afraid to face him
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: memphis tn
Posts: 10
afraid to face him
My AH will be home for the first time in a month this Saturday, (if he makes it he gets his final pay Friday) and I am afraid to face him, I want to see him and talk to him but I still feel so hurt after this last bout of him using and finding out about the sex, knowing he has been with other people men and women for sure (in the past I have always thought but pushed it out of my mind for lack of evidence) I feel afraid of how I will react, if he will understand my hurt because the usual attitude is well thats your problem I am with you now arnt I? making me feel like I am the insane one. I am also so angry that he lost his job again. He is so good at manlipulation and lying that I get so confused. I dont know if I want him to touch me but then I want him to hold me so much it hurts. I know I am rambling on but I feel desperate.
Member
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Birthplace of Rock & Roll, Home of the Blues
Posts: 233
It's what addicts do
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ad.php?t=39699
Not a pretty picture, but a realistic one. Given that you KNOW he's had unprotected sex, I would be REAL careful and cautious.... you don't need a lifetime reminder of his bad judgement. You DO deserve better and you DO deserve to be treated with respect. So do the kids!
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ad.php?t=39699
Not a pretty picture, but a realistic one. Given that you KNOW he's had unprotected sex, I would be REAL careful and cautious.... you don't need a lifetime reminder of his bad judgement. You DO deserve better and you DO deserve to be treated with respect. So do the kids!
Barely There
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: Adelaide Sa
Posts: 39
Oh AW - I don't know what to say.....
Just believe my thoughts and prayers are with you and you deserve so MUCH more out of life than this anguish and worry.
My AH also has a very overactive libido and claims he can not control it (doesn't stray, used to emotionally blackmail me all the time) but I think it's all a load of u-know-what!
Love and intimacy should come hand in hand or it's not intimacy at all - just a physical exercise. My AH's obsessions have left me with very little sex drive and I won't let him touch me anymore. I can barely look at him as a husband anymore.
I used to wish he would just hold me - then I realised I wanted ANYBODY to hold me - it was just that he's my Hub so I thought it should be him.
I am still not quite out the door but headed there step by step. Please put your HEALTH and needs first - why shouldn't he work like a dog to earn your affections???
Food for thought.....Best , best wishes to you...
Aud.
Just believe my thoughts and prayers are with you and you deserve so MUCH more out of life than this anguish and worry.
My AH also has a very overactive libido and claims he can not control it (doesn't stray, used to emotionally blackmail me all the time) but I think it's all a load of u-know-what!
Love and intimacy should come hand in hand or it's not intimacy at all - just a physical exercise. My AH's obsessions have left me with very little sex drive and I won't let him touch me anymore. I can barely look at him as a husband anymore.
I used to wish he would just hold me - then I realised I wanted ANYBODY to hold me - it was just that he's my Hub so I thought it should be him.
I am still not quite out the door but headed there step by step. Please put your HEALTH and needs first - why shouldn't he work like a dog to earn your affections???
Food for thought.....Best , best wishes to you...
Aud.
Member
Join Date: May 2004
Location: England
Posts: 3,410
Oh, addictswife, I am so sorry to hear that you are having to deal with this. You must be emotionally exhausted.
Can I just ask what are you getting out of this relationship? You deserve so much more than what this guy seems to be offering.
(((hugs)))
Minnie
xxx
Can I just ask what are you getting out of this relationship? You deserve so much more than what this guy seems to be offering.
(((hugs)))
Minnie
xxx
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: memphis tn
Posts: 10
Thanks everyone
Minnie I dont know what I get out of this relationship, most of the time I feel like a dog begging for a scrap of affection. He thinks that I should just have to deal with the problem as a grown up????? he thinks I act like a child because I cry. I read the what addicts do sticky and I still cant get it though my head!!!!
Minnie I dont know what I get out of this relationship, most of the time I feel like a dog begging for a scrap of affection. He thinks that I should just have to deal with the problem as a grown up????? he thinks I act like a child because I cry. I read the what addicts do sticky and I still cant get it though my head!!!!
Dancing To My Own Beat
Join Date: Oct 2003
Location: I don't know what kind of state I'm in
Posts: 1,326
Hi addictswife,
Have you gotten support from an Al-Anon group? I know the pain of living in active addiction, and until I sought help and recovery for myself, my life, thoughts, and actions depended on the addict in my life.
