bluester

Never feel like you have a split personality?
Between my family and friends...I am going nuts! Reason is my family want me to leave my AH. Friends I have say..what a nice bloke..my AH is. I am lucky to have him. Couldn't do much better then him. Friends tell me AH cares so much for me..they can see how much he loves me. Family think of the heartache and trouble he has left. Plus the police record. So I feel as if I am stuck in the middle of a bad stituation. Know I have to do what is best for me...but don't want to loose family or friends. My family and I aren't that close..but they are still family. I have had this set of friends for over 20 years. I am not an angel and am not perfect by what I have done with my life..but think I deserve a little bit of true happiness. This is my second marriage. The last one did not involve alcohol. I was tired of ex messing around on me. Met my now H over the internet and thought the grass would be greener on the other side. Left my ex and married this H. It was a rebound stituation. Thought I couldn't live without this man. Now six years on...I know I have made a huge mistake. Being single has its drawbacks,but think I could find ways of coping with them. Like getting a pet. Would love to have one here..but AH says...No Cat...as he hates them. We can not have dogs or birds because of lease agreement.
I am 50 years old and just trying to make up mind on how I can make it alone. The fear factor plays a big part in this for me. Hate the thoughts of starting over. At my age I should be a Grandmother..babysitting and spoiling the babies. Not making major decisions on how to make it through old age.
Okay,I am done quacking.

Sophia57

Hi Bluester
First thing - (((hug)))
Second thing - 50 is NOT old! You have lots of great years ahead of you. 50 is the new 40, you know!
I lived alone for many years and while it could be lonely at times, there were some great bonuses. Like doing what you want when you want. I had a cat which was better company than a lot of people (family included) I've known. You do have to work harder at making a social circle for yourself, but there's lots out there.
I'm no expert, but I suppose you need to decide what would make you happy, and take care of you. It must be so hard being pulled in different directions by all these people.
What does your instinct tell you?
Love
Sophia

JessicaNAJ

Put aside what everyone else is telling you - Close your eyes and listen to your heart - what is it telling you? THAT is all that matters. What you want!!

I think you just answered yourself.

If your friends and family really love you, they are going to be there for you no matter what you decide. They do not know what goes on behind closed doors. People have a habit of only seeing what is on the surface, you are the only one that knows the full truth of your situation and the only one who can make the decision.

(((())))

cupowater

You CAN live on your own! I have done it, and if I could do it again, I would! You are your own boss. No ones stuipd habbits, moods or mess to deal with. And you will find something to fill up the time! New friends. I will tell you something. When my X and I split up, I found out who my "friends " were! One of my best friends who I met when I was TWO, didn't even come to my apartment for FIVE months, and that was just because she knew my boyfriend (who was black. I'm white) was there, and she wanted to get a peek at him! He stayed in the other room watching football the whole time and refused to come out. He is not a show and tell! She only lived 3 miles away from me!!!!! I learned how to love myself, and to love to be with myself and like it! One day at a time. Do right by yourself, and be honest with yourself and those around you, and all will fall into place!

minnie

Bluester, honeybunch, take a deep breath.

This is not about anyone else, this is about what YOU want. Surely your friends and family want you to be happy? So, they'll just have to trust you to make the decisions that will make you happy. If they don't like it, that says a lot more about them than about you.

Just out of interest, do your friends know what you've been through with your AH? Just puzzled about what they say about him.

In the words of Dr Phil, get excited about your life. Please don't settle for less than you deserve.

Love

Minnie
xxx

walkingtheline

don't tell me 50 is old...hahaha...I waved that birthday goodbye a while back!

Family may be family and friends may be friends but you need to like who you see in the mirror...and know that person deserves happiness. I think you should follow your heart and your brain...not what others say.

Make the steps that are right for you.

EndOfRoadWife

Sometimes though we can love people that are toxic to us... (So, that's just a thought)...Co-dependency...Its hard to break away...My heart loves my AH and my brain tells me to move on...Sick of having my heart broken..