emotions
tasmin
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: dublin, Ireland
Posts: 26
emotions
hi guys,
i'm sitting here not knowing what to do with myself.
my day started out good and went from that to crap in all of a few hours.
i might lose my job because i've been out since i was in a crash in dec 2004 with the exception of 11 weeks when i went back in august.
i've worked for this guy for 30 years and all the emotions i have are sadness,fear,nervouseness,anger....and sheer fustration.
and i'm all in a ditter.
i'm suppose to go to computer course and i just feel so shakey....i've been forcing myself to go, been like this since dec 2004.
before that i loved college.
i'm trying to hand it over, but the panic keeps building up.
jeez how i wish i could go back in time at this minute.
dont even know what i am writing, just that i'm typing to keep my mind off it.
heck i'm so angry....my boss knows i'm in councling for ptsd and he goes and does this....jaysus i could cheerfully strangle him!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
thank for giving me somewhere to let this out....
have to go now, feels like someones extracting my teeth dragging myself here
tasmin
i'm sitting here not knowing what to do with myself.
my day started out good and went from that to crap in all of a few hours.
i might lose my job because i've been out since i was in a crash in dec 2004 with the exception of 11 weeks when i went back in august.
i've worked for this guy for 30 years and all the emotions i have are sadness,fear,nervouseness,anger....and sheer fustration.
and i'm all in a ditter.
i'm suppose to go to computer course and i just feel so shakey....i've been forcing myself to go, been like this since dec 2004.
before that i loved college.
i'm trying to hand it over, but the panic keeps building up.
jeez how i wish i could go back in time at this minute.
dont even know what i am writing, just that i'm typing to keep my mind off it.
heck i'm so angry....my boss knows i'm in councling for ptsd and he goes and does this....jaysus i could cheerfully strangle him!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
thank for giving me somewhere to let this out....
have to go now, feels like someones extracting my teeth dragging myself here
tasmin
Member
Join Date: Jun 2003
Location: Tropical Island
Posts: 76
Tasmin, for years I lived in an emotional triangle of fear, anger and sadness.
I pinballed between these three basic feelings.
Happiness was a strange and fleeting thing which came out of a bottle of alcohol.
I was fearful because I dreaded the uncertainty of my future
Then I became angry when my attempts to manipulate and control my environment proved futile.Angry too because people did not live up to my expectations of them.
My sadness stemmed from a deep sense of loss and feelings of worthlessness that stretched back for many years to my childhood.A byproduct of abuse, neglect , and abandonment.
Recovery for me meant learning to identify each feeling as they came up and then asking myself: "What is causing me to feel this way and what can I do to change it?"
Sometimes I can even tell myself that it is ok to feel this way and that this too shall pass.
I have come to understand that fear anger and sadness are all parts of my emotional spectrum and are neither good nor bad.......it is how I respond to these feelings that is important.
If I am angry I can call a friend and talk over with them and they can help me to identify whats making me angry, sometimes they might even be able to "talk me down"
If I am fearful I can get down on my knees and give thanks for my life and accept the fact that my future is in God's hands.I can only trust that he will take care of me tomorrow just as he took care of me today and yesterday.
If I am sad I can always put on my old Barry Manilow tapes and have myself a good cry and feel sorry for myself, just as long as I remember that tomorrow will be better and I do not have to prolong my suffering by remaining in isolation.
I pinballed between these three basic feelings.
Happiness was a strange and fleeting thing which came out of a bottle of alcohol.
I was fearful because I dreaded the uncertainty of my future
Then I became angry when my attempts to manipulate and control my environment proved futile.Angry too because people did not live up to my expectations of them.
My sadness stemmed from a deep sense of loss and feelings of worthlessness that stretched back for many years to my childhood.A byproduct of abuse, neglect , and abandonment.
Recovery for me meant learning to identify each feeling as they came up and then asking myself: "What is causing me to feel this way and what can I do to change it?"
