Heavenly

Current Status: I'm 32 years old. I have a 3 1/2 year old boy. I have been married for 7 1/2 years. We have been separated for 20 months. My husband has finally moved on and wants me to let go and move on myself. I am hanging on for dear life clinging to the hope that a miracle will happen and we will work it out. I blame myself, because I asked him to move out a 1 1/2 ago, due to the fact that we started fighting all the time in front of our son, and last November I filed for legal separation. He just took his ring off the day I gave him the legal separation. I'm such a hypocrit, because I haven't worn my ring since he moved out.

I grew up with a single alcoholic mother. She has been married and divorced 3 times. Several men came and went in her life over the years, all were drug users. You can imagine some of the experiences that included for me as a young innocent girl. My natural father died appox. 6 years ago from pserosis of the liver due to alcholism. He was also a heavy drug user. He was NEVER in my life until the last 3 months of his life, as luck would have it. I look at that as a blessing in disguise.

I always dated drug/alcohol types. When I turned 20 I fell in love with a full-blown crystal meth addict. I lived that life trying to save him for 3 1/2 years. In the meantime I was guilty by association and my life went down the tubes with his. When we ended up living in a hotel and then in my car I got a clue.

I met my husband 3 months after that relationship, who was totally sober, except the occasional brewski. After six months I practically forced him to marry me. We didn't know each other, and I was running from my past into the life I thought was safe. I thought we would have the white picket fence, mini van, dog and the life a normal family. My fantasy not his.

Well that didn't happen and now I don't know what to do. I'm depressed, and I can't stop having this pity party. I just returned to Alanon last night and it was so nice to hear similar stories. I feel so screwed up in the head and I can't stop blaming myself. Now I feel so guilty that my son has to grow up with a divided family. I want to accept this and move on and find happiness. I just can't stop the pain and the tears. I see a therapist, go to alanon, read self-help books. What next???

journeygal

Hi Heavenly,

Well, the good news is, you're doing all the right things by going to meetings, reading, and seeing a therapist. The not-so-good news is, change won't happen overnight. You just have to go through the process and allow it to work. It took 32 years to get you to where you are now. I'm not saying it will take another 32 years to heal, but it will take some time.

Ending a relationship is also hard, regardless of the circumstances. Check out this thread, which deals with dealing with a lost love:

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ad.php?t=48141

Don't give up - trust the process. You will get through this.

Take care,
JG

Heavenly

Hey there Journeygal...I had to thank you for your words and for sending me the link on the loss of love. I'm half way through it and it is so ME... Wow! I am so exstatic that I have found this site. Just the other day I sat in my room and I cried and I wished so badly I had someone to talk too, to cry too and to just listen. Now I do.. and I feel such a relief already.

frankly

Heavenly - Just wanted to let you know you are not alone. It's a sad time, I know but we can change our lives for the better, we can and will laugh again. In time.

Hugs
B