.

Alas not all; alas not on our first attempts perhaps, no matter how genuine our quest for sober living is. But every moment we seek recovery instead of substance abuse, is healing time under our belts.

And it gets more and more difficult to abuse or use when we fill our heads with the seeds of recovery so that our beauty as whole persons can be revealed.

I have yet to meet an addict who has blossomed whilst using......I never did and that is for sure.....

It is so good to wake up clear headed......and every clear day is a gift we bestow unto ourselves. No-one else can do it for us and yet we cannot do it alone.

Keep posting and reading threads. Get to meetings and meet others in recovery as this is a powerful aid to sobriety. As it is in sobriety that we learn how to recover one day at a time......


Luvs and Recovery Ama