Sometimes I can even tell myself that it is ok to feel this way and that this too shall pass.
I have come to understand that fear anger and sadness are all parts of my emotional spectrum and are neither good nor bad.......it is how I respond to these feelings that is important.
If I am angry I can call a friend and talk over with them and they can help me to identify whats making me angry, sometimes they might even be able to "talk me down"
If I am fearful I can get down on my knees and give thanks for my life and accept the fact that my future is in God's hands.I can only trust that he will take care of me tomorrow just as he took care of me today and yesterday.
If I am sad I can always put on my old Barry Manilow tapes and have myself a good cry and feel sorry for myself, just as long as I remember that tomorrow will be better and I do not have to prolong my suffering by remaining in isolation.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: Northern California
Posts: 10
Emotions
Tasmin, since I'm a very slow learner, it took me some years in the program to finally realize and admit that I had put everyone around me on high pedestals. No wonder I felt so isolated all the time. For me, failure would be too shameful & devastating to bear, so I wouldn't attempt anything new.
It was like an awakening for me to hear someone at a meeting express my same fears, panic, and self-disgust, and then go on to tell how she overcame it... by asking God daily for strength and courage to accept herself as an imperfect human being.
This didn't come easy for me, but practice makes for progress, and I came to like and appreciate myself, and even laugh at myself. If you knew me then and now, you would declare a miracle happened. I've since been blessed with lots of miracles. Experiencing each of the 12-Promises makes all the efforts and hard work well worth it.
I hope you can envision what you want your life to be like and then go for it. Just don't give up before the miracle.
I wish you lots of strength and courage.
Hugs,
Trplwnr
It was like an awakening for me to hear someone at a meeting express my same fears, panic, and self-disgust, and then go on to tell how she overcame it... by asking God daily for strength and courage to accept herself as an imperfect human being.
This didn't come easy for me, but practice makes for progress, and I came to like and appreciate myself, and even laugh at myself. If you knew me then and now, you would declare a miracle happened. I've since been blessed with lots of miracles. Experiencing each of the 12-Promises makes all the efforts and hard work well worth it.
I hope you can envision what you want your life to be like and then go for it. Just don't give up before the miracle.
I wish you lots of strength and courage.
Hugs,
Trplwnr
Last edited by TrplWnr; 02-07-2005 at 09:45 PM. Reason: need to delete one word
Member
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: Second star to the right....
Posts: 845
thankyou
im sorting out my enrolment for university and i do get angry at the uncertatinty of future, out of my control, any sense of injustice not getting special treatment for mental illness whethetre i deseve it or not, ARGGH is my usual respone to the stress and drama but i cang et thru this, ive done it before and god is with me, amen to y'all youve helped me calm the f**K down today
no really, cheers for it, S I G H
just inhale, exhale, repeat
love toby
im sorting out my enrolment for university and i do get angry at the uncertatinty of future, out of my control, any sense of injustice not getting special treatment for mental illness whethetre i deseve it or not, ARGGH is my usual respone to the stress and drama but i cang et thru this, ive done it before and god is with me, amen to y'all youve helped me calm the f**K down today
no really, cheers for it, S I G H
just inhale, exhale, repeat
love toby
Member
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: Northern California
Posts: 10
Right On, Utopia!
What you said about "just inhale, exhale, repeat" is very important and necessary!! LOL! All kidding aside, my sponsor instructed me to take time out twice a day to exhale slowly thru pursed lips and inhale slowly thru the nostrils, for 2 minutes. I found this releases a lot of tension. Many years later, I'm still doing it right before bedtime because it's a great sleeping aid, too!
Love and prayers your way,
Alison
What you said about "just inhale, exhale, repeat" is very important and necessary!! LOL! All kidding aside, my sponsor instructed me to take time out twice a day to exhale slowly thru pursed lips and inhale slowly thru the nostrils, for 2 minutes. I found this releases a lot of tension. Many years later, I'm still doing it right before bedtime because it's a great sleeping aid, too!
