queenofthehwy

H is being so very nice to me lately. We went out on Saturday and for the first time in well as long as I can remeber we didn't fight.

We have been going to marriage counseling and it's been going really well. I know he is still drinking but now he is being so nice. Don't get me wrong I love that we are getting along so well, but I know if he doesn't deal with the drinking it's all going to be back to normal again.

I almost feel like he is just doing this to keep me quiet. I feel bad for second guessing his intentions but it just seems too good to be true. How long can he keep up the act and I truley believe that's what it is, an act and soon we'll go onto act II and so on and so on.

Mindi

prodigal

Interesting you should see your AH's niceness as an "act" in light of the fact that Al-Anon has a pamphlet that talks about how living in an alcoholic environment is like an act and everybody has their own parts as actors in the merry-go-round play. I think you made a very astute observation in saying you think he's being nice to keep you off his back. It also works in keeping the counselor off his back. I married the quintessential "nice guy" according to everyone - and they told me just that when we were first introduced. "Oh, you're SOOOO lucky - C. is such a NICE GUY."

It wasn't until after one of his detox counselors called me to discuss what was going during group sessions and he mentioned my AH was "one slippery character", that I began to realize that playing nice-nice is a great way to keep people from hassling you, or from having to take responsibility. Just stir up the pot, toss in some drama, and then stand back and be "nice" and "polite." I watched my AH do it during marriage counseling and I thought I was going to need a barf bag! He would give polite, yet vague responses, and he managed to stall the discussion on his drinking until the sixth session and at that point he never showed up for counseling again.

Nice .... polite .... noncommittal .... and MASSIVELY avoidant of life's reality. Yep, I think you've pegged your AH correctly! (Just my opinion, mind you ...)

zoe

"I know if he doesn't deal with the drinking it's all going to be back to normal again."

This statement made me pause. There is nothing normal about alcoholism.
My thoughts are with you.
Hugs Zoe

queenofthehwy

After I read this I had to laugh at myself...normal???? Okay I guess what I was trying to say was back his normal usual way of treating me, which is anything but normal. But you guys know what I mean right????

cupowater

YEAH! My AH has been doing the SAME thing ever since he read my posts! I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop too!

cupowater

OH, and Queen, I know EXACTLY what you mean! I said the same thing to someone asking me how thing were after his "reading" and I said they were back to "normal"! That is "funny" how we refer to their drinking as "normal"!

JessicaNAJ

I know what you mean....lol

I have to agree with prodigal....In my own experience, my AH was always good at pulling to wool over peoples eyes.

I would love to say to you that maybe this is a new beginning for him, but I think I woud only be filling you with hope instead of reality. Take it one day at a time and keep your eyes open.

I would trust your instincts, but enjoy the peace while you can.

(((())))