It doesn't have to be that way. There are people who are overcoming the pain, frustration, fear, and anger. They helped me to work through and overcome mine.
If you are sick and tired of being sick and tired, it may be time to reach out and find the love and healing YOU deserve. I hear there are some very good Al-Anon meetings in Memphis. Hugs, Magic
Have you gotten support from an Al-Anon group? I know the pain of living in active addiction, and until I sought help and recovery for myself, my life, thoughts, and actions depended on the addict in my life.
It doesn't have to be that way. There are people who are overcoming the pain, frustration, fear, and anger. They helped me to work through and overcome mine.
If you are sick and tired of being sick and tired, it may be time to reach out and find the love and healing YOU deserve. I hear there are some very good Al-Anon meetings in Memphis. Hugs, Magic
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: memphis tn
Posts: 10
sick and tired is an understatement
Magic
I am going to al-anon and they are helpful, apparently there are no nar-anon meetings in Memphis, which is so strange because I know the drug use here is huge. Al-anon though have made me welcome. I am sick and tired of it all I am even sick and tired of hearing myself saying I cant cope, I'm tired, I'm sad, I'm lonely, I can only imagine how everyone else feels about my gloomy gus attitude. I try to snap out of it, but its been years getting to this so I am not expecting an overnight cure. I am still so scared of seeing him, I dont know why he is so emotionally challenged amongst other things. The only time I ever hear anything positive is when he thinks I am asleep and he kneels by the bed and tells me he loves me and he is sorry etc, the minute I pretend to wake up he says he was looking for something. on the floor. Three years ago he was in rehab telling everyone that he couldnt imagine making love to anyone else ever again, obviously he didnt mean sex because he is with everyone he can be. I want so much to hate him, or even better not feel anything for him but I love him so much and I hate myself for that
I am going to al-anon and they are helpful, apparently there are no nar-anon meetings in Memphis, which is so strange because I know the drug use here is huge. Al-anon though have made me welcome. I am sick and tired of it all I am even sick and tired of hearing myself saying I cant cope, I'm tired, I'm sad, I'm lonely, I can only imagine how everyone else feels about my gloomy gus attitude. I try to snap out of it, but its been years getting to this so I am not expecting an overnight cure. I am still so scared of seeing him, I dont know why he is so emotionally challenged amongst other things. The only time I ever hear anything positive is when he thinks I am asleep and he kneels by the bed and tells me he loves me and he is sorry etc, the minute I pretend to wake up he says he was looking for something. on the floor. Three years ago he was in rehab telling everyone that he couldnt imagine making love to anyone else ever again, obviously he didnt mean sex because he is with everyone he can be. I want so much to hate him, or even better not feel anything for him but I love him so much and I hate myself for that
Dancing To My Own Beat
Join Date: Oct 2003
Location: I don't know what kind of state I'm in
Posts: 1,326
You don't have to hate yourself for loving someone. In fact, you don't have to hate yourself at all. Living with addiction is painful. We do what we have to to survive. We develope coping skills that protect us. At the time, we can't see that they are also destroying us.
If we could "snap out of it" we wouldn't need help. Something I read when I first got to Al-Anon helped me a lot. It said that we couldn't heal ourself, no matter how hard we tried. But when we became willing, God could heal us.
I know it's painful right now. I know it's frustrating. But time and willingness can bring us serenity and hope. Just remember that you aren't alone. Hugs, Magic
If we could "snap out of it" we wouldn't need help. Something I read when I first got to Al-Anon helped me a lot. It said that we couldn't heal ourself, no matter how hard we tried. But when we became willing, God could heal us.
I know it's painful right now. I know it's frustrating. But time and willingness can bring us serenity and hope. Just remember that you aren't alone. Hugs, Magic
Member
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Litterbox City
Posts: 5,691
((addictswife)) - i am so sorry you are feeling bad. magic always shares the best stuff. some of us (not only addicts) have a hard time communicating face-to-face - i know i do and it something i need to put extra work into. i have lots of feelings - good and not so good - that i just can't seem to spit out so i either don't say anything or sometimes it's easier to write them on paper and share them. that may be part of his problem or it may be that he feels guilty and doesn't want to look you in the eyes.
just know we are all here for you! hugs - chris
just know we are all here for you! hugs - chris
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