I finally FLUSHED!!!! Yippee!!!!
still moment by moment
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: on my way back to me
Posts: 83
I finally FLUSHED!!!! Yippee!!!!
I did it.
In a moment of clarity yesterday I flushed my stash.
I came to this board last Monday on my first day of suboxone after chasing painkillers of all kinds for years. I was "trying out" this idea about giving up my pills. I was not sold on quitting forever and I was having trouble flushing my stash because I was afraid that I would need them.
Guess what? I am still afraid, but I don't WANT them anymore.
I regret flushing them every few minutes, but during the other minutes I feel FREE..... Like I want to sing that song on the Coke commericial. "I WANT TO BE FREE...." I think its C2 - low carb coke? I feel a bit like the chubby guy coming out of his office and opening his shirt and getting down on his knees. I'm a chick, but I feel about as cool as that guy.
So anyway. Yippie for me. Now at least that part is over. I know I can get them within 24 hours if I want them, but at least they aren't hidden in a pair of shoes in my closet calling to me all day.
I also ate a few before I flushed them. Well, between the sub blocking my high and the guilt, it was a fruitless attempt at feeling good.
They are gone gone gone. And YES it feels like an ENORMOUS step. HUGE. It is just starting to sink in after one week that those pills really were running my life. My god, it is becoming more clear every day how out of control I was and that I don't ever want to go back. I would like to feel good again, but I imagine I can't rush these things too much.
I rewarded myself with Costco Chocolate chip cookies and Eddy's Ice cream. A lot of it. Which was a dumb idea, but, one step at a time.
Erin the FREE.
In a moment of clarity yesterday I flushed my stash.
I came to this board last Monday on my first day of suboxone after chasing painkillers of all kinds for years. I was "trying out" this idea about giving up my pills. I was not sold on quitting forever and I was having trouble flushing my stash because I was afraid that I would need them.
Guess what? I am still afraid, but I don't WANT them anymore.
I regret flushing them every few minutes, but during the other minutes I feel FREE..... Like I want to sing that song on the Coke commericial. "I WANT TO BE FREE...." I think its C2 - low carb coke? I feel a bit like the chubby guy coming out of his office and opening his shirt and getting down on his knees. I'm a chick, but I feel about as cool as that guy.
So anyway. Yippie for me. Now at least that part is over. I know I can get them within 24 hours if I want them, but at least they aren't hidden in a pair of shoes in my closet calling to me all day.
I also ate a few before I flushed them. Well, between the sub blocking my high and the guilt, it was a fruitless attempt at feeling good.
They are gone gone gone. And YES it feels like an ENORMOUS step. HUGE. It is just starting to sink in after one week that those pills really were running my life. My god, it is becoming more clear every day how out of control I was and that I don't ever want to go back. I would like to feel good again, but I imagine I can't rush these things too much.
I rewarded myself with Costco Chocolate chip cookies and Eddy's Ice cream. A lot of it. Which was a dumb idea, but, one step at a time.
Erin the FREE.
Stay strong.Member
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: Canada
Posts: 689
Hey erin,
A great step forward. You've said no more. You've said I can do it. And it sounds like you're seeing the insanity that was your life as you were using.
The addict in us can rationalize anything, and that's the part that says quitting forever isn't necessary -- just enought to regain some control. The further along you are, the more you'll see how insane that particular thought is.
Gold star. Hell yes.
A great step forward. You've said no more. You've said I can do it. And it sounds like you're seeing the insanity that was your life as you were using.
The addict in us can rationalize anything, and that's the part that says quitting forever isn't necessary -- just enought to regain some control. The further along you are, the more you'll see how insane that particular thought is.
Gold star. Hell yes.
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