XpartyGirl

Last night my friend offered a hand with my carpet cleaning today. When i woke up I was ready to call her because I think that deep down inside I was setting myself up to drink with her. Well the whole thing fell thru because I ended up having commitments around noon that wouldnt allow me to drink (thank you god). But now ....here I am, 6:30 p.m. and my ex just came and picked up the kids, and as soon as he left I thought about having a glass of wine. (there is wine in the fridge because my boyfriend is a chef and uses it to cook with). Boyfriend left to get a tattoo and I am sitting here thinking that one glass would be nice. I am alone and the urges after almost two weeks are trying to pry their way back in. I got all dressed and threw on my jacket and planned on escaping the house and maybe go up to the tattoo place to sit and watch for a while and BAM....here came a thought of possibly trying to coax my ex into stopping at a bar for a beer after. This is horrible. I started thinking...."ahhh great...this is my life...boring dull Lori is going to sit and watch tv and go to bed" sounds like tons of fun when I finally dont have my kids for a night.

Anyways...I guess venting alittle may help me get my head on straight. I am really trying to keep those nasty feelings at bay. But there is a part of me that misses that warm fuzzy buzz after having a couple drinks.

Is it bad to miss that feeling? I dont want to miss it...it is just there.

gonna go for a drive.

Roxann

I miss the feeling that taking a few vicodin gave me, but I like the feeling I get now from NOT picking up.

Go for a drive, put on your favorite music and remember how far you came X You've been clean for what, about 2 weeks now? Don't give that up. It's good that you posted instead of using. Hang in and take it minute by minute for a while. :heart:

wingsfree

I agree Roxann..come on Xpartygirl lets go for a drive....put on some music...get up and dance...get your mind off that urge...let it pass..it will....don't LISTEN to that stupid ugly voice that likes to torment us.

Xpartygirl....love your screen name.....especially the X part.

Give that urge a good old kick...it will pass and no regrets tomorrow.

Congrats on your sober time, you're doing wonderful with it...

I really wish I knew what to tell you...the way I'm feeling now because of what drinking has recently done to me.....IT COULD BE YOU....we just never know...we are never safe once we let that urge take over us.

You have the strength in you....let it get stronger.

Big big hugs.....love Denise

wantneeda

if you put your mind on something else, positive something you'll surely forget the urge. Call a sober friend. stick around this site, maybe take yourself to a movie, but just don't pick up that first one. I believe not obsessing is truly the key. I was told anything more than 5 minutes is obsessing. Personally I think 5 minutes is a long time. Myself as soon as a using thought comes i give it the boot, even if i have to keep booting it out of my mind. I get through those times. don't give up your worth it!!!
\\//peace

XpartyGirl

Thanks for the suggestions....I went for a ride. Went up to the tattoo shop. Its funny because while I was there my impulsive ways went from drinking to wanting to get a tattoo...RIGHT THEN. That also passed and I am home and feeling a little better. There are some good shows that I want to watch and i am gonna lay on the couch and enjoy my quiet time without kids.

I think i am passed the bad part...Thank you all for support and thank you GOD...for helping me stay strong.

When bad things used to happen my mom used to say..."This too shall pass"

I keep thinking that.

Tomorrow I will wake up happy if I dont pick up today.

CAPTAINZING2000

LORI!!!

ALL THINGS CONSIDERED A TATTO WOULD HAVE BEEN A BETTER IDEA hmmm

THROW THE WINE OUT. YOU'RE MIND ISN'T CLEAR ENOUGHT TO B AROUND ANYTHING TO DRINK. AFTER A WHILE, IF, YOU DECIDE YOU WANT TO HAVE A HAPPY LIFE, THE THOUGHTS OF DRINKING WILL B IN THE PAST.

THE IMPORTANT THING IS, YOU'RE PLAYIN THIS THRU OVER IN YOUR MIND WHAT THE OUTCOME WILL BE

BTW, THOUGHT THE LAST TIME YOU DRANK THE B/F LEFT? DID YOU SAY THAT?


CHRIS

XpartyGirl

Yes he did leave...he has been giving me the benefit of the doubt. If it happened again I am sure he would be done forever. I told him that I wanted to drink some of it and he said that it was "cooking wine" and probably would be nasty...I was thinking..."I dont think that would matter to me"

He is surely on his last leg with my past drinking but when those nasty thoughts came back I started thinking that "one would not be a big deal"

I know that one IS a big deal but at that moment I was convincing myself that it might be ok.

I know its not.

Roxann

You are okay X. You should be very proud of yourself.

CAPTAINZING2000

Lori,

If Your B/f Is Still There, It Means He Cares. Have You Sat Down Andsaid, I Can't Drink He Already Knows. Tell Him You Want To Stop. All Of Us In Here Have Support Family And Friends If Not, None Of Us Would B Sober And Clean Ask Around C If They Don't Tell You The Same Thing. This Is A We Program.

My Best Thinking Alone Got Me In Trouble

We're All Here For U, U Know That??

Love

Chris

hopealwayz

Glad you made it through X. I was thinking about you today. You're hanging in here and that is so great to see.

Hope