JessicaNAJ

AH came over yesterday to spend time with the kids - I will not allow him to take them with him even if he says he hasnt' been drinking.

Last night when he was leaving he said he was thinking about coming over today - again. I told him to call.

I feel like he's up to something, but then again - it could be that he just misses his kids.

His "good" behavior is confusing me.

FormerDoormat

Hi Jess:

I find that when I ignore my inner voice, it's usually not in my best interest. If you feel your AH is up to something, your inner voice is speaking to you, so here's a good chance he is. The fact that you're fully aware that he's up to something will make it more difficult for your AH to try and manipulate you. I've learned to always trust my inner voice, it always seems to steer me in the right direction.

JessicaNAJ

He just called and told me he was coming over. I should have caught this last night. He needs to quit assuming its okay to come over and start asking me if it is ok. I probably would have said it was okay anyway, but still, that's just common courtesy. Ya know?

FormerDoormat

I agree with you, Jess. Looks like he's trying to weasel his way back into your life on a daily basis. It's best to take control of this situation and set some boundaries for youself. If I were in this situation, I'd tell hubby that he must call first to determine if a visit from him will fit into my schedule and it's unacceptable for him to simply invite himself.

JessicaNAJ

I agree - I'll have to be a little more alert next time and see this coming.

He was here for a whole hour. I asked him exactly what his purpose was for coming over. He said to spend time with the kids / for an hour? He did play playstation with our son and let my daughter crawl up on his lap a little bit. But when I started getting stressed b/c of too much comotion, it seems, he decided to leave.

I asked him what his plans were for the evening. He said he was going to go home and maybe read his book. Maybe get some peace of mind or something.

He showed up in a good mood, kinda left all gloomy.

I don't really expect more from him than he can offer - but to spend only an hour with the kids. It don't seem right to me.

Dee at Mt Bully

I agree that you should listen to the little voice and set some boundries--just
spending an hour with his children sounds suspect to me--maybe I'm to sceptical
but if he really was coming over for his kids I would think he would spend more time with them---Huggs and prayers--Dee

ahcb

hey all

"He showed up in a good mood, kinda left all gloomy."

Showed up-seeing kids-happy
leaving not seeing them--gloomy

If i "had to go" see my kids, it would make me gloomy to....
Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar...

JessicaNAJ

I'm not sure I understand your post ahcb.

Wouldn't you be excited to see your kids? It's because of his getting drunk and passing out while watching our three year old, driving drunk with her in the car, and not waking up in time to get our son from school that he can't see them more on a daily basis.

Maybe he was "gloomy" because he didn't get out of what he expected?

I was getting overwhelmed b/c while i was folding laundry, my 3 yr old kept hitting my 9 yr old in the head with a toy so he was hollering at her and hitting her back, he was playing playstation in the living room on one TV while I had 101 Dalmations on for her. I muted the TV, told him to turn the volumn down on his playstation.... and walked outside to cool off.

That is when he decided to leave. It seems when the going gets tough, he gets going.....

zoe

You said he was playing with your son so he was interacting with at least one child, correct?
He left after you got stressed and had to walk out to cool off. While this was probably not the correct response(I'm assuming you wanted him to help with the situation) I am guessing he left because maybe he did not want to upset you further. Could this be possible?
Zoe