Love and prayers your way,
Alison
tasmin
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: dublin, Ireland
Posts: 26
inhale,exhale
hi guys,
just wanted to say thank you for replying to this post.
i went to my course and half way through at brake time i went into the coffe room and panic took hold and i bolted....i went outside and got some fresh air and it was freezing and i took a deep breath, exhaled and said to mysel" girl you can freeze your butt off out here while everyone in the coffee room is laughing and having a chat an a cuppa, there is nothing to fear!....you are all there for the same thing!....this is YOUR choice to be out here in the cold"
so i inhaled, exhaled and walked back into the coffee room and got a cuppa and sat down.....but boy did i feel jittery.
i have a self help tape that does that inhale,exhale exersise....and yes its a great way to calm down.
all the best,
tasmin
just wanted to say thank you for replying to this post.
i went to my course and half way through at brake time i went into the coffe room and panic took hold and i bolted....i went outside and got some fresh air and it was freezing and i took a deep breath, exhaled and said to mysel" girl you can freeze your butt off out here while everyone in the coffee room is laughing and having a chat an a cuppa, there is nothing to fear!....you are all there for the same thing!....this is YOUR choice to be out here in the cold"
so i inhaled, exhaled and walked back into the coffee room and got a cuppa and sat down.....but boy did i feel jittery.
i have a self help tape that does that inhale,exhale exersise....and yes its a great way to calm down.
all the best,
tasmin
Member
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: Northern California
Posts: 10
Tasmin, you got yourself through it and that's an accomplishment!
It was well-known that Yul Brynner ("The King and I") had terrible stage fright and before each show, he would go to a wall and push at it with both hands as hard as he could... grunting and all! Only then was he able to go on stage and perform! I even tried that and surprisingly it was very helpful! Whatever works, y'know?
I send you cheers and support,
Hugs, too....
Alison
It was well-known that Yul Brynner ("The King and I") had terrible stage fright and before each show, he would go to a wall and push at it with both hands as hard as he could... grunting and all! Only then was he able to go on stage and perform! I even tried that and surprisingly it was very helpful! Whatever works, y'know?
I send you cheers and support,
Hugs, too....
Alison
Cruelty-Free
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: Body: South Florida Heart: Yosemite National Park
Posts: 914
Originally Posted by TrplWnr
before each show, he would go to a wall and push at it with both hands as hard as he could... grunting and all! Only then was he able to go on stage and perform!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: maryland, usa
Posts: 17
tprlwnr,
Your comment about putting everyone else on pedestals is so interesting to me. I think I know what you mean, and I think I'm the same way. Could you go into some detail about what you mean by that?
For me, it means that I saw everyone else's feelings and opinions as paramount, particularly my parents. I just assumed that they judged me all the time, basing their judgement on their own sense of perfection. The strange thing is that they were so supportive of me. Nonetheless, I always felt like I was letting them down. What is that? Where does that come from? The word that captures it for me is "disgust." I felt like my parents were disgusted with me. And now I have transferred that on to my husband.
Any thoughts on this would be helpful.
Your comment about putting everyone else on pedestals is so interesting to me. I think I know what you mean, and I think I'm the same way. Could you go into some detail about what you mean by that?
For me, it means that I saw everyone else's feelings and opinions as paramount, particularly my parents. I just assumed that they judged me all the time, basing their judgement on their own sense of perfection. The strange thing is that they were so supportive of me. Nonetheless, I always felt like I was letting them down. What is that? Where does that come from? The word that captures it for me is "disgust." I felt like my parents were disgusted with me. And now I have transferred that on to my husband.
Any thoughts on this would be helpful.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: Northern California
Posts: 10
Hello, Chinalee,
I don't know if you've ever read or heard about abused children or even abused adults, refusing to be separated from their abusers. The ACoA childhood is usually very dysfunctional and the child grows up with little or no self-esteem or self-worth.
In my situation, I went to great lengths to get my alcoholic parents to love me. I was the perfect daughter, but nothing I did changed them. King Alcohol got all their attention. I especially worshipped my mother.
To me, putting people on pedestals means we believe they're more important than we are, smarter, more confident. When one lacks self-esteem, then it seems that everyone is better and smarter...
It was such a major awakening for me to discover that we are all imperfect human beings, that we're all children of God and equal in His eyes. The feeling that you were always letting your parents down is so typical of the ACoA and it's because we keep trying for perfection in ourselves, forgetting that we're striving for progress.... not perfection!
I found that as my self-esteem kept getting better and stronger, more and more positive things were (and still are) coming into my life. Look for all that goodness within you. You'll find a treasure trove there.
I hope I've been of some help to you, Chinalee. I appreciate your message and it sounds like you're very conscientious.
May God bless you with strength and courage,
Love & hugs,
Alison
I don't know if you've ever read or heard about abused children or even abused adults, refusing to be separated from their abusers. The ACoA childhood is usually very dysfunctional and the child grows up with little or no self-esteem or self-worth.
In my situation, I went to great lengths to get my alcoholic parents to love me. I was the perfect daughter, but nothing I did changed them. King Alcohol got all their attention. I especially worshipped my mother.
To me, putting people on pedestals means we believe they're more important than we are, smarter, more confident. When one lacks self-esteem, then it seems that everyone is better and smarter...
It was such a major awakening for me to discover that we are all imperfect human beings, that we're all children of God and equal in His eyes. The feeling that you were always letting your parents down is so typical of the ACoA and it's because we keep trying for perfection in ourselves, forgetting that we're striving for progress.... not perfection!
I found that as my self-esteem kept getting better and stronger, more and more positive things were (and still are) coming into my life. Look for all that goodness within you. You'll find a treasure trove there.
I hope I've been of some help to you, Chinalee. I appreciate your message and it sounds like you're very conscientious.
May God bless you with strength and courage,
Love & hugs,
Alison
Supply Manager
Join Date: Feb 2002
Location: Cleaverville
Posts: 2,898
China,
For me it was feeling "less than". I am not even sure I identify with the pedestal analogy but it is still the same thing. The first time I heard the "less than" phrase in a meeting it blew me away. That undefinable feeling of not fitting in. My parents didn't even pay enough attention to be "disgusted"...they were indifferent. My dad, being the alcoholic, had an inflated ego and made occasional comments that kept me down where I belonged.
Anyway since that awakening I have made many changes in my life. Finding my personal comfort zone was one of them. I made some new friends, dropped some old ones....I changed jobs a couple of times and I stopped beating myself against the brick wall of trying to please others. I now have a circle of friends, well loved co-workers and relatives in which I can thrive. The rest are kept at arms length.
That realization has been life changing,
JT
For me it was feeling "less than". I am not even sure I identify with the pedestal analogy but it is still the same thing. The first time I heard the "less than" phrase in a meeting it blew me away. That undefinable feeling of not fitting in. My parents didn't even pay enough attention to be "disgusted"...they were indifferent. My dad, being the alcoholic, had an inflated ego and made occasional comments that kept me down where I belonged.
Anyway since that awakening I have made many changes in my life. Finding my personal comfort zone was one of them. I made some new friends, dropped some old ones....I changed jobs a couple of times and I stopped beating myself against the brick wall of trying to please others. I now have a circle of friends, well loved co-workers and relatives in which I can thrive. The rest are kept at arms length.
That realization has been life changing,
JT
Cruelty-Free
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: Body: South Florida Heart: Yosemite National Park
Posts: 914
Originally Posted by TrplWnr
Nocellphone, your reply is hysterical! Thanks for the laugh.
Alison
Alison
As serious as this disease is (and it is deadly frickin' serious), I find that humor has brought some of the most profound healing I've experienced.
For me, laughter is a sign that I'm healing!
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