Starr

Awhile back I decided not to pick up the beer cans anymore. I mean, it is his mess why should I have to clean it up. Thus we have cans and boxes all around our front porch. Every now and then, he cleans it up, but it gets bad. I thought maybe by him seeing it, he'd realize just how much he does drink. I wonder, tho, what people must think like when they drop off my daughter. Do you clean up after him?

escape artist

i tell him to pick up his %^(&* cans!

minnie

No, I wouldn't clear up after my ex. I too got annoyed that I had to clear up after him, but then I realised that it was ME who wanted a tidy house - he obviously wasn't bothered about empty bottles. So, I would leave the empties on his desk for him to deal with. That way, I was having a tidy house but he has to do something about the actual disposal.

I got to the stage when I was going to start putting them in his car instead, but then decided it was better that he move out altogether. That solved the problem.

JennyK

Yes, I cleaned up after him. ONLY because I did not want my children exposed to beer cans everywhere. I never cleaned his office, car or garage. Just the areas that were exposed to the public...telling eh?

Jenny

JessicaNAJ

I booted my AH to the garage. I was the same as Jenny, i didn't want my kids exposed to that mess. Plus, it would have been to easy for one of them to pick up and half empty can and drink it.

elizabeth1979

I cleaned up after mine, mostly becuase I hated the remineder of his problem. I thought if the cns and bottles werent out, it wasnt happening. Denial! Or I thought he had enough on his plate to worry about picking up. Its amazing how when he started hiding it from me, how he was able to pick up though!

walshie

My ignorant, selfish, drunken idiot husband (what I meant to say was "AH") can't even go to bed without taking a beer in there with him. (That's just his bedtime beer -- in addition to the 8 or 10 he's already had by this time.) As it's come to sleeping in separate bedrooms, he leaves his cans all over the floor, with half of them spilling over onto the carpet. That's in addition to his plates of food. I tried in the beginning to set a good example by asking him to bring his dishes and cans into the kitchen and even got him a garbage can for his bedroom which he doesn't use. I used to crush his beer boxes and put them in garbage bags but what good does it do to hide it? I thought too if I just threw them out with the trash he would see how much he drank each week. Well, that doesn't phase him either. He calls himself a functional alcoholic because he works and claims his drinking doesn't interfere. Even with a small son who will be learning to walk soon, that doesn't even seem to concern him enough to pick up his mess so the baby doesn't get into it. Anyway, I just also wanted to say that I am new here and this has been the best site so far that I've found. So many of you share the same problems I do and it's just nice to know we're not alone!

drgnfly30

It must be a beer thing... My AH drinks straight whiskey & usually puts his bottle up before bed... I think he's ashamed to leave it out in front of the kids.. (duh like they don't realize he's a drunk!) However, he ALWAYS eats before bed & usually leaves me with a complete mess... and yes, I'm torn about cleaning it up.. there is nothing grosser to me than a messy kitchen but I want him to SEE what a mess he makes!!!
Christine

Starr

I hate the beer can mess, but should I clean up after him when he should be doing it himself? Or because it bothers me, should I just clean it up? I also quit cleaning up around his chair and end table in the living room because everyday he'd just leave stuff there. That was about 3 months ago and it is buried in tools and coats and cans and caps and a sleeping bag, fishing pole, and anything imaginable. When people come over I just say, that's his space. I try to ignore it, but it looks really bad with the mess. Lately, it has really been bothering me but do I go back to cleaning it up and then picking up the area daily? Ah, this is the least of the problems, but bothersome just the same.

JennyK

Think about doing what is best for you. If the mess is making it more stressful then clean it up. You tiding your house will have no impact on his drinking one way or the other. Don't put your energy into trying so hard NOT to make your home a pleasant place to live. Making a "point" with an alcoholic is pointless...they don't get it.

Jenny

walshie

I just had to laugh at that! It is sooooooo true. I have done many things to "make my point" and it never phased him!

cwohio

ditto for me - look how much time we have wasted - you know - the old brick wall?

LovingMom

When SonnyBoy was at his height or should I say lowest point..he was leaving cans and ashtrays and general mess all over the place. His room, the garage and the back porch were his places where he thought that I wouldn't notice the smell and the grossness of it all. Well I did...and after me not cleaning up after him for a little while (a week maybe)..the mess was totally gross...So as his loving and caring mother...and the owner of the house to boot...I gathered all that mess up...cans..many with some left in...overflowing ashtrays....and all his general mess and DUMPED it dead-smack in the middle of his bed.
When he came home and saw and believe me..SMELT that...he was livid...but so was I.

I guess you could say I won that round. He did have to clean his room after that mess. Of course, I am the "moron" for doing it right?!?!? According to him I was...but did he not remember (like I did) that he has a light plastic mattrass protector? Guess not...I was indeed smiling to myself that whole day that he did his laundry and vacuumed his space.
Mean? probably...but I don't care. I feel good even now about it..just telling someone else. LOL

myselfagain

and then would hide them up in a cabinet. One day I came across them as I was up on a chair looking for something. In a really loud voice I said "What is this"
Of course he came to look. I threw every one of them on the floor and told him "We throw trash away, what the hell." All while he was picking them up and telling me "stop stop, I can take them out a few at a time" Needless to say I didnt stop.
Never found anymore up there.
Twice he passed out in the bathtub with the water running. I was awoken at 3 a.m. to find my downstairs flooded. I went in the bathroom, turned the water off,splashed water in his face to wake him up and I took him "Now get your as- downstairs and clean up the mess, I'll call the insurance company in the morning.
Once one of the kids woke me up because the house was full of smoke, he was cooking when he passed out. After that I told him " NO cooking after 9 p.m., if you dont eat by then you dont get to" He didnt and i didnt get woke up again with smoke.
Damm, I'm glad I am done with that kind of stupid sh=it !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

JessicaNAJ

Throw a sheet over it. I wouldn't pick it up. Or...maybe you can through all the stuff in the front seat of his car. (that was